| De Facto Marriage means that you
are "in fact" married. Whether you have a state marriage
license or not. Your marriage may not be recognized by the world, but it
is very much recognized by God. Watch the video to see the three aspects
that signify you are married to the man or woman you live with?
Angie’s Marriage Column ~ December 8, 2010 Ask
Angie: Are city hall marriages legal in God's word? Marriage
guidance: Yes! It does not matter where a couple
decides to get married. Many people today are married in their backyard,
or in hot air balloons, or while skiing down a ski slope, to name just a
few examples. Just because a couple is not married in a church building
does not mean the marriage is not a marriage according to God. You
are married when 1) the man leaves his parents and promises himself to
his wife. 2) And when the two become “one flesh” in the act of
consummation. All of the hoopla involved in the marriage ceremony is
what is culturally and socially expected of two people when they are
married so others, such as relatives and friends can see that you were
actually married and are the witnesses to the marriage, but none of it
is actually necessary. God
created marriage and the bottom line is in God’s eyes when a man and a
woman promise themselves to one another and consummate the relationship
they are married. *** Ask
Angie: Angie and Frank... What do you do when you know
the whole marriage was wrong from the get go... like me still married
and separated. I had legal grounds for divorce (sexual
infidelity). I have never "felt" married to husband #2.
He is alcoholic. He feigned sexual chastity (intercourse only) but after
marriage found out impotent. Am I married? Am I still committing
adultery? Does 1 Cor. 5 pertain to married couples too? Marriage
Guidance: There are two parts to your question. The
first part is about your first marriage. Sexual infidelity is NOT legal
grounds for divorce. Most people have been mislead to believe it is ok
to divorce a spouse who commits adultery, but the biblical research says
otherwise. There
is no such scripture present in the bible. The teachings
of Jesus Christ on divorce and remarriage are in Matthew 19: 1-11 and
Mark 10:1-12 As
many of you know, we’ve touched down on this scripture many times but
as new people sign up for the marriage column we periodically do a recap
for those who are new to the ministry. He
saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered
you to put away your wives:
but from the beginning it was not so. And
I say unto you, “Whosever shall put away his wife except it be for fornication,
and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso
marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.” Notice
the word fornication.
What is fornication? Fornication
is sex between two unmarried people. Jesus was talking to
the Jews whose custom it was to be betrothed before getting married.
Betrothed means the marriage has not been consummated yet. Jesus was
teaching that during the betrothal period if
the woman fornicated with another before the actual consummation of the
marriage then he could divorce her—breakup the betrothal
(engagement). (If
this scripture were to mean two married people that had already
consummated the marriage Jesus would have used the term adultery, which
is what he does use in other scriptures concerning marriage.) This
scripture is NOT talking about a one flesh consummated marriage. There
is an instance in Matthew where Joseph and Mary being only betrothed are
even called husband and wife
but they were not yet
married because they had not had sex. We
have to be careful about scripture and really pray about what we are
reading, asking God to give us the right guidance for our lives. We
have a wonderful free ebook on the Permanency of Marriage taught by Our
King Jesus Christ. Click
here to read it. Now,
to the second part of your question. Are you committing adultery? If you
and husband #2 have not had sexual intercourse than you are not
committing physical adultery, but when you married one another, before
God, promising yourselves to one another in marriage, you are committing
emotional adultery, which is just as wrong as the physical act. Jesus
taught that even looking at another with lust is adultery of the heart. You
see, you were going to have sex with him, had he not been impotent, so
what is the difference? Your heart may be unhappy now, but it wasn’t
when you looked into his eyes and promised yourself to him… I
see people hastily rushing into marriage without a thought, without a
clue what they are getting into. And then when the marriage is not what
they expected they seek ways to get out of the marriage. The marriage
contract is the only contract that cannot be dissolved. It is between
you and God! Don’t walk into marriage thinking you can just get a
divorce if it does not work out. Be
prepared instead and know the person you are marrying. We
find it truly amazing that Christian people don’t know that they are
marrying alcoholics, adulterers and other unbelievers. Don’t let this
happen to your children’s marriage. Teach them now about
God’s ways for Godly relationships BEFORE marriage! Are
you married to husband #2 if the marriage has not been consummated? Wow?
We dislike these kinds of questions because we certainly do not want to
be the final word on any such issue. But when we look at your
circumstance head on using common sense and scripture, we see that you
are still married to your first husband (in God’s eyes). In your heart
you married husband #2, but the marriage has not been made complete
until the sexual union. Had you had sex then you would be committing
adultery in God’s eyes and polygamy in the states eyes. I’m
not sure what it is you are trying to do. Get out of your marriage with
the second husband? Sexual
intercourse (consummation) completes marriage. Consummation of the
marriage means “oneness” and complete knowledge and understanding of
the other person. Sexual intercourse seals
the social, physical, emotional, and spiritual relationship of marriage.
This is precisely why God has reserved sexual relations only for
marriage. I
searched high and low to find a similar instance in scripture but found
nothing about this. If you truly have not had sex with husband #2 then
you may get an annulment but I believe there is a time limit on that
according to the state. You may want to check into that time limit.
