Forgiving and Loving your Christian 
Spouse after Adultery

  When a spouse trespasses against the marriage we may feel many deep-seated emotions. We may feel anger, resentment and disgust. And for good reason, our ego has been bruised. We never thought that our spouse would have sex with someone else; that’s just stuff you read about in articles and books. How can we forgive our spouse and when will the hurt stop hurting?  

Because your spouse committed adultery do you constantly berate him or her and stick their nose into the dog doo-doo over and over again. Do you wonder why you should forgive?  It’s surely difficult to forgive, it’s true. We don’t want to be nice; we want the adulterer or the adulteress to feel shame, guilt and remorse for what they have done against the sanctity of the marriage! But some things that we do in life will take effort and determination.

Forgiveness is God’s Will

The reality is if we want to feel better and move on with our life then we must learn to forgive, otherwise we’re just hurting our own emotional well-being. We have to change our way of thinking. Did you know that our negative emotions keep us trapped within them because it is the only place we feel protected from more heartache. We use our emotions as a protective barrier from feeling more pain.

But eventually we will have to forgive our spouse. Is your spouse repentant for their indiscretions against the marriage? Have they taken their sin(s) up with Jesus Christ and asked for personal forgiveness? Are they willing to be accountable to you and to God?

If your spouse is repentant, and they want to turn their life back to God and be accountable to you, then it is your obligation to forgive and love the cheating spouse.

Forgiving is God’s will for you and your marriage. It may not seem like it right now but God has a plan for you in your marriage. But if you do your own will it will thwart God’s plan for you. Just like when your spouse committed adultery it thwarted God’s plan for him or her. God’s plan is for sanctity in marriage and for purity of oneself in the marriage. Marriage is the only honorable way to have and enjoy sex.

As Christians it is our responsibility to uphold God’s purpose for our lives—our marriage belongs to God! If we are weak in certain areas of our lives then we need to go to God and ask for self-control and perseverance and He will give it to us. God wants us to restore our marriage back to Him. Forgiving a cheating spouse is what love is. Suffering through our inner problems and getting the healing we need, rather than going outside the bounds of marriage is what love is. Learn to love the person you married.

Couples Can Heal After Adultery

Couples can heal themselves after adultery. The adulterer needs to understand “why” they cheated in the first place and not blame or accuse others of their immoral behavior. Don’t blame your spouse. We can choose to keep our marriage pure. It’s all up to our own willingness to follow God’s precepts for our lives. The spouse of the adulterer needs to ask God to help them to “let go of damaging emotions” that may be working against the marriage. Resentment will damage the relationship between married couples more than the act of adultery will.

Healing is an individual process that happens through our relationship with God through Jesus Christ. If our heart and mind is not communicating with God now that means we do not have a personal relationship with Him. If we don’t have the faith to believe that God can heal us, or the faith to put God first in our life and marriage we will continue to have difficulties in this life. If our connection to God is somehow severed than we are disconnected from the Vine (Jesus Christ). We need to be connected to the Vine to help us grow in the word by DOING WHAT THE WORD SAYS.

“I am the Vine you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” (John 15:5)

Couples NEED to be spiritually and emotionally mature in Christ so they may weather the storms of life when they come beating down against the marriage. If you are having a hard time forgiving and loving your spouse after adultery, ask God to help you overcome your negative emotions and headstrong attitude.  And if you have faith, He will provide for your emotional and spiritual needs because He says He will!

Copyright 2010 Heaven Ministries

Have You Cheated on Your Spouse? 
How to Stay Faithful

Why would we NOT be faithful marriage spouses? Why do some people cheat and some people don’t? I believe it has a lot to do with how we think and what we value and cherish in life. Simply put, personal morals begin with our attitude. How we have been raised from childhood and what we believe will surely be a big part of if we remain faithful in our marriage or not.

I believe that people miss out on the spiritual Christ in their life by putting God in a corner of a church building. We tend to think that God is only going to hear our prayers if we go to church. We tend to worship the pastors and ministers of the church rather than Jesus Christ, who is the head of the church. Of course most of us know that God is everywhere because He is a Spirit, but most of us stifle our daily walk with God by only worshipping and or praying when we go to church.

The truth is Christ Ones are to worship and follow God in Spirit and in Truth. God does not favor those who “go to church”. In fact God favors those people who will not hold on to such outward show and who will worship Him in Spirit. This means that our walk with God is not just when we go to church, but all day long, no matter what we are doing, or where we are going.

