Your
husband seems very confused to me and since I am not sure what to say
about that at this time, I can only give you the added encouragement to
keep yourself spiritually aware by staying focused on Christ. It is not by
your own power of perseverance but by asking the Lord to help us in our
weakness and He then blesses us with the Power of the Holy Spirit within
us, which gives us the faith and strength to persevere.
So
that's why it is so important to stay focused on Jesus Christ for your
attitude and actions in the marriage. We are actually powerless to be the
loving and forgiving people to our spouse without Christ in our hearts and
minds on a daily basis.
Communicate
with your husband about his indecisiveness. I would have a good talk with
your husband and see why he is behaving lackadaisical and confused about
his position in your marriage. Express your feelings about this situation
in a good way, always keeping the conversation geared toward yourself by
using “I feel” words. You want these conversations to be productive
and resolve the issue, and it can when you use phrases such as those
listed below.
"I
feel like…"
"I
would like to know…”
"If
I could…"
“I
wish that I…”
Try
and not use finger pointing and accusing phrases as these below. This will
not help your husband to come out with his feelings but will keep him
tight lipped and he will probably walk away.
"You
are like…"
"You
make me feel…"
"What
is wrong with…?"
"Why
are you so…?"
"I
can’t stand it when...”
When
you speak in a finger pointing way, or in an accusatory manner, he will
shut down and not give you any real answers. What you want to do is first
express yourself in a good, productive way, so he will want to return the
favor. You see how that works?
For
an example:
Say---"I
feel that we should try and spend more quality time with each
other so we can have a more fruitful marriage, what do you
think?"
Don't
say --- "You should
try and spend more time with me, that's what I think!"
Say--- "I
think that every time you leave, it makes us more disconnected from one
another, and I feel that for me, I could love you more if we could spend
more time together. What do you think?"
Don't
Say---"Every time
you leave, it makes me disconnected from you. Don't you love me? Why don't
you want to work on our marriage? I have a hard time loving you
because you are always walking out. What's wrong with you?"
Of
course, I do not know your circumstances, so you will have to be ready and
prepared with what you are going to say. Communication is a very important
part of marriage, and so much frustration and confusion can be totally
eradicated by productive communication between spouses. Ask God to
give you the words to say and the faith to continue persevering for your
marriage. Work on spending more quality time together doing those things
you both enjoy.
Article
Resources:
Choosing
to Work on Your Marriage
How
To Apply Productive Communication into Your Marriage
The
Rock of Love For Marriage
Scripture
References:
Not
only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that
suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character; and character,
hope. (Roman's 5:3,4 NIV)
Let
us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles,
and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix
our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith. (Hebrews 12: 1,2
NIV)
Until next
Wednesday, Take care and God bless! -- Angie
copyright 2007