to Apply Productive Communication into Your Marriage
In the past few months I have done some
due diligent research into the troubles associated with marriage. Not to my
amazement, I have discovered that in eight out of ten marital qualms, negative
emotions, feelings and attitude, played a big role in the outcome of a
coupleís marriage. Am I surprised? Not really.
I know somewhat about how emotions can
wreck havoc in marriage because I have been there and done that already. The
good news is that through proper self expression and healing, both husband and
wife can learn to not allow their negative emotions to control the outcome of
Couples get defensive, emotional, argumentative,
and controlling with each other when they arenít being listened to. How can
they listen to each other properly? Acknowledge
and validate each others feelings. Let your spouse know that their feelings are
ok to have. Donít tell them how emotional they are, or donít tell them
theyíre feelings are wrong. Instead listen to what they have to say.
Many men feel that women are too
emotional, and that may be true, but so what? Work with her feelings by being
understanding and tolerant of those feelings. After you have validated her
feelings, then if you have a second opinion or something else to add, by all
means, do so. But donít run away from her, or donít tell her how emotional
she is. She doesnít want to hear that from you. Be
productive in your expression and communication.
Women feel that men clam up or become
distant and negative when they are emotional. How can we help our man? By being
our manís right arm. This is what God intended for the married woman. God gave
us women the insight and talents to be our husbandís helpmate. A manís
talent lies elsewhere, like providing for financially and protecting his family
So how can we not let those pesky
emotions control the way we think and feel? By
being positive and productive with how we are feeling.
It is so easy to turn into a couple of
chameleons with each other. Your husband comes home in a bad mood, and what do
you do? Lash back with the same attitude. Now what do we have? A
pair of bulls with bad attitudes butting heads with each other.
Next time your spouse decides they are
going to have a bad attitude, go ahead and let them have a bad attitude, donít
fight it. You certainly do not need
to have one too. Try instead to be understanding of your spouses negative
emotions by applying kind expression. Ask them how you can help? Remember we are
not a mirror of the person we married. We can allow negative attitudes to bounce
right off of us and turn it into something productive. Try it! Youíll see that
We women are the right arms to our
husbandís. Thatís what we were created for. That
means weíre to help our grouchy husbandís to see that they really did marry
a kind-hearted woman who cares. So, how do we show him what he can do to improve
the marriage on his end? Thatís easy, through our own nice attitude and not by
trying to change his. How productive
is that? Very!
Ironically, we communicate feelings
improperly when we have a bad attitude. With
the bad attitude comes improper emotionsí controlling the outcome of our
communication. Now we have a communication breakdown taking hold of the
marriage, and this is when marriage gets derailed from the positive outlook it
needs for proper nurturing and care.
A good marriage needs understanding,
acceptance, trust, and giving. But
improper communication mixed with bad attitude and emotions halt these
productive actions from happening.
I highly encourage couples to take hold
of their marriage by learning proper techniques to control their emotions and
express themselves productively for improving the marriage.
Healthy communication during an argument
should always be directed towards self and not directed toward your spouse. Give
each other time to express what they have to say without interrupting. Do not
finger point and blame. Donít run away or act like the victim. Be thoughtful
and accepting of your spouseís faults. Stop trying to control the person you
married. Learn to be productive with your feelings, using them in positive ways
rather than negative.
We all have the capabilities of being
productive and fruitful in our marriage; it just takes a little bit of effort on
our part to work at those areas that need a little extra TLC. Try to not base
the marriage upon the negative of what you see in the world but on the positive
and beautiful of what God created for us.
Feed your marriage with godly wisdom and
it will grow and blossom into what God meant for marriage to be. You and your
spouse are the two legs holding up the marriage, when one leg falls, work on
what you can do to repair the broken leg and support the marriage upon the
design of the Master.
My dear brothers, take note of this:
Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for
manís anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. James
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Copyright © 2006 Heaven Ministries ~ Angie Lewis