“But the hour cometh, and now is, when the true worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit and in truth: for the Father seeketh such to worship him. God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth.” John 4:23-24

Love the Person God Created You To Be for Your Marriage

Value the person you are. Stop disrespecting yourself! That’s what you are doing every time you allow a weakness to takeover the flesh. It’s easy to do when most of us have been brought up to believe it’s ok to have sex with whomever we please whenever we feel like it, even if we’re married. Essentially unfaithfulness to our spouse stems from not putting our TRUST and FAITH in God.

God made a big “to do” about coming to earth as the man Jesus and showing us how to live pure, upright lives for Him with our marriage. I don’t think we should take this love that God has for us too lightly. Most of us love ourselves in the wrong way, probably because we have not grasped God’s amazing love for us. There is a big difference from loving ourselves egotistically and loving ourselves as a child of God. Not until we stop loving ourselves in the wrong ways and start loving the person God created us to be for Him, can we love our spouse in the right ways.

Don’t Be Fooled by False Flattery and Praise

In this world of ego-based love there is much false praise and flattery going around. Don’t be fooled into thinking this flattery and recognition comes from real love—love from the Father. Don’t misunderstand me, there are people who truly mean what they say and do not expect anything in return for being kind, but there are also many people who claim Christ and will say anything and be anything, for a time, just so they can get something from you. In this article we are talking about how to stay faithful so in that respect I’m talking about false flattery from people just so they can have sex from you, or whatever it is they want from you.

It is believing in this false praise that tempts people into being unfaithful in their marriage. Were love to be sincere, there would be no adultery and using of each other. Love must be sincere and without dissimulation. (Romans 12:9). The minute we base our relationships on self-based, ego built love we fall into societies traps, which separates us from God—His Spirit that lives within us. Going to church is not going to help us with our temptations because churches do not teach about how relationships should be according to God!

Think about how unfaithfulness begins: it begins with each other sweet talking and giving flattery to making one another feel good being with each other. If married this is called emotional adultery. This ego building usually generates a sexual relationship, which could have been prevented had you prayed about it and put your life in God’s hands. Adultery runs rampant today in marriage and it dishonors God and shows a bad example to the younger generation, plus harms your relationship with God.

Remember to be discerning first and realize as a child of God you have a Christian duty to the opposite sex. As a woman you have a duty to not give male strangers and acquaintances a reason to believe they can have a part of you emotionally or sexually. The way a woman dresses and her mannerisms will tell a guy a lot about her. What are you telling men about who you are?

As a man you have a duty to protect young women from harm if you see a guy stepping out of place. And you have a duty to respect and love women as if they were your own sisters! Imagine your own daughter being sweet-talked into having sex. How would you like to find out she was being used and abused by a wolf in sheep’s clothing?

As men and women of God, are we dishonoring the temple of the Holy Spirit of Christ that lives within us by lusting after men and women? If that be true then we need to pray about it and ask God to give us pure thoughts and to love people through Him rather than in selfish, ego-based love.

Work on Self-Healing: Stop Blaming Others For Your Sins and Weak Points

This is a biggy. Many times the adulterer or the adulteress will blame their spouse for cheating on the marriage. In their hearts they make themselves believe it has something to do with not getting enough sex, attention, or love, or perhaps they think they aren’t “in love” with their spouse anymore. But sadly, you’re lying to yourself.

The fact is when a spouse cheats it has absolutely nothing to do with who they are married to, but everything to do with YOU! There is no justification for stepping outside the bounds of our marriages, even if we are married to the most terrible people on the earth. Do you think God cares “why” you committed adultery, more than “what” you’re going to do about your soul? We are free to make our own choices in life. People cheat for only reason and it is because they are not convicted in their heart and mind to be with God—they are spiritually bankrupt. But you cannot get through the bankruptcy loopholes with God and file for spiritual bankruptcy. God wants your conviction, not your faky exterior.

Anyone can “go to church” but not anyone can remain faithful in his or her heart and mind to their marriage. Look at yourself. What do you see? More importantly, what does God see? Do you have a personal growing relationship with God, through His Son Jesus Christ? If you have been unfaithful in your marriage I think you know what you need to do. Let God guide your life. Get the healing you need! Stop trusting in the appearances of others and get to know people from within.

The bottom line is do not be unevenly yoked with unbelievers, that means to watch the friends you are keeping company with. And if your church does not worship Jesus Christ as the head then I would search for a new church or begin a home church in your community. And remember, some of the places we visit and some of the things we watch and listen to can and will take us from what is good and right for us and our marriage. Pray for discernment and wisdom and God will bless you, if you are faithful to Him.

My Spouse is Having an Affair: What is God's Will For Me Now?

Copyright 2010 Heaven Ministries ~ Marriage Healing Ministry