Heaven Ministries
Febuary 2011
Newsletter #78

Marriage Alive! Newsletter   

 Marriage Articles

Is Remarriage Adultery? What Does the Bible Say?

Why Does God Allow So Much Suffering and Evil in the World?

Only God Can Wipe Away Our Past, Purify Our Minds And Make Us Whole In Christ

Help - Need Guidelines. Husband Is An Alcoholic and Womanizer!

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How a Husband Should Love His Wife a Wife He Husband

God made them male and female for a reason. 1) To give and receive sexual pleasure in marriage. 2) To bear children for the Lord. 3) To compliment one another in marriage. 4) To show the example of Christ and the churchómarriage is the living symbol of Christ and the church. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.  He nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church.  (Ephesians 5: 28-29) And this is the way marriage should be. 

Read more Here!

 

 

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How to Forgive And Love A Cheating Spouse - Paperback-001.jpg (31348 bytes)

How to Forgive and Love a Cheating Spouse

As Christians are we supposed to forgive a cheating spouse? If your spouse is repentant it is our duty to forgive our spouse. Jesus gave us a good example of this forgiveness when he told everyone who was without sin to drop their stones and to not stone the woman to death.   

He forgave the adulterous woman. But what did Jesus say to the woman? He said 'turn from your sin and sin no more'.  True repentance is not letting sin control our thoughts, minds, hearts, and souls. True repentance means putting away the sin which is keeping us from God, and becoming reborn in Jesus Christ and becoming a new person for service to God according to His purpose for us.

This ebook will help you to forgive, it will show you how to heal your self and restore your marriage after your spouse has committed adultery. To read more about this book, click here. 

 

How Do I Detach From an Alcoholic Spouse - Paperback-003.jpg (37441 bytes)

How Do I Detach From an Alcoholic Spouse?

Are you living with a Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde? Do you awake in your bed and wish you didn't have to start the day with an abusive alcoholic? Are you riding on an addictive roller coaster ride with the alcoholic you married? Do you often feel afraid and depressed because you don't know how the alcoholic is going to behave? Well, it's time to break free! It's time to get off the roller coaster ride and rescue yourself from the behaviors of the alcoholic you live with and love. 

Rescue Yourself From the Traps of Alcoholism

We  hope that you make good use of our healing materials that we have carefully put together by putting the strategies and guidance to work in your personal life and marriage. It is very possible to learn to live with and love the alcoholic in your life, without "it" making YOU go crazy. Don't let addiction steal another minute of your day!


 

Definition of Marriage
Noah Webster 1828 Dictionary

Marriage: The act of uniting a man and woman for life; wedlock; the legal union of a man and woman for life.

Marriage was instituted by God himself for the purpose of preventing the promiscuous intercourse of the sexes, for promoting domestic felicity, and for securing the maintenance and education of children

Is Remarriage Adultery? What Does the Bible Say?

My question: My husband and I have been divorced for 16 years.  He left God and remarried an unbeliever and they have been happily married for about 8 years. He is not a practicing Christian and I donít think he even calls himself one. Am I still not able to be remarried and supposed to wait for him to divorce his unbelieving wife and remarry me?

It seems against Godís character to ďcondemnĒ people to a life of celibacy for punishment of their spouses divorcing them.  I donít see where God, who says ďtherefore, there is no condemnation for those who love God and are called according to His purposesĒ can condemn a person for the rest of their life saying they can never remarry and must be without the affection and intimacy of a spouse again because their spouse divorced them. This does not ring true of Who my God is...... who is merciful, loving, forgiving and full of grace. 

Our Response. Some people don't understand how come God would not allow remarriage if a spouse divorced them. Understanding "why" is understanding why there is pain, suffering and evil in the world. Scripture clearly lets us know that if our first marriage spouse is still living then we are still married to them and remarrying someone else while that spouse is still alive would be considered adultery. We don't say this, the Word of God does!! 

When we look at the whole picture from the beginning from when God first established marriage, and when we understand that God created marriage as a "living symbol" of His relationship with His people we can understand "why" God hates divorce and remarriage. Some of you may feel that we are dictating what you can or cannot do on this subject, or feel as if we are condemning and judging, etc. But this is not the case at all. Some aspects of the word are just VERY difficult for some to perceive. We're just teaching what the Word of God says!! Jesus also says that "not all can receive this."  

