How To Bring
Intimacy Back Into Your Marriage
Copyright © 2006
Copyright © 2006
Everyday my husband and I will take a long walk
together, alone, away from the children, and with no distractions of any
kind whatsoever. I call these walks together “special time”.
We do this because we don’t want to lose touch with each other;
we want to remain close. I believe all couples should dedicate
themselves to sharing quality/special time with their spouse one hour each day.
You don’t have to take walks to enjoy special
time. You might want to meet somewhere, for instance. That meeting might
be in a café or on a park bench. It doesn’t matter where you are when
you have special time, what does matter is that you make special time an
intimate moment for the both of you. It is so easy to lose touch with
the person we married. Don’t let that happen to you and your spouse.
Let us consider how we may spur one another on
toward love and good deeds. (Hebrews 10:24)
Make special time with your spouse extra loving and intimate by giving “all” of yourself to the person you married - be appreciative of “who they are to you” in the marriage. When was the last time you complimented your spouse? Let them know how much you care. It is so easy to be negative with your spouse when you do the same mundane schedule day after day. Why do we get negative? Because of the redundancy of marriage, doing the same thing all the time leads us to look at our spouse with the same boredom and negativity that we are feeling.
relationship requires intimate moments. And those moments need your full
attention and compassion. If something else is engrossing your mind,
then your spouse will not get the attention they deserve. Your spouse
deserves to be treated with kindness and forgiveness everyday, not just
when you feel like it.
What can special
time do for your marriage? It can make it more alive, romantic,
intimate, and loving. Special time is a good time to share feelings with
each other and communicate productively; talk about issues that are
troubling you, or new things you would like to share. Be there for each
other! Be supportive of each other’s needs!
other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
together is not having sex. It can, of course, lead up to sex
eventually, but special time is mostly for talking and just listening to
one another as you each share a little bit of yourself with each other.
Special time is not talking about the kids, school, work, housecleaning,
finances or any other everyday duty and chore that can take you away
from each other in the communication. It is for
intimacy and closeness, but without actually having sex.
In other words,
your objective during special time is to only talk about each other and
what you would like to do for each other. Keep the conversation geared
toward wanting to understand and appreciate the person you married. How
can you do that? Listen to their feelings and what they have to say.
Really listen to them. When it is your time to talk, by all means, share
a part of yourself, maybe how you feel about a certain issue, and go
from there. This is what intimacy is all about. You cannot really feel
intimate with someone who only wants sex. Or who keeps their feelings
and thoughts inside of themselves. How intimate is that? All it takes is
one hour of your loving devotion everyday to make an ordinary marriage
Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun – all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun. (Ecclesiastes 9:9)
Questions For Couples
1. Do you have alone time with your spouse at least once a day, with no distractions, and no kids?
2. Name five things you can do with your spouse to get more intimate.
Now set up dates with your spouse, write them on the calendar if you have to, and spend that alone time together. (you'll be surprised at how "out of touch" you have gotten with the person you married.)
3. What constitutes intimacy for you in your marriage. Are you doing that? Why or why not?
4. When was the last time you REALLY listened to your spouses feelings and made a conscience effort to meet their needs?
5. Think hard. What do you think your spouse thinks is lacking in the intimacy department?
6. What are you going to do about it?