Forgiving and Loving your Christian
Spouse after Adultery
When a spouse trespasses against the marriage we
may feel many deep-seated emotions. We may feel anger, resentment and
disgust. And for good reason, our ego has been bruised. We never thought
that our spouse would have sex with someone else; that’s just stuff
you read about in articles and books. How can we forgive our spouse and
when will the hurt stop hurting?
Because your spouse committed adultery do you
constantly berate him or her and stick their nose into the dog doo-doo
over and over again. Do you wonder why you should forgive? It’s
surely difficult to forgive, it’s true. We don’t want to be nice; we
want the adulterer or the adulteress to feel shame, guilt and remorse
for what they have done against the sanctity of the marriage! But some
things that we do in life will take effort and determination.
Forgiveness is God’s Will
The reality is if we want to feel better and move
on with our life then we must learn to forgive, otherwise we’re just
hurting our own emotional well-being. We have to change our way of
thinking. Did you know that our negative emotions keep us trapped within
them because it is the only place we feel protected from more heartache.
We use our emotions as a protective barrier from feeling more pain.
But eventually we will have to forgive our spouse.
Is your spouse repentant for their indiscretions against the marriage?
Have they taken their sin(s) up with Jesus Christ and asked for personal
forgiveness? Are they willing to be accountable to you and to God?
If your spouse is repentant, and they want to turn
their life back to God and be accountable to you, then it is your
obligation to forgive and love the cheating spouse.
Forgiving is God’s will for you and your
marriage. It may not seem like it right now but God has a plan for you
in your marriage. But if you do your own will it will thwart God’s
plan for you. Just like when your spouse committed adultery it thwarted
God’s plan for him or her. God’s plan is for sanctity in marriage
and for purity of oneself in the marriage. Marriage is the only
honorable way to have and enjoy sex.
As Christians it is our responsibility to uphold
God’s purpose for our lives—our marriage belongs to God! If we are
weak in certain areas of our lives then we need to go to God and ask for
self-control and perseverance and He will give it to us. God wants us to
restore our marriage back to Him. Forgiving a cheating spouse is what
love is. Suffering through our inner problems and getting the healing we
need, rather than going outside the bounds of marriage is what love is.
Learn to love the person you married.
Couples Can Heal After Adultery
Couples can heal themselves after adultery. The
adulterer needs to understand “why” they cheated in the first place
and not blame or accuse others of their immoral behavior. Don’t blame
your spouse. We can choose to keep our marriage pure. It’s all up to
our own willingness to follow God’s precepts for our lives. The spouse
of the adulterer needs to ask God to help them to “let go of damaging
emotions” that may be working against the marriage. Resentment will
damage the relationship between married couples more than the act of
Healing is an individual process that happens
through our relationship with God through Jesus Christ. If our heart and
mind is not communicating with God now that means we do not have a
personal relationship with Him. If we don’t have the faith to believe
that God can heal us, or the faith to put God first in our life and
marriage we will continue to have difficulties in this life. If our
connection to God is somehow severed than we are disconnected from the
Vine (Jesus Christ). We need to be connected to the Vine to help us grow
in the word by DOING WHAT THE WORD SAYS.
“I am the Vine you are the branches. If a man
remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you
can do nothing.” (John 15:5)
Couples NEED to be spiritually and emotionally
mature in Christ so they may weather the storms of life when they come
beating down against the marriage. If you are having a hard time
forgiving and loving your spouse after adultery, ask God to help you
overcome your negative emotions and headstrong attitude. And
if you have faith, He will provide for your emotional and spiritual
needs because He says He will!
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
(1 Peter 5:7)
Have You Cheated on
How to Stay Faithful
Why would we NOT be faithful marriage spouses? Why
do some people cheat and some people don’t? I believe it has a lot to
do with how we think and what we value and cherish in life. Simply put,
personal morals begin with our attitude. How we have been raised from
childhood and what we believe will surely be a big part of if we
remain faithful in our marriage or not.
I believe that people miss out on the spiritual
Christ in their life by putting God in a corner of a church building. We
tend to think that God is only going to hear our prayers if we go to
church. We tend to worship the pastors and ministers of the church
rather than Jesus Christ, who is the head of the church. Of course most
of us know that God is everywhere because He is a Spirit, but most of us
stifle our daily walk with God by only worshipping and or praying when
we go to church.
The truth is Christ Ones are to worship and
follow God in Spirit and in Truth. God does not favor those who
“go to church”. In fact God favors those people who will not hold on
to such outward show and who will worship Him in Spirit. This means that
our walk with God is not just when we go to church, but all day long, no
matter what we are doing, or where we are going.
