Your Christian Spouse Divorces You, What Is God’s Will For You Now?
Many women and men write into the ministry in
heartbreak letting us know that their spouse, who claims to be a
Christian has left the marriage and wants a divorce. This is a very
difficult, fearful, frustrating and challenging time for people,
especially since they got married thinking they would be married to
their spouse for a lifetime commitment.
Many of these Christian people wonder if they
should remarry and start all over again, mostly because they do not want
to be alone for the rest of their life. But remarriage is not God’s
plan for a man or woman whose spouse has divorced them. It is
unfortunate that so many “so called” Christian spouses are not
behaving very responsibly in the marriage that they started.
All I can say is they are VERY confused about God’s purpose and
plan for marriage.
I realize that sometimes in marriage it just
doesn’t work out because a spouse continues to commit adultery, or
walks out of the marriage, or is adamant about a divorce. If a spouse
demands a divorce and or trespasses against the marriage repeatedly, it
is of my firm belief that they have been misinformed in the Christian
church about God’s plan for marriage
What Does God Think About Divorce?
God hates divorce and says so in scripture.
"For the LORD,
the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away..." —Malachi
"Wherefore they are no more twain, but one
flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put
asunder." —Matthew 19:6
In the few instances where a spouse truly does not
want to work on the marriage and insists on a divorce, what can you do?
Just let them go. Do not undermine your faith or beliefs
because of an unbelieving spouse. Your only recourse at this point is to
just let your spouse do what they feel they need to, hoping that one day
they will come back to God. They have a hardened heart and do not know
that divorce is not God’s plan.
Scripture talks quite a bit about divorce and lets
us know that God designed marriage as a permanent relationship. The
problem is many couples go into marriage with the wrong attitude. They
think that marriage is going to solve their problems, or make them
happy, or they think they can change their spouse but these things are
not realistic. We must be prepared for a lifetime marriage and seriously
know what God’s will is BEFORE we get married.
Can My Spouse Divorce Me if I Commit Adultery?
In Matthew chapter 5 Jesus explains what marriage
“used” to be like before Him, in the days of old. Moses made a law that allowed men to divorce their wives if
they gave them a certificate of divorce. God did not tell Moses to enact
this new divorcement law; he just went ahead and did it because he felt
he had too. Unbelieving husbands were throwing their wives out into the
Now in the New Testament, Christ says the days of
old are no more: “It hath been said, whosoever shall put away
his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement. But
I say unto you, that whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for
the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery.
Does this mean that if a spouse commits adultery it
is ok to get a divorce? As much as the churches would like to believe
and preach that divorce is ok if a spouse commits adultery, the study on
it shows otherwise. If you look closely at this scripture it uses the
word “fornication” not “adultery”. ”Whosever shall put away
his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to
commit adultery. Matthew: 5:32
What is fornication? Fornication is when you are
not married yet—it is sex between two unmarried people. Doing more
research on this study it shows that Jesus was talking to the Jews about
the permanency of marriage. It was the custom back then for
Jewish couples to be called husband and wife that were betrothed
(engaged), which according to custom was almost like being married. But
they had not consummated the marriage.
So the scripture is talking about couples who
are not yet married, but are only betrothed. You could put away
your betrothed wife or husband, if they committed adultery BEFORE the
consummation period but not after. Jesus was letting them know that
marriage is a permanent commitment.
God Takes Marriage Very Seriously
Yes, God takes marriage very seriously and for good
reason, it is the symbol of the relationship between Christ and the true
church. In fact we are to glorify this example of Christ and the church
with our marriage! It is not a contract that can be broken like men do
with contracts today. There is no dissolution of marriage no matter
what either party has done in the marriage. But, here again, if the
unbelieving spouse insists on leaving let them go. It would cause much
ado to argue, fuss, and fight with someone who is adamant about leaving
the marriage. Pray for them and perhaps they will come to their senses
sooner than too late.
“But if the unbelieving depart let them depart. A
brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath
called us to peace.” (1 Corinthians 7:15)
Understand though, that just because you are
“state” divorced from your spouse does not however mean to get
remarried. It is God’s will for the Christian man or woman whose
spouse divorced them to remain single and do God’s work rather than
jump into another marriage. In fact remarriage is not even mentioned
in the bible because in God’s eyes you are still married to your
divorced spouse. So then you are not really single and available,
and if we want to please God we should strive to do his will and serve
him in whatever capacity that He has gifted us with.
“The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord. But she is happier if she so abide, after my judgment: and I think also that I have the Spirit of God.” (1 Corinthians 7:39-40)
Copyright 2010 Heaven Ministries
When Your Spouse Wants A Divorce
Below is a sample letter to give to
your spouse when they ask for a divorce or if they ask you to initiate