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Biblical
Wisdom for Your Marriage
Secrets
to a Happy Marriage: Learning from our Mistakes and Staying Married!
(May 2013)
Have
you read the headlines news on Yahoo Shine? The title is called “5
Secrets to a Happy Marriage: Revealed by Divorce”
Did I read that right?
Now
of course being a marriage encourager for over 12 years I had to
click on it and read the 5 secrets, but what really got me was how
these secrets we’re revealed by
divorce, meaning “the secrets to a happy marriage” are
revealed by divorced people. Uh?
What
an oxymoron!
It’s true, some people realize
their mistakes but never learn
from them, as is revealed by divorced people.
If they had learned from their mistakes in their first marriage they
would not be divorced and or remarried, now would they? Now, if
you don’t mind me saying so, something is not right here.
Did
you think about this? If divorced people know
so much about how to stay happy in marriage then why did they not
stay married? Obviously they did NOT learn from their mistakes.
This is the classic case of too much talk but not enough walk.
Talking is easy but walking the walk is a little bit more difficult
and most people would rather just get a divorce, obviously.
When
we go through marriage difficulties we are supposed to learn from
our mistakes and try to be a better person by improving ourselves
for God and for our “first” spouse and working together to
repair damage that may have been done in the marriage. Now that is
where happiness in marriage is. When we walk (“do”) we save our
marriage and have abundant fruits manifesting in our lives. But when
we talk we end up getting
a divorce
and see nothing.
Anyone
can look back on their first marriage and say “what they should
have done” or “how they should have behaved”, but it means
nothing if you are remarried!
I
think it is a ridiculous title and one that is enabling people to
divorce! But enough said about stupid titles. Let’s talk about
where real marriage happiness begins.
Secrets
to a Happy Marriage: Learning from our Mistakes and Staying Married!
Do
you think that God thought we were going to be constantly happy in
our marriage? Of course not, He knows there’s going to be problems
and issues arising in people’s marriages. That’s why He has
given us the secrets to a happy and fruitful marriage in His
principles of marital life. Let’s take a look at some of those.
Five
Foundations for a Happy Marriage
I
have selected Communication, Compassion, Compromise, Commitment, and
Christ as five foundations of a great marriage. Of course there are
more great ways to have a happy marriage but let’s focus on these
for this week. I believe these five foundations / principles all
work together to bring harmony and love for couples in marriage.
They are “do” words, which makes couples behave in positive ways
towards one another rather than blaming and doing nothing but talk.
COMMUNICATION
Communication
is a must in all marriages. How well we converse with one another
shows in our skills as a communicator. To really communicate we must
also listen well, and understand what the other person is trying to
say. Couples without the use of adequate communication will be
missing out on so much of each other. Proper ways to communicate
feelings enhance the love between couples and enables the marriage
to grow. The marriage grows when we listen and are considerate. But
it will wither away if we do not listen and only care about what we
want.
COMPASSION
Often
times during an argument we’ll show compassion by the way we
communicate our words. This is why compassion and communication work
so well together. Compassion needs proper communication and proper
communication needs compassion. Do you respond with compassion to
the needs of your spouse in an argument? This is the best time to
let your spouse know you are compassionate and care about the way
they feel.
COMPROMISE
Compromise
works with compassion because to compromise means to have
compassion. And to give up a pleasure of our own for the sake of
another’s happiness is compassion. Compromising is a must in
marriage and works to build character in one another as well as
makes for exceptional team players who are willing to work together,
rather than each spouse going their separate ways. Marriage is a
oneness that thrives best on compromising with each other and
developing harmony through teamwork.
COMMITMENT
Commitment
works with communication, compassion, and compromise because if we
were not committed to the marriage, we would not be able to
communicate properly, we would fuss and fight instead. Without
commitment there would not be such a thing as compassion or
compromise because both of these are love and take loving actions to
accomplish. Only a committed person to marriage would want to
compromise something they want for the sake of their spouse.
Commitment is a great character trait to have. We learn to be
committed in our marriage when we see and understand the commitment
that Jesus Christ has made for our sakes.
JESUS CHRIST
Jesus
Christ is communication, compassion, compromise, and commitment. It is through Him that we receive these loving traits for
bringing back into our marriage. This is how we base our life on
Christ; by utilizing the gifts we have been given. They all work
together to bring harmony and love into marriage.
If
we really wanted to we all have good listening skills, compassion,
compromise and commitment that we can bring into our marriage. We
should apply these gifts from God into our lives and stay married to
our first love.
The
point is we can listen to folks who have divorced and now have a lot
to say about how to stay married, or we can just learn from our
mistakes by doing something about them and staying married! What sounds
better to you?
For we are God’s fellow workers; you
are God’s field, God’s building. By the grace God has given me,
I laid a foundation as an expert builder, and someone else is
building on it. But each one should be careful how
he builds. For no one can
lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus
Christ. (1 Corinthians 3: 9-11 NIV)
Resource
Six
Weeks of Pleasure with Your Spouse
http://www.heavenministries.com/Articles/10_ways_to_love_your_wife_Husband.htm
Be sure to watch the videos and download the PDF of the six weeks of
pleasure with your spouse from this page. Your
comments and questions are welcome.
In
Christ,
Frank and Angie
Copyright
© 2013 Heaven Ministries
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