The Intimately Satisfied Marriage

What constitutes intimacy in a relationship? Is it having great sex once a day?  Is it being romantically involved? It could be those things, but intimacy is sharing yourself with the one you love because you trust them and you appreciate them. Sex alone is not what makes intimacy. Romance alone is not what makes intimacy. But if you put romance, sex, respect, honesty, communication, and appreciate into the equation and you balance those areas out in the marriage that could very well constitute intimacy in marriage.  

To feel close to the person you married, you first have to trust them. That includes knowing that they are there for you if you need them. An intimate relationship is a supportive one. When you appreciate, and encourage the person you love on a consistent basis you are forming an intimate bond. Rejecting your spouse in any way is pulling away at those trust levels that marriage so much needs. Couples need and want to feel secure and emotionally involved with their partner.

It is quite ironic that couples feel closer and more loving towards each other the more they give of themselves in the marriage. Intimacy is not something that just happens, it is made. It takes two to become intimate, and it takes two to bring and maintain intimacy in the marriage. If only one is working towards being close and the other is pulling away from getting close, then intimacy will not happen.  

In marriage or in any relationship if you want to be intimate and share a close bond with the person you love, then the effort most definitely has to be put into it. Intimacy is communicating on a deeper level than just talking about the weather and “what’s for dinner”? Many couples take this area of the relationship for granted. They do not realize that their marriage actually thrives on intimacy.

Not sharing closeness with the one you are married to is one of the underlying reasons for infidelity in marriage, not just physically, but emotionally as well.  And this brings me to communication in marriage. Emotional infidelity is becoming the new fad. It starts out innocent enough, but having an emotional involvement with someone other than your spouse is dangerous to the marriage. Couples do not need to go looking for someone who understands and appreciates them. All they really need to do is to be open and honest in their conversation with the person they married.

Communicating on an open and honest level is a part of intimacy process. So it is very important to learn proper communication skills on that level. Productive communication brings something into the relationship to help couples to know and understand each other. From the communication below, ask yourself what you could learn from each other.

“I like it when you touch me there?” “I feel it easier to tell you my true feelings when you don’t discount my feelings”  “When you reject me, I don’t feel very close with you.”  “I felt hurt last night when you made fun of me in front of our guests.” “Please do not make jokes about me in front of our friends.” “I would like it if you would try and come home earlier at night, but if your job keeps you working late so you can take care of us, I understand.” “I would like it if you would not wear that skimpy shirt anymore. I want you all to myself, and I don’t think it is a good idea having other men stare at your breasts.”  “I want to protect you, that is one of the ways I feel that I am loving my wife.”  “Could you please not cook spinach soufflé anymore, I just don’t like it, but everything else you cook for us is wonderful.”

This kind of communication is productive because it is open and honest. If you happen to say something negative always say something positive in the same sentence. Productive communication brings couples closer together because they are opening up to each other.  And this is what you want in marriage. It is my belief that couples have productive talks a couple of times a week. These communications keep you updated and emotionally involved with the person you married, which couples thrive on for an intimately satisfied marriage.

Heaven Ministries
Copyright © 2007

The Sexually Satisfied Marriage 

Marriage is like a tricycle. One of the back wheels is the mental (emotional) area in marriage, another back wheel is for the physical (sexual), and the front wheel, which is the leader, is for the spiritual aspects of the marriage. If one of these facets of marriage is missing, what is going to happen? The marriage is going to be unbalanced and topple over.

Did you know that your feelings could affect your sexual appetite? For instance, if you’re feeling bitter, resentful, or guilty towards your spouse, you won’t feel like having sex with them. Should we deprive our spouse of sex because of how we are feeling?  I don’t think so.

It is not right to deny our spouse the sexual fulfillment that marriage so much needs just because we’re mad at them or we’re having a bad day. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Feelings of bitterness are caused by an unforgiving attitude. Please go back and read my articles on how to forgive properly. Jesus said we are to forgive seventy times seven…forgiving properly means that we don’t harbor the pain anymore, and that means we don’t bring up the issue with our spouse again! Period!

Ladies, we are in control when it comes to the sexual aspects of the marriage. Learn to use that to your advantage. After sex is the best time to discuss any other issues that are bothering you. Be nice, and express yourself lovingly and appropriately. Don’t nag and complain.

Many couples don’t discuss their sexual preferences with each other. But this is not the time to be shy either.  It’s very vital to the sexual health of the marriage that couples express their pleasures in the bedroom arena. Both need to know and be acquainted with the zones and parts of the body, which are capable of producing pleasurable sensations.

Below are a few guidelines to take note of for a great sensual and passionate marriage, even after ten, and twenty years of marriage!

  1. Allow spouse the freedom to be who they are. Be understanding and considerate of their feelings at all times, not just in the bedroom.
  2. Communicate any sexual issues and problems that have developed in the marriage. Let go of your sexual inhibitions and express your pleasures in the lovemaking arena. Ladies, men like to give pleasure to their wives, so now is your chance to speak up and tell him what you like. 
  3. Thank God everyday that you are married to a person who is willing to discuss and express these issues with you.
  4. Always be loving and available. Sometimes we women just aren’t in the mood. But it doesn’t matter; give yourself to your husband anyway, unless you are sick or going through menstruation.
  5. Create an appealing bedroom that you both like. Redecorate it with tasteful decor that you both have picked out.
  6. Make yourself attractive and pleasing to each other. Buy a new skimpy nightgown, and men buy some bikini briefs. If you already wear that kind of under clothing, buy some silky cartoon boxers - something different that you wouldn’t normally wear.
  7. Be romantic and loving. Light some aromatic candles for a sensual and romantic atmosphere.   

This is for the ladies reading this. I have learned through experience that men NEED to have sex. Some men like it everyday, others every other day, while others maybe two times a week.  Be ready when your husband wants to have sex.  Don’t reject your husband for just any reason; make him feel loved and good about himself. Men love this kind of sensual pampering.

When we reject our husband, that is when they begin THINKING about looking elsewhere to find fulfillment, and we don’t want that, do we ladies? So often we take our husband for granted in this area, and don’t realize the importance of sexual fulfillment for the man in our life. Don’t give him any reasons to look elsewhere, take care of him!

This is for the men reading this. The most important thing you can do for your wife is to not rush into the lovemaking act in 30 seconds. Come on now, be more considerate. You know it takes your wife a bit longer than you. Tell her how much you love her, and rub her all over, wherever she likes it. Be more patient in the bedroom, your time will come soon enough.

Bottom line, do not deprive or reject each other! A happy sexual relationship involves right attitudes. It is God’s will that married couples enjoy sexual relations with each other. Find out what wheel is missing in your marriage and fix it.

“The wife’s body does not belong to her alone, but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by MUTUAL consent and for A TIME, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so Satan will not TEMPT you because of your lack of self-control.  1 Corinthians 7:4-6

Questions For Couples

1. Would you consider your sex life to be satisfied? Why or why not. Explain.

2. What areas can you work on that would help the lovemaking department? 

3. Do you think rejecting your spouse of sex is going to help you and your spouse become close and intimate? Explain

4. How is your attitude about sex? Good? Mediocre? Not good? Explain.

If you and your spouse are having sexual problems it is because something else is amiss in the marriage. Communicate and find out what that area is. Sometimes when we stop doing fun things together or when we stop having alone time it causes our attitude towards sex to falter too.

5. What do you think causes emotional infidelity in marriage?

Heaven Ministries Copyright 2005