“But the hour cometh, and now is, when the true
worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit and in truth: for the
Father seeketh such to worship him. God is a Spirit: and they that
worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth.” John 4:23-24
Love the Person God Created You To Be for Your
Value the person you are. Stop disrespecting
yourself! That’s what you are doing every time you allow a weakness to
takeover the flesh. It’s easy to do when most of us have been brought
up to believe it’s ok to have sex with whomever we please whenever we
feel like it, even if we’re married. Essentially unfaithfulness to our
spouse stems from not putting our TRUST and FAITH in God.
God made a big “to do” about coming to earth as
the man Jesus and showing us how to live pure, upright lives for Him
with our marriage. I don’t think we should take this love that God has
for us too lightly. Most of us love ourselves in the wrong way, probably
because we have not grasped God’s amazing love for us. There is a big
difference from loving ourselves egotistically and loving ourselves as a
child of God. Not until we stop loving ourselves in the wrong ways and
start loving the person God created us to be for Him, can we love our
spouse in the right ways.
Don’t Be Fooled by False
Flattery and Praise
In this world of ego-based love there is much false
praise and flattery going around. Don’t be fooled into thinking this
flattery and recognition comes from real love—love from the Father.
Don’t misunderstand me, there are people who truly mean what they say
and do not expect anything in return for being kind, but there are also
many people who claim Christ and will say anything and be anything, for
a time, just so they can get something from you. In this article we are
talking about how to stay faithful so in that respect I’m talking
about false flattery from people just so they can have sex from you, or
whatever it is they want from you.
It is believing in this false praise that tempts
people into being unfaithful in their marriage. Were love to be sincere,
there would be no adultery and using of each other. Love must be sincere
and without dissimulation. (Romans 12:9). The minute we base our
relationships on self-based, ego built love we fall into societies
traps, which separates us from God—His Spirit that lives within us.
Going to church is not going to help us with our temptations because
churches do not teach about how relationships should be according to
Think about how unfaithfulness begins: it begins
with each other sweet talking and giving flattery to making one another
feel good being with each other. If married this is called emotional
adultery. This ego building usually generates a sexual relationship,
which could have been prevented had you prayed about it and put your
life in God’s hands. Adultery runs rampant today in marriage and it
dishonors God and shows a bad example to the younger generation, plus
harms your relationship with God.
Remember to be discerning first and realize as a
child of God you have a Christian duty to the opposite sex. As a woman you have a
duty to not give male strangers and acquaintances a reason to believe
they can have a part of you emotionally or sexually. The way a woman
dresses and her mannerisms will tell a guy a lot about her. What are you
telling men about who you are?
As a man you have a duty to protect young women
from harm if you see a guy stepping out of place. And you have a duty to
respect and love women as if they were your own sisters! Imagine your
own daughter being sweet-talked into having sex. How would you like to
find out she was being used and abused by a wolf in sheep’s clothing?
As men and women of God, are we dishonoring the
temple of the Holy Spirit of Christ that lives within us by lusting
after men and women? If that be true then we need to pray about it and
ask God to give us pure thoughts and to love people through Him rather
than in selfish, ego-based love.
Work on Self-Healing: Stop
Blaming Others For Your Sins and Weak Points
This is a biggy. Many times the adulterer or the
adulteress will blame their spouse for cheating on the marriage. In
their hearts they make themselves believe it has something to do with
not getting enough sex, attention, or love, or perhaps they think they
aren’t “in love” with their spouse anymore. But sadly, you’re
lying to yourself.
The fact is when a spouse cheats it has absolutely
nothing to do with who they are married to, but everything to do with
YOU! There is no justification for stepping outside the bounds of our
marriages, even if we are married to the most terrible people on the
earth. Do you think God cares “why” you committed adultery, more
than “what” you’re going to do about your soul? We are free to
make our own choices in life. People cheat for only reason and it is
because they are not convicted in their heart and mind to be with
God—they are spiritually bankrupt. But you cannot get through the
bankruptcy loopholes with God and file for spiritual bankruptcy. God
wants your conviction, not your faky exterior.
Anyone can “go to church” but not anyone can
remain faithful in his or her heart and mind to their marriage. Look at
yourself. What do you see? More importantly, what does God see? Do you
have a personal growing relationship with God, through His Son Jesus
Christ? If you have been unfaithful in your marriage I think you know
what you need to do. Let God guide your life. Get the healing you need!
Stop trusting in the appearances of others and get to know people from
The bottom line is do not be unevenly yoked with
unbelievers, that means to watch the friends you are keeping company
with. And if your church does not worship Jesus Christ as the head then
I would search for a new church or begin a home church in your
community. And remember, some of the places we visit and some of the
things we watch and listen to can and will take us from what is good and
right for us and our marriage. Pray for discernment and wisdom and
God will bless you, if you are faithful to Him.