Pocket Those Negative Feelings
Copyright © 2007 Heaven Ministries

Have you ever had a negative feeling about something and then acted on it? Almost everyone has at one time or another, but what about those persistent negative feelings that keep haunting you that you just can’t seem to get out of your mind. Just last week I had three women tell me they were not “in love” with their husbands anymore. Now can you get anymore negative than that? 

As we all know being “in love” is a feeling. It is a wonderful feeling because being “in love” makes us feel excitement and euphoric with the person we are “in love” with. But what happens when the excitement and newness of the marriage ware off? What if we only love our spouse but do not feel “in love” anymore?

When the excitement whines down it can bring on the doldrums of marriage. That means it is time to do something about it, pronto. Why continue to cater to the lifelessness of your marriage? Do something about it. Many couples when they do not feel “in love” anymore automatically think the marriage is over, and then they act on that thinking. That is incorrect information floating around in your brain. 

On the contrary when the marriage begins its stage of doldrums, as all marriages will at some point, it means it is time to bring excitement back into the marriage. Feelings are temporary and do not last. It does not matter if that feeling is one of excitement or of boredom. Since we know that feelings are temporary then we also know that our feelings can change. They can change from despair to happiness in a twinkle of an eye. All it takes is your mind to change it, and your actions to do something about it. 

My suggestion for anyone who feels they are not “in love” with their spouse anymore is to put those negative feelings in your pocket for one week. Next, I want you to get to know the person you married all over again. You have to get to know them again because while you were wallowing in your feelings of not being “in love” anymore you lost touch with the person you married. 

When was the last time you had a meaningful conversation with your spouse? Let’s try that for one week. Meaningful conversation means to actually express your feelings and thoughts with each other in beneficial and productive ways. Be assertive about how and why you feel a certain way, but do not become aggressive with your conversation by finger pointing, blaming or accusing one another. 

Don’t have anything to talk about, let me help you. 

Couples Exercise:

For the next seven days, everyday, I want you to sincerely and openly tell your spouse one character trait that you really like about them. There is no wrong answer here, all answers are right answers, but the answer will always be something kind and nice that you sincerely like about the person you married. Why did you marry them? Let them know. 

For instance during your meaningful conversation, if you tell your wife one of the reasons you married her was because she was caring, expand on the use of that word by using an example or two of the times you felt she was caring. 

Next, I want the “why I married you” character trait to be acted on by the receiver for the duration of the week. For an example, on Monday if your husband tells you that he married you because you were a caring (compassionate) woman then for the whole week do things that would be caring and compassionate for your husband. Think back, what did you do at the beginning of the marriage that maybe you are not doing anymore or as often?

This is an excellent way to bring back the intimacy that was lost so you don’t feel “out of love” with your spouse. And this is your marriage and so you should be willing to work on what you can do to bring the doldrums back into your marriage, right? 

Don’t forget, keep those “I don’t feel ‘in love’ with my spouse anymore” negative feelings in your pocket until the seven days are over. After expressing to your spouse seven reasons why you married them and you still feel like giving up on your marriage, then it is out of God’s hands – you have literally allowed your feelings to control the outcome of your marriage.