Principled Acts of Love
Ministries Copyright 2006
I think most great marriages are based upon
principled acts of love. What does that mean?
Real love is a verb, which means to love others takes effort.
Principled acts of love can actually grow deeper and richer with the age
of the marriage, especially if the marriage has been led under the
wisdom of God. A principled act of love is all about choosing to love
the person you married and doing it with wisdom.
Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to
what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one
another above yourselves. (Romans 12:9, 10 NIV)
Some people have this preconceived idea that love
is something that makes you feel all giddy and euphoric inside. In
reality, how many couples after having been married five or ten years
still share that euphoric feeling with each other? So in retrospect when
that preconceived or learned idea gets squashed out in left field, which
will happen, people tend to think they are not “in love” with their
spouse anymore. And the next thing you know they are looking for a new
partner. But if love is a choice, which I believe it is, and we choose
to do those things that are loving it will make us feel more loving too.
What happens to couples in marriage who believe
love should feel a certain way? Society has taught that to love or to
feel love is to have a strong desire for someone. But that desire is
most likely lust and not love. If couples do not have the wisdom to
understand how to love the way Christ has shown us to love, than
marriage will undoubtedly be heading for trouble. Principled acts of
love are what keep marriage alive! It is what brings romance and
intimacy into the marriage.
People do not fall out of love. This is a big
misnomer. The problem is that couples never learned to love properly in
the first place, they loved superficially and when the desire vanished
they believed they were no longer in love with the person they married.
They based their marriage upon feelings rather than action. The
dating process and having several or more dating partners before
marriage causes couples to lose sight of the principled acts of love
that are so very important for marriage to run smoothly.
But God commands a husband to love his wife. What
for? Why does God command a man to love his wife? I believe that God
commanded that a husband love his wife for two simple reasons. One very
important reason is that the husband is the head over his wife as Christ
is the head over the Church. If Christ is not head over a Church than
that Church is not of Jesus Christ, it is of some other origin.
What did Christ do for His Church – for His
people? He sacrificed Himself. He gave His life up for our life! This is
an awesome and great principled act of love that God has given us on
what love is and how to submit to that love. It is our example for
marriage, and that is why God takes marriage so seriously.
The second reason, I believe, is so a wife will
WANT to submit to her husband. If a husband won’t love his wife
properly than she will have a difficult time submitting to his headship,
And the metaphor is if we do not love Jesus Christ
with all of our heart and soul, we too will have a hard time submitting
to His will for our life. If that were the case, then what do we really
have left? Nothing.
And of course, both husband and wife are to submit
to each other, just as both should love each other through principled
acts of love. (Ephesians
Questions for Couples
1. Have you chosen to love the woman you married?
2. Do you believe that couples can "fall out
of love"? or Is it really that they have never really loved each
other to begin with?
3. If you really love your spouse, then how can you
just stop loving them? Is that possible?
No, it is not possible, they had a
"feeling" of being "in love" but then the euphoria
went away and now they only think they are not "in love" any
4. What is real and true love? Is it different than
the kind of love we see in the world?
5. How does the world love?
6. How does God's love compare to worldly love?
7. Write down five "principled actions of
love". Then apply those into your marriage for two weeks.
Five "principled actions of love"
Don't say "I love you"