Husbands
love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself
for it. That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by
the word. (Ephesians 5:25-26)
(Jesus is teaching husbands to love
their wives as He loves us, and to be the spiritual head over their wives)
A treasure book filled with effective guidance for your
marriage from forgiveness and trust to recommitting your lives
to each other again. Practical and easy-to-read, this book
combines the solutions and remedies your marriage needs
towards recovery from adultery. Ebook
$7.95
There
are two ways a man can love his wife. He can love her under his own
understanding of what he thinks love is, or he can love
her in the ways God has taught him to love her. The first way of loving is a condition and learned way
to love, which is selfish and self-seeking. Some examples of how we
love our spouse selfishly is through adultery, disrespect, controlling
and demanding behavior, rebelliousness, using our emotions in negative
ways and becoming ensnared in lust addictions. We have separated ourselves from THE
Source of where true love is!
In Society we have been taught to
love with dissimulation, which is a greedy and lustful kind of love.
This is why we think we aren't in love with our wives any more. (Romans 12:9)But this is not what Jesus taught. Love
Must Be Without Dissimulation.
Many
couples think they have fallen out of love with their spouse.This causes insincerity and dissimulation in their behaviors, such
as adultery and lust addictions because when they believe something to
be true in their mind their actions soon follow their thinking. The
fact is they have not fallen out of love with their spouse, they were
never in love to begin with!Love
is not that superficial.Love is not something that
is or it isn't and that's because love is a choice and love is an
action. You make love happen by what you do! Find out more
about "how to love your wife" here.
Common Marriage Issues
That Are Detrimental To Marriage
and What you can do.
Don't Control - Demand - Manipulate
Why would you feel the need to control, and or
otherwise manipulate your wife? Something is amiss when a husband has to
abuse his wife to get his way. Go back to the personal healing articles
and read through them. Study the scriptures references in those articles.
Be the godly and loving man that God created you to be FIRST...and then
you will not feel self-doubting about who you are and then you can not be
so worried about what your wife is or is not doing.
Any man who has to control his wife to get his way is not praying for his
marriage. Understand that when you control, demand, or manipulate to get
your way, it will actually push her further away from you. If you
want your marriage restored, you need to take responsibility for your
actions!
What actions can you use instead of control, demand, and manipulate?
How about this:
Control - change this action to powerless (powerless to control
another)
Demand - change this action to to influence (influence with your loving
actions not demanding actions)
Manipulate - change this action to "love by principle" (God's
principles do not manipulate but emit love)
Spiritual Headship
God made man to be the spiritual leader over his family. This standard
has not changed 2000 years later. The most important aspect of a
mans responsibility to his wife and family is to "be the man of the
house" by taking the lead in a loving and gentle way. Guide your
family in the Word of God. Discipline your children in the ways of the
Lord and Love your wife as Christ loves His TRUE church - His people. If
you are having a difficult time guiding your home spiritually, maybe you
are just trying too hard. Go back to the written materials and study them.
Pray that God give you the guidance you need to be the loving spiritual
leader of your home. Sometimes when we try too hard or when we need
everything to be perfect, it becomes too stressful. Take a breather, give
it to God - pray about it, and God WILL give you the clear guidance you
need.
Prayer
I can not underestimate the value of prayer. Praying with the woman you
married brings you together in thoughts, ideas, and spirituality. Not only
does it give you the spiritual connection that you need to be at peace
with God but it builds up your faith in Him in every way! Pick a time each
evening before dinner or at bedtime to spend thirty minutes in peaceful
oneness and solitude with the woman you married. Use fifteen minutes of that time
reading from the bible or praying together. spend the rest of that time
expressing yourself to your wife. Tell her how your day went - tell her
how much you appreciate her - talk to her, be
open and honest because that is what will help to bring you
closer together. She wants to be there for you. Let her do her job as
your wife.
Principled actions of love vs. feelings of love
What is the difference. Well, lets say you had a bad day at work and
you come home hungry, tired, and cranky, and you find your wife watching TV and there is
nothing to eat. What are you going to do? How will you react? Let's say
you want to make love to your wife but she keeps rejecting you night
after night. What are you going to do? How will you react? both of these
issues as well as numerous others takes wisdom and careful consideration
on how to deal with them. It is certainly not right what the wife is doing
or not doing in the above scenarios, but why is she not cooking her
husband a meal and why is she rejecting her husband
sexually? She needs inner healing - you need inner healing, but this
is about you now, so let's focus on your part in the
marriage. ok? Instead of getting angry with her or sulking in silence,
communicate with her and tell her "how you feel." Talking works
wonders in marriage. We need to take responsibility for our own
actions, not someone esle's.
Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a MUST for a healthy marriage. Marriage cannot be re-establish
until you forgive. You can not heal the demons within until you
forgive. Let go of the resentment and forgive! forgiveness is for your own
healing, because it is only after you forgive that you can love properly.
We do not have the power to forgive on our own, it is something
supernatural and comes from God. If you are having a difficult time
forgiving your wife, you must ask God to help you. Pray every day that God
give you the strength to give up your resentment and forgive so you too
may be forgiven. Read the Forgiveness
in Marriage ebook.
Read through some of the articles on forgiveness
and answer the questions at the bottom. You Can Forgive!
Respect and Appreciation
You need to humbly pray about this and ask God to help you with this.
Respect can be a difficult thing to do, especially if we are not being
respected by our wife in our home. But be the one to GIVE IN FOR THE SAKE
OF THE MARRIAGE. Base your marriage upon the principle of respect. If the man of the house would first be loving and
respectful, even if his wife is naggy and disrespectful sometimes, it will
get the woman of the house to recognize her wrong actions. Talk to your
wife and let her know, you want to and will do your best to respect her,
and would like to be respected in return. Learn good principled habits for
your marriage and God will help you... if you keep Him at the forefront of
your marriage.
"The most beneficial way to handle
marital issues is from the foundation of the Creator of marriage. No one
cares more about your marriage than God.Ask God – He
will provide".
Priority List For Marriage
Who Are
You Accountable To?
This book is written
for the Christian husband who desires to know the proper ways of
loving his wife the way God intended, so she
will want to submit to his unwavering love for her.
Lewis tackles every
subject in this fascinating God-help (notice I didn't say
self-help) book: Love, sex, romance, expression, attitude,
wisdom, communication, forgiveness, and respect. Her writing is
accurate and concise because she has been down in the valley
and, in my personal opinion, she has reached the mountaintop of
understanding how to have a successful and happy marriage. ---
Review by D. Blankenship
Need
Marriage Guidance?
Ask Angie & Frank
Your question may be used in our weekly
marriage column
Are you
or have you ever gone through any of these issues in
marriage?
You
feel the need to change or control your wife
Not
sure of what your position is in the marriage
Have lost romance
and intimacy with your wife
You have a
difficult time telling your wife your feelings
You need to
forgive your wife of something
Want to know how
to bring spiritual headship and wisdom into the home