But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying (Matthew 19) , save they to whom it is given. (Matthew 19:11)

We passed this question on to another church ministry, so our readers can view another witness on the subject of remarriage. 

While I have much compassion for this woman, as preachers of the Word, she is asking us to widen the narrow way, which we cannot do. As the scripture says, "not all can receive this." If she is truly seeking to do If she is truly seeking to do Christ's will, she does not need to live with her husband to fulfill God's purpose in her life. And as Apostle Paul says, "For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? (1 Corinthians 7:15) She has the opportunity to pray for her husband, that he might repent, so she should never give up on him.

Blessings,

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Why Does God Allow Suffering and Evil in the World?

Peter asked Jesus: "Who then can be saved?" 

And he said, The things which are impossible with men are possible with God. 

Then Peter say, Lo we have left all and followed thee. 

And he said unto them, Verily I say unto you, There is no man that hath left house, or parents, or brethren, or wife, or children, for the kingdom of God's sake, who shall not receive manifold more in this present time and in the world to come life everlasting. (Luke 18:29-30)

Jesus is explaining to Peter that anyone who gives up something in this life to follow Him will be repaid in this life and rewarded in later life. Examples of this might be to give up a career to be a help meet to our husbands, which is following Christ's purpose for a wife and mother. Or perhaps your spouse divorced you and you have to give up remarrying someone else, or perhaps you must give up selfish pleasure in the world to get your life back on track to  follow Christ. The point is we should NOT preoccupy our minds on what we are giving up but on what we are gaining in the kingdom of heaven, and know we are blessed to have such a loving God! 

God does not cause evil and sin in the world. People have free will and that free will has consequences. God does not and would not condemn people to a life of celibacy, but people do it to themselves by their actions. Divorce causes these problems, not God! God hates divorce, and every one knows God hates divorce when they got married, so then since they know that God hates divorce, whose condemning who? People condemn themselves through disobedience and disloyalty to God! God is a loving God!!

When Jesus spoke about marriage to His disciples, they understood what Jesus was saying, because after he spoke about marriage, they said it would be better to not marry if you cannot except that marriage is for life. 

"His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry. But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given...He that is able to receive it, let him receive it. (Matthew 19 10-12)

Our greatest test as Christ-ones may be that when we are going through suffering we NEED to TRUST God even more! We are to trust God's goodness, even though our lives may be going a way we are not pleased with, such as a spouse divorcing us and never being able to remarry. Or having to live with an alcoholic spouse, or going through the suffering and pain when a loved one dies. We MUST trust God through our sufferings. 

These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world. (John 16:33)

God wants us to love Him even when we are suffering. And God is such a loving and marvelous God that He wants us to be with Him, which means choosing Him over what the world as to offer. To those who may wondering why God does not want them to remarry it is because God uses our suffering from a divorce as a means for us to accept and choose Him for our life happiness. God uses our pains and tribulations as a means for us to "give up" what is keeping us from accepting Him wholeheartedly

If we do not suffer through our trials or if we never suffer because of our sinful lifestyle why would we want to stop the sin and choose Him over the sin? It is through our suffering that we are able to show true faith and trust in God. when we sin it causes pain and suffering in our lives. God is not going to stop our suffering for something that we caused. No, He wants us to realize that we NEED Him!

God gives us the free will to turn our back on our sinful lifestyle, whatever that might be, and choose a life with Him! Through our suffering many of us our shown that God is all that we have left, especially when a spouse divorces us, and only then do we realize that remarriage is a sin because "it" is adultery. Our suffering from divorce shows us that God is enough!! We do not need to remarry and have the companionship of a spouse because God is enough to sustain us. 

Bottom line is we must love and obey God regardless of whether we are suffering or not, no matter what is happening in our lives; we must trust Him! Those who endure the testing of their faith will experience Rewards and blessings now and later. And he said unto them, Verily I say unto you, There is no man that hath left house, or parents, or brethren, or wife, or children, for the kingdom of God's sake, who shall not receive manifold more in this present time and in the world to come life everlasting. (Luke 18:29-30)

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Only God Can Wipe Away Our Past, Purify Our Minds 
And Make Us Whole In Christ

When we live our lives as if there is no God there will be consequences. I donít say this scripture does. Many people donít stop to realize that they create negative consequences in their life by making the wrong choices.  An example of this seen in how we live our marriage.  Instead of living our marriage by the One who created it, we manage our marriage through our own understanding. And that is why we donít see the blessings!