Also, understand that husband #2 may say anything he wants to stay
married to you. He can say you did consummate the marriage. You may have
a battle on your hands. This
is what happens when we hastily jump into marriage without a care, we
have to face the consequences of our rash behavior. I also want to add
that if you were not married already, I would have a totally different
view and counsel based on principle in scripture, but since you already
have a husband, our counsel is going to reflect on that marriage
according to what scripture teaches us on that. Realize
though, if you want to honor God with your life and your marriage, and
you get an annulment to spouse #2 because the marriage was not
consummated, then you are not free to remarry according to scripture
because you are still married to spouse #1. But you could restore your
marriage to your first spouse. Restoration of marriage is God’s will. And
unto the married I command, yet not I, but the LORD. Let not the wife
depart from her husband: But if she depart, let her remain unmarried or
be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband
put away his wife. (1 Corinthians 7:10-11) Here
are a couple of videos you might find helpful and encouraging. Jesus on Divorce and Remarriage: Husband Tricked Wife Into Marrying Him IN
this video Angie and Frank talk about the biblical teachings on marriage
and divorce. In this instance a woman wants to know if she can divorce
her husband because he said he was a Christian during the dating process
but after marriage she found out otherwise. The truth is there is no
divorcing our first spouse. The marriage contract is the only contract
that cannot be dissolved. Forgive
Cheating Spouse After Adultery
|
Defining
Adultery Is Knowing You Are How do we go about defining adultery except to say
that it is morally wrong and it is a sin according to God? When we live
our lives as if there is no God there will be consequences. I don’t
say this scripture does. Many people don’t stop to realize that they
create negative consequences in their life by making the wrong choices.
Whole marriages and families are ruined by one adulterous act.
This is why Jesus said to NOT even look at another with feelings
of lust because our attitude of lust will lead to adultery eventually. An example of this is seen in how we live our
marriage. Instead of living
our marriage by the One who created it, many of us manage our marriage
through our own understanding. And that is why we don’t see the
blessings! Today there are
so many people suffering from adulterous marriages and they just don’t
get it! They don’t understand why they are suffering? Many of these
marriages suffer greatly under the affects of adultery by a spouse. When
a spouse commits adultery it takes a forgiving heart to get past the
hurt and pain that it can cause. There are three ways adultery can be defined in a
marriage. The number one way is when a spouse has sex with another
person other than who they are married to.
The second way, which most people don’t know about, is by
remarriage when their first marriage spouse is still living.
Scripture is very clear on this; it is stated four different
times in the bible. Some Christians are living in adultery because they
remarried while their first spouse still lives. Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth
another committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away
from her husband committeth adultery. (Luke 16:18) And thirdly when two people are in a de facto
cohabitation marriage and one has sex with someone outside of this de
facto marriage. According to God two people who live together and are
having sex are married. You may not be married to the state
because there is no record of the marriage, but God sees the record of
your marriage in the way you live. Look at Adam and Eve! Did they have a
record of their marriage? God considers a man and a woman married when
they (1.) leave parents. (2.) promise to each other by living together,
and (3.) by consummation of the relationship. If we want to save our marriage there is only one
thing we must do when a spouse commits the sin of adultery. We must make
God the most important part of our life so we can have a forgiving
heart. The truth is it is not a new spouse we need when our spouse
commits adultery; it’s a new perspective on life. We need to receive a
new heart and mind. The bottom line is we need healed!! And God is
our healer! A new spouse can’t heal our soul. Only God can wipe
away our past, purify our minds and make us new people in Christ for
righteous and peaceful living in the kingdom of heaven. How many of us choose to live our marriage under
our own wisdom and understanding and then expect to be forgiven by
Christ’s loving grace for making wrong lifestyle choices according to
that understanding? I mean think about this. If we don’t have the
faith to live as Christ-ones then who are we living for? Adultery is a
sin to God and sincere repentance is a must so we can be forgiven.
And forgiveness only comes when we stop living the sin of adultery! The point is we have to consciously and willingly
put in the effort to walk with God in His kingdom of heaven by
discontinuing the adultery. We should not minimize sin in our lives, or
justify reasons why God won’t mind if we do something that leads to
sin or is sinful behavior. We need to stop deceiving ourselves! Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit
the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor
idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of
themselves with mankind, not thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor
revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God. (1
Corinthians 6:9-10) I truly don’t know what else to say about
adultery except look at your life and see where you may have erred. God
gives us free will to do as we please now because he wants us to choose
Him over our desires. He wants us to choose Him over our desire to be
unfaithful in our marriage; He wants us to choose Him over the pleasures
and desires of this world. Only when we die to these things and choose
God will we be free from sins hold on us and be the whole and happy
people God created us to be. We need to find our way back on the path
that leads to God! There is no other way. I believe full-heartedly that to make the right
choices means waiting on God to guide us in His wisdom. We have to put
our lives in His hands, which means we NEED to walk in faith and in
Godly wisdom and understanding, and that means we may have to suffer
for doing what is right. God loves us greatly and wants us to choose
Him, but that does not mean we will never suffer again. On the contrary
it is through our suffering that we grow more faithful and wise in Him.
Don’t let sin take a hold of your life, give your burdens to God and
let Him heal your soul! Is Remarriage Adultery? How To Forgive And Love A Cheating Spouse Copyright 2011 |