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Angie’s
Marriage Column – November 14, 2007 Question:
How can I get my husband to truly understand what it means to be humble
and I need some ideas on things he could do everyday to show me that I
can trust him again and that it is his responsibility as the unfaithful
spouse? Guidance:
Unfortunately we cannot “get” someone to behave humble for us –
they must come to that understanding on their own and then change
themselves. So for your own spiritual well-being, I encourage you to
shift your focus from your husband’s faults and start focusing your
discontent on what God can do for you and then change yourself. Pride
is a BIG issue in marriage because it stands in the way of all that is
good for marriage such as compassion, intimacy, giving, forgiveness –
Pride has a way of steering us down a road of self-destruction if we are
not careful because it keeps us from discovering Christ for our life. Woe
unto them that are wise in their own eyes, and prudent in their own
sight! (Isaiah 5:21 If
you wish someone to be humble in their ways, we first must be humble in
our own ways. Trying to control and change people is pride! We first
must be humble and walk in the Lord so others may see our virtue and
they will want to turn their lives around. Humbleness
comes from trusting our lives (marriage) over to God. Only when we have
the faith to depend on God will we stop doing things OUR WAY and in the
way WE WANT. We must learn
to give up pride and give control over to God! When
a husband and wife puts God first in their life, everything they do will
be based upon His Word, and humbleness comes without even thinking about
it. But when our priorities are wrapped up within what the world does
and thinks, we tend to become selfish and proud, unable to be the humble
people God wants us to be. It
is all about priorities. Marriage is not about self but about two people
loving each other in the ways we have been taught from the Word of God.
When a wife understands her role in marriage on the foundations of God
being first in her life, she finds submitting to her husband’s
protection not that difficult. And once husband begins to put God first
in his life he will know the ways in which to properly love his wife
with. When a husband and wife understand their roles and
responsibilities in marriage according to God, the marriage becomes
blessed. I
wish there was a cure-all easy answer for your dilemma, but there
isn’t. We all just need to decide what is important in our life and
live our lives “based” on that. As
for your second question, your husband must first be accountable to God
for his actions. If your husband does not first repent of his
unfaithfulness to God, he will have a hard time being accountable for
his actions to his wife. Is your husband willing to take up the issue
with God and ask for forgiveness? Is he willing to turn his back on that
wayward lifestyle and sin no more? Is your husband willing to be reborn
a new man in the life of Jesus Christ? That is what repentance
is. Knowing
this, that our old man is crucified with him, that the body of sin might
be destroyed, that henceforth we should not serve sin. For he
that is dead is freed from sin. (Romans 6:6,7 KJV) If your
husband has repented and is ready to begin loving his wife in the
ways of the Lord, then there are several ways to bring back trust
in the marriage. Here are just a few. 1.
Husband should be willing to allow wife to call him (not on
cell phone) anytime at work. 2.
Husband should be willing to give up nights out with buddies or take his
wife with him, if she wants to go. 3.
Husband should verbally be willing to tell his wife that on that day he
was faithful by taking each day one day at a time. He should do this
every night before they both go to sleep. This way she hears him say it
and it is reassuring. 4.
Husband should be willing to call his wife from work and let her know
that he is on his way home from work. Every home has its own circumstances, and so you must figure out in what ways the unfaithful spouse can be answerable that would best fit both needs. Understand too, that after a time a spouse should begin to trust again and there will be no need for this type of accountablity between husband and wife. …for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble. Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time. (1 Peter 5:5,6 KJV) Until next Wednesday, May God bless you for His glory in His kingdom! In Christ, Angie
Copyright 2007 |