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The Sermon on the Mount For Your Marriage

 

 

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Marriage Involves Team Players--Are You A Team Player

 

 

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Read Our Latest Newsletter - July/Aug 09

Angie's Marriage Column ~ Once a Cheat Always a Cheat?

Question: When your spouse cheats multiple times, doesn't the line "once a cheat always a cheat" start to become true?

 

Guidance: Yes, it rings very true and I can certainly understand how you feel. It is very hard to forgive someone who continually hurts you. But you must try and look at "it" in a different way. Who is your husband actually hurting? You are suffering over his iniquities but he is also hurting himself tremendously. I believe he also is victimizing himself, if you can understand that? 

 

People can change. But they usually do not change because of another person intervening in their life. They first must come to grips with their sin and turn away from it and that takes a spiritual intervention; one of which is between the person and God.

 

Your husband is an unbeliever and that is how you have to look at this situation because if you look at it with the viewpoint that he is doing this personally to you than you most likely will not be able to forgive and help him in his erring ways. I perceive a habitual cheater and sinner as a person who is spiritually sick, unable to let go of something they think they love and need. It is almost like an addiction, and it may very well be a sex addiction to be a persistent cheater.

 

I compare your husband’s sin to an addiction in that any sin that has taken control over us we have become a slave to and that makes us sick in the spiritual sense. Until we find the cure (God) we remain living within our sickness (sin).  Sin of any kind is not who we are, but what we have made for ourselves, and so eventually become it. God didn’t make us to be perpetual sinners, but man became sinful by not obeying in the first place.

 

The bottom line is people can choose to follow Christ or they can choose to follow their own understanding. But I will tell you right now, that our own understanding is almost always flawed. We need God!

 

You are not the victim, even though you are his wife. You must try to look at this problem with a different viewpoint, looking away from your self and how it makes you feel. I know that you feel hurt and you are suffering in your marriage over it, but you can choose to give up those feelings, just for a moment, and pray silently that your husband wake up from his slumber and seek Christ for his life. This will give you hope and will actually make you feel better about it in the long run.

 

We must always keep our eyes on Christ for our life or else we will become wrapped up within the spiritual sickness around us. Don’t let yourself become a part of what your husband does...ask Christ to help you with that. Because of other peoples sins this is how we often become tempted to sin as well. 

 

We sin because of another person’s sin. But it does not have to be like that. We don’t have to become spiritually bankrupt like the people around us, we can choose to seek out the Living Christ for our life and live as righteously as humanly possible. And your influence will actually help your husband.

 

What I am trying to say is just because your husband is a sinner and he chooses to walk in his erring ways does not mean you have to choose that road for yourself. You can choose to do what is right and ask God to help you in your time of suffering and need so you may become the Shining Light of Christ for your husband. You may be thinking, “Why should I help him?” Why should you not help him?

 

Your husband is in need of a direction. He is steering his ship, with you in it, down a road that is not conducive to an upright and godly lifestyle.  He is not leading his home in a proper manner. You are basically living with an unbeliever and that means if you want to see change for yourself, you have to make those changes. Don’t wait for your husband to do it for you. What you can do, putting aside the anger and bitterness you have for him, is to pray for him. Don't allow your self to be or feel victimized.

 

How can we forgive a spouse who continues to be unfaithful in the marriage? We do not have the will power on our own to forgive others. We have to be accepting of the Spirit of Christ within us and then ask for the Help we need to forgive. It takes great faith to give up CONTROL of our lives and hand our problems over to God, but it’s not going to do a bit of good wallowing in our sorrows – that is not going to help the situation. We absolutely need to give our sorrows over to the One who will listen to us. And then by faith believe that God will give us the answers we need.

My heart goes out to you and I do hope that you try and focus your energies on trying to forgive and let the sins of another go, because only then can you be free of the pain and suffering that you are going through. When we allow ourselves to be guided by the Holy Spirit, the words of Christ will be on our minds, and the Power of Christ will help us to overcome our pains and suffering, whatever they may be. By choosing to call on God for your own life you will be helping you and your husband more than you will ever know.

 

Article resources:

 

Finding Faith and Keeping It

http://www.heavenministries.com/articles/seeking_faith.htm

 

Scripture References:

 

Holy Spirit

Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities; for we know not what we should pray for as we ought:  but the Spirit itself make intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.

 

And he that searcheth that hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God.

(Romans 8:26-27  KJV)

 

Faith and Wisdom

If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask God, that giveth to ALL MEN liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. (James 1:5-6 KJV)

 

Seeking Gods Help

For he hath despised nor abhorred the affliction of the afflicted; neither hath he hid his face from him; but when he cried unto him, he heard.  (Psalm 22:24 KJV)

 

Book Resources

 

I recommend my book Adultery Pandemic for any marriage that is going through the devastating impact of infidelity. It offers the biblical guidance couples need to heal and restore their marriage.

 

Adultery Pandemic

A treasure book filled with effective guidance for your marriage from forgiveness and trust to recommitting your lives to each other again. 

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"The most beneficial way to handle marital issues is from the foundation of the Creator of marriage. No one cares more about your marriage than God.  Ask God – He will provide". 
 
 

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