If Your Christian Spouse Divorces You, What Is God’s Will For You Now?


Many women and men write into the ministry in heartbreak letting us know that their spouse, who claims to be a Christian has left the marriage and wants a divorce. This is a very difficult, fearful, frustrating and challenging time for people, especially since they got married thinking they would be married to their spouse for a lifetime commitment.

Many of these Christian people wonder if they should remarry and start all over again, mostly because they do not want to be alone for the rest of their life. But remarriage is not God’s plan for a man or woman whose spouse has divorced them. It is unfortunate that so many “so called” Christian spouses are not behaving very responsibly in the marriage that they started.  All I can say is they are VERY confused about God’s purpose and plan for marriage.

I realize that sometimes in marriage it just doesn’t work out because a spouse continues to commit adultery, or walks out of the marriage, or is adamant about a divorce. If a spouse demands a divorce and or trespasses against the marriage repeatedly, it is of my firm belief that they have been misinformed in the Christian church about God’s plan for marriage

What Does God Think About Divorce?

God hates divorce and says so in scripture. "For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away..." —Malachi 2:16

"Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." —Matthew 19:6

In the few instances where a spouse truly does not want to work on the marriage and insists on a divorce, what can you do? Just let them go. Do not undermine your faith or  beliefs because of an unbelieving spouse. Your only recourse at this point is to just let your spouse do what they feel they need to, hoping that one day they will come back to God. They have a hardened heart and do not know that divorce is not God’s plan.

Scripture talks quite a bit about divorce and lets us know that God designed marriage as a permanent relationship. The problem is many couples go into marriage with the wrong attitude. They think that marriage is going to solve their problems, or make them happy, or they think they can change their spouse but these things are not realistic. We must be prepared for a lifetime marriage and seriously know what God’s will is BEFORE we get married.

Can My Spouse Divorce Me if I Commit Adultery?

In Matthew chapter 5 Jesus explains what marriage “used” to be like before Him, in the days of old.  Moses made a law that allowed men to divorce their wives if they gave them a certificate of divorce. God did not tell Moses to enact this new divorcement law; he just went ahead and did it because he felt he had too. Unbelieving husbands were throwing their wives out into the streets, literally.

Now in the New Testament, Christ says the days of old are no more: “It hath been said, whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement.  But I say unto you, that whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery. (Matthew: 5:31-32)

Does this mean that if a spouse commits adultery it is ok to get a divorce? As much as the churches would like to believe and preach that divorce is ok if a spouse commits adultery, the study on it shows otherwise. If you look closely at this scripture it uses the word “fornication” not “adultery”. ”Whosever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery. Matthew: 5:32

What is fornication? Fornication is when you are not married yet—it is sex between two unmarried people. Doing more research on this study it shows that Jesus was talking to the Jews about the permanency of marriage. It was the custom back then for Jewish couples to be called husband and wife that were betrothed (engaged), which according to custom was almost like being married. But they had not consummated the marriage.

So the scripture is talking about couples who are not yet married, but are only betrothed. You could put away your betrothed wife or husband, if they committed adultery BEFORE the consummation period but not after. Jesus was letting them know that marriage is a permanent commitment.

God Takes Marriage Very Seriously

Yes, God takes marriage very seriously and for good reason, it is the symbol of the relationship between Christ and the true church. In fact we are to glorify this example of Christ and the church with our marriage! It is not a contract that can be broken like men do with contracts today. There is no dissolution of marriage no matter what either party has done in the marriage. But, here again, if the unbelieving spouse insists on leaving let them go. It would cause much ado to argue, fuss, and fight with someone who is adamant about leaving the marriage. Pray for them and perhaps they will come to their senses sooner than too late.

“But if the unbelieving depart let them depart. A brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.” (1 Corinthians 7:15)

Understand though, that just because you are “state” divorced from your spouse does not however mean to get remarried. It is God’s will for the Christian man or woman whose spouse divorced them to remain single and do God’s work rather than jump into another marriage. In fact remarriage is not even mentioned in the bible because in God’s eyes you are still married to your divorced spouse. So then you are not really single and available, and if we want to please God we should strive to do his will and serve him in whatever capacity that He has gifted us with.

“The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord. But she is happier if she so abide, after my judgment: and I think also that I have the Spirit of God.” (1 Corinthians 7:39-40)


Copyright 2010 Heaven Ministries


When Your Spouse Wants A Divorce

Below is a sample letter to give to your spouse when they ask for a divorce or if they ask you to initiate divorce proceedings. 
You can keep the wording exactly the way it is or change it according to your circumstances and style of writing.

And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said for this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and the they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God joined together, let not man put asunder. Matthew 19:4-6


Dear (spouses name)

My heart is not at peace with your decision to get a divorce. Please do not ask me to do anything related to getting the proceedings started. I am finding all of this very difficult considering I made promises to you and in front of God for a lifetime commitment. However, if you want to leave our marriage, I cannot stop you, but as I said, I will not do anything to help you proceed with a divorce. 

Scripture and my conscience tells me that divorce is wrong and not God's intention. I will always care for you and will pray that you will someday find your heart with God and His will for your life. You will always be my husband / wife whether a piece of paper says we are divorced or not. I will never give up hope that one day we will restore our marriage back to God. 

With Love and Christ's Peace
(your name)

PS...I am very convicted in my heart that divorce is not the answer to our problems or our happiness. So please do not ask me to do anything to initiate this divorce. If you bring me papers to sign, I will sign only because God asks His people to live at peace with others. My signing does not in any way change my beliefs. I will always be married to you, until death parts us. 

Whosoever putteth away his wife (or husband), and marrieth another commiteth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery. Luke 16:18