Today there are so many people suffering in bad marriages and they just donít get it! They donít understand why they are suffering? They go to church, believe in God, tithe and our baptized and yet they still have so much suffering. Many of these marriages are second marriages and sometimes third marriages!! And there are still infidelities, addictions, emotional difficulties, and a whole lot of past baggage brought into these subsequent second and third marriages. When will the disappointments and suffering stop?  

God does not want our outside appearances to be our way to Him. He wants our hearts and our minds too. He wants our faithful action. Anyone can go to church, tithe and be baptized but not anyone can follow Christ and strive to be like Him. that's because many of us put appearances, money and stuff above our following Christ. Going to church, tithing and being baptized are all nice things to do, but are not required to be with God in His kingdom.

The truth is it is not a new spouse we need when our marriage goes wrong. It is a new perspective on life. We need to receive a new heart and mind. The bottom line is we need healed!! And God is our healer! A new spouse canít heal our soul. A new addiction wonít make us happy. Money is not the key to happiness. Lingering in our past is not going to help us see Godís perspective for our lives. Only God can wipe away our past, purify our minds and make us new people in Christ for righteous and peaceful living in the kingdom of heaven.

But still, this doesn't mean that we wonít have heartache or suffering, and it doesnít mean that our lives will now be a bowl full of cherries and we will live happily ever after. But what it does mean is that we have put our complete trust in God because we know that He is enough to sustain us. And when we do go through trials and tribulations we can go to Him in faith and He will provide for our needs because He says He will!

How many of us choose to live our life under our own wisdom and understanding and then expect to be forgiven for making wrong lifestyle choices according to that understanding, and continue living that lifestyle? Marriage is a covenant made between a man and a woman and God, who is at the center of that marriage, so then how can another man break that covenant you have with God?  I mean think about this. If we donít have the faith to live as Christ-ones then who are we living for?

There are many people who have divorced and remarried while their first marriage spouse is still living. Who knows what God has in store for them, if anything, besides what His Word in the bible says. If you have read the bible then you know what it says about remarriage while a spouse is alive. It is not our place to even guess at the mysteries of God or try to contemplate what God has in mind for those people who have remarried. All we have is His Word to go by and we will continue to teach and preach His Word, even if it is not what people want to hear...

As long as we continue to live as if there is no God we will invariably make the wrong choices for our lives. As an example: alcoholism is not a disease, itís a choice. If it were a disease there would be no cure. But alcoholism is one hundred percent curable by not drinking. Yes, the alcoholic may suffer and be in emotional and physical pain as he or she quits drinking and begins to understand their reality but that is part of the healing process. Many of us, including me have been brought up to believe that alcoholism is a disease. But if you donít drink alcohol than how can alcoholism be made manifest within the body?

The point is we have to consciously and willingly put in the effort to walk with God in His kingdom of heaven by stopping to live in sin. We should not minimize sin in our lives, or justify reasons why God wonít mind if we do something that leads to sin or is sinful behavior. God gives us free will because he wants us to choose Him over our desires. He wants us to choose Him over our desire to drink; He wants us to choose Him over our desire to be unfaithful in our marriage; He wants us to choose Him over the pleasures and desires of this world. Only when we die to these things and choose God will we be free from sins hold on us and be the whole and happy people God created us to be.

If we think alcoholism is a disease we will most likely pity ourselves, blame God, blame others around us and stay trapped within the confounds of alcoholism and all because our mind has willed it to believe that alcoholism is a non-curable disease. Iím not an alcoholic anymore. You know why? Because I donít drink! I donít let alcohol tell me who I am, I leave that up to God.  

In the same respects, if we think we need to be remarried to be happy then we are fooling ourselves, and we will go through life on a pity pot, "oh poor me, my spouse left me and now I can't remarry because it is adultery." This is the wrong attitude to have. God is in control. He knows what you need! Put your faith and trust with Him and He will provide you with what you need. Pray about this and allow God to guide your heart and mind to see His perspective on this issue.

We have to realize that we create illness, mental, emotional, physical within our body, mind, and soul because we make wrong choices and now must face the consequences of those choices, whatever they may be. But because God loves us, we do have a way out of those choices and we can be forgiven through Jesus Christ. He Paid the price for our sins. But we have to turn away from those wrong choices and choose God, because God has already laid out the path for us to follow. We have to get off the path that we have made for ourselves. If we truly want to be forgiven we need to find our way back on the path that leads to God! There is no other way.

