Sex, and Intimacy in Marriage
Love, sex, and
intimacy are essential components that great marriages require for
complete stability. Real love is the spiritual aspect, sex is physical
and intimacy is emotional. It would be difficult to love your spouse if
you only thought about yourself. This is not real love. Selfish people
often have a difficult time giving of themselves, and yet, that is what
love is all about. Love is more than a feeling, it is an action, and
therefore, real love takes effort and sincerity.
In scripture, a
husband is commanded to love his wife. What do you think is going to
happen if that love is not a sincere love for his wife? She will feel
frustration, resentment, and anger, and she will have a very difficult
time submitting herself to the man she married. When a husband does not
love his wife the way God has asked him to love his wife, all sorts of
problems will develop in the marriage, mainly rebelliousness, and
your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her,
to make her holy, cleansing her by washing with water through the word,
and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or
wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way,
husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his
wife, love himself. Ephesians 5:25-28
commanded to love their wife for a very beautiful reason. It brings
about the ideal biblical marriage that God designed himself. Marriage is
a holy union, and a living symbol that needs self-sacrificing care. A
husband should be willing to sacrifice everything, including himself,
for his wife. He should make her well being of prime
importance to him. Meaning, do whatever it takes to protect, care for,
and love her, without expecting anything in return. I do not think there
is a woman on this planet that if loved by their husband in this way,
would fear submitting to him if he treated her in this way!
Why do some women
feel that all their husbands ever want or care about is sex? If a
husband is neglecting certain areas in the marriage where a woman needs
to feel like a woman and feel good about who she is, then she will feel
exploited and abused by her man sexually.
A woman who feels
neglected in the love department will not want to have sex with her
husband. A woman, who knows that she is loved in ALL areas of marriage,
will not have a hard time taking pleasure in having sex with the man she
married. She will not have a difficult time initiating the lovemaking
This is precisely
why God says for a man to love his wife as Christ does the church
because if a woman rejects her husband sexually, what do you think he is
going to do? That's right, look elsewhere. So men, donít neglect your
wife in any area of the marriage, give away your love willingly, without
wanting anything in return, protect, and care for your wife, and be
willing to give everything up for her and she will submit to your love
in every way imaginable to her.
love takes action to complete its purpose. Having a loving, giving, and
sharing relationship with the person you married provides couples the
closeness that marriage craves. The bonds of intimacy are shared on each
level in marriage from romance, to sex, to areas of communication.
Couples can feel intimate by sharing a simple conversation with one
Women who are
loved and feel close to their husbands are more apt to be respectful and
devoted wives. A woman who is truly loved will utilize all of her
creative talents and god given abilities that she has been blessed with;
her husband will never be in need of anything. So you
can see how, love, sex, and intimacy are all desirable attributes for a
healthy and productive marriage.
If you lack in
one of the areas described above, discuss it with your spouse, find out
together what you can do to bring out the attribute you are lacking and
work on it together. I encourage you to see just how truly unique and
special your marriage can be by loving and sharing yourself with each
other on an intimate level.
Questions for Couples
1. Would you say that the sexual and intimate part of your marriage is healthy and strong? Why or why not? If not what can you both to together to bring about a stronger intimate union with your spouse?
2. What do you think will happen if you don't "show" loving actions to your spouse?
3. Why do you think a husband is "commanded" to love their wives in the same way Jesus Christ loves His church?
A husband is commanded to love his wife - it is a loving act of principle. Out of principle a husband should make his wife more important than himself - as a matter of "principle". Its the key to having a loving, growing, relationship.
4. What will happen in a marriage where the husband only thinks about his own needs and wants? Will his wife submit to him? Why not?
5. Where are you at in your marriage? Are you loving your wife in the ways that you should or are you only taking care of your own needs and wants?
6. A great sex life and intimate relationship with your wife needs what?
7. Write down five things you can do with your spouse to bring a great sex life and intimacy back into your marriage?