To make the right choices means waiting on God to guide us in His wisdom, not our own. We have to put our lives in His hands, which means we NEED to walk in faith and in Godly wisdom and understanding, and that means even if we are suffering. God says we will suffer for doing good. God loves us greatly and wants us to choose Him, but that does not mean we will never suffer again. On the contrary it is through our suffering that we grow more faithful and wise in Him. Without faith it is impossible to Please God.  (Hebrews 11:6)

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Help - Need Guidelines. Husband Is An 
Alcoholic and Womanizer!

My husband is an alcoholic, womanizer and at the same time he usually swears at me by using deep swearing words. I love him because I have a kid for him and I don't want this marriage to be broken. I'm asking from my heart if you could assist me by giving me guidelines so he can change his dirty habit and become a good person. Thank you.

Marriage Guidance: There are so many people suffering that are married to alcoholics or having another loved one who has succumbed to alcoholism. I wish there were a quick and easy solution that we could give to people who are suffering and in desperate need to feel good again, but sadly there is not. All we can do is encourage and guide people to God where true healing is found. 

If your husband were to get real healing from God for the addiction then he would automatically see that his lust behavior is also wrong behavior for a man/husband to have. He is very far from God and does not "see" his behavior as something wrong. What can you do? You can be an example. We can show Christ in our own behavior and try the best we can to love the sinner, but hate the sin. It is hard to do, I know, but this is scriptural. Living with an unbeliever is difficult, no one said it would be easy. But the greatest principle that I can think of here is to be the light of Christ for your husband. It's tough, because he is also an alcoholic. It is hard to be an example to someone who is inebriated all the time. But this is how Jesus wants us to behave with the unbeliever. 

Seek God through your suffering and sincerely ask Him to guide you in His ways. Be faithful to God's will for your life because you never know what God might have in store for you in your marriage. I do know that God uses the believing spouse to bring the lost spouse to Him in repentance...pray...God will give you the strength in Him to endure the suffering you are going through. Believe that and stay faithful!

We can't stop someone from drinking but we can help ourselves from the trap of alcoholism by taking care of our emotional and spiritual well being. The first thing we teach people to do is to detach with love. You've heard of tough love in parenting, right? Well, that is what we must do when dealing with an alcoholic spouse. In our materials we talk a lot about how to emotionally detach from the behaviors that are brought on by the addiction.

We know that alcoholics can become verbally abusive when they drink, and sometimes physically abusive. If it is the latter, then obviously you will have to physically separate yourself from them until they seek help. For the former, we teach about boundaries and detachment. Ideally, having a personal retreat somewhere in your home where you and the children can go to when the alcoholic is getting emotionally abusive is a good idea. 

Do not enable them to drink, and do not rescue them from the behaviors that are brought on by their drinking. The only time you would interfere is if the alcoholic is harming themselves or others. Discernment here is left up to the individual  because circumstances are different in every home.  

Lastly, create personal boundaries for yourself to help YOU!! Personal boundaries are not for the alcoholic but for you and your emotional well being. An example of personal boundaries may be to leave the room when the alcoholic starts to get belligerent, or to not have sex with them if they are sloppy drunk, or to not pay DUI fines. Whatever it is that you need to do according to your circumstances is recommended as a way for you to detach from the alcoholic while not taking responsibility for what they do while drinking. 

You can try to create boundaries for the alcoholic and you should, but don't become disappointed if he happens to break a boundary or two. Alcoholism is a cunning addiction and because of its insidiousness you don't know what is going to happen from one day to the next with the alcoholic. This is precisely why we teach to detach emotionally from the alcoholic. Without detaching you would become frustrated, disappointed and emotionally unpredictable just like the alcoholic. Rescue You!!

Pray for the alcoholic and their sobriety. Never give up hope that one day the alcoholic will get sober. Be supportive when they are ready to quit drinking, let them know you love them and want to be there for them, but also let them know that if they continue to drink you will not do anything that would help them to do that. Read this article for additonal encouragement about what to say to the alcoholic.  How to Talk to Your Spouse About Their Drinking Problem.

God Bless!
Frank and Angie

Heaven Ministries ~ Marriage Healing Ministry
http://www.heavenministries.com

Conquer Addiction Blog
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