Heaven Ministries
May 2007
Issue 45

Marriage Alive! Newsletter

What's New

NEW Book on Alcohol Addiction To Be Published Soon!

Beyond Alcoholism and Towards Total Sobriety

 

Marriage Articles

Stop Divorce in its Tracks

A Wife's Submission To Her Husband

 

Other Articles

Alcohol: The Most Used And Abused Drug By Teenagers

 

Question From A Reader

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Preview or buy Love The Woman You Married

Amazon.com

 

Preview or Buy Love The Man You Married

Amazon.com

 

Marriage Advice - Jane Wells

Let your love be stronger than your hate and anger.
Learn the wisdom of compromise,
for it is better to bend a little than to break.
Believe the best rather than the worst.
People have a way of living up or down
to your opinion of them.
Remember that true friendship
is the basis for any lasting relationship.
The person you choose to marry
is deserving of the courtesies
and kindnesses you bestow on your friends.
Please hand this down to your children and
your children's children.

 

Journey on The Roads 
Less Traveled

Book Description
Journey on the Roads Less Traveled is a spiritual journey providing an avenue for people to change their lives through Jesus Christ in a way that is not commonly understood. The less traveled roads take the reader down a comprehensive and well-rounded foundational understanding into the biblical world of acceptance, beliefs, spirituality, feelings, marriage, children, family, forgiveness, temptation, faith, and finally prayer while applying the power of ďreal loveĒ into all of the above elements.   $17.95

Order Journey on the Roads Less Traveled

Learn more

What's New 

I am finishing up a book project on alcohol addiction. This book is written for the alcoholic and the spouse or loved one of an alcoholic. It is filled with excellent information that you probably won't find in other books concerning this topic. If you are an alcoholic or are a loved one of an alcoholic I recommend this book! This book is written from my own experience battling with addiction and what I did to get  "Beyond Alcoholism and Towards Total Sobriety!" A must read! 

UPDATE in 2008. The book is now titled The Alcoholism Trap and is now available in all popular online bookstores. 

SEE THE CHAPTERS

If you would like to be contacted when this book is available for purchase, let me know by replying here: Contact us Here

Stop Divorce In Its Tracks

 

The Lawyer's make it very easy for couples to divorce one another just because of irreconcilable differences. ďIrreconcilable differencesĒ are words used for most divorce decrees that give justification for divorce. Itís true, couples have conflicting opinions from time to time, and they may even have major conflict once in a while, but these differences do not warrant the separation from each other according to God. 

Lately I have been getting more and more emails from people who are not in agreement to divorce their spouse, what can they do? Donít they have any say-so in the matter? Itís unfortunate because according to the state, they donít have any say-so.  A spouse can refuse to sign the papers, but the state has loopholes for that too, it is called the ďuncontested divorceĒ, which means, if you donít sign, the divorce proceedings will go on without you and you will then have no say-so in any of the logistical matters concerning the divorce. I did the research.

Many Christian married folks now-a-days have worldly attitudes about what marriage is and what marriage should be; not all of them, but many of them. As Christianís we should never venture out of the godly realm of authority and into society for the answers we need.  The Master Designer Himself is the only One who really cares about you and your marriage.

The main reason a spouse might decide to get a divorce is because they are unwilling to work on the marriage. They usually have no idea that they too might be at fault for the problems associated with the marriage. Selfishness blinds people to having a committed heart to someone else. They are really only interested in serving themselves. The problem with this kind of attitude is that putting your spouseís feelings in front of yours is what marriage is all about!

Iím not saying that all the fault should go to the spouse who wants the divorce; it certainly takes two to tango, but which spouse is the one being selfish, the one who wants to work on the marriage and stop divorce or the spouse who doesnít want to work on the marriage and get a divorce? The only thing that will have any real impact on a spouse deciding to work on the marriage rather than get a divorce is the power of the Holy Spirit within them. Only Christ can change a bad attitude. 

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  (Romans 12:2 NIV)

Christian couples divorce because they are out of balance spiritually within themselves. They have been conditioned to believe, if they donít ďfeelĒ a certain way, or if their spouse sinned against the marriage, they are entitled to divorce. But that is not what God says. Divorce is ugly and vengeful, and it always hurts someone terribly. You can stop divorce in its tracks by realizing that it is out of a hardened heart that most divorces take place.

I believe if couples would only slow down, and take the time to find themselves; to realize that they have a part in the disintegration of the marriage, they can together seek the proper answers they need to rectify any irreconcilable differences, and save the marriage.

Donít waste your time focusing on what your spouse did or didnít do. Focus on allowing Jesus Christ to direct your spirit in the proper ways of loving yourself and others. Meditate on Godís words of wisdom for your marriage daily, and watch how easy your thinking changes from the divorce mentality to choosing to work on your marriage.

A husband, who unconditionally loves his wife, will not seek a divorce. And the wife who unconditionally loves her husband will not seek a divorce.  It doesnít always seem fair, but when you understand how love operates through the workings of what Jesus Christ did for you, you will better understand how you can love others unconditionally.

Jesus Christ loved us so much that He paid a debt he did not owe because we owed a debt we could not pay?  The same analogy applies to marriage. Donít love because you want something in return; love because that is a principled aspect of who you are.

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this way: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8 NIV)

   

A Wife's Submission To Her Husband

 

Some Christian wives tell me they have a difficult time submitting to their husband because he is behaving inappropriately, either through controlling behavior or demanding submission, or other ungodly activities.  If this is the case, I must admit that it would be difficult to submit to this kind of authority. After all, many of these women go on to tell me they thought they married a man of God, not a Hitler.

Fortunately, God knew that this would happen from time to time, and so He left us with appropriate instructions on how to handle this kind of marital difficulty. First of all before we get into what appropriate action to take, wives should identify the consistency of this kind of behavior, and then try and figure out what she can do to rectify the situation from happening. 

Does your husband behave controlling only some of the time, all of the time, or only once in awhile? The reason she needs to identify the consistency of his behavior is simple, really. If a man consistently demands that his wife submit to him, than he has his own spiritual issues that need attended to before he can actually think that his wife should submit to his tyrant behavior.  Issues within ourselves are what keep us from loving one another in the proper ways.

If it happens only once in awhile, then she needs to look at herself, and find out what she may be doing to upset the godly nature of her husband and stop doing what it is she is doing. Or he may be going through an emotionally stressful time in his life, and only needs to feel reassured about something. These kinds of issues in marriage need talked out in proper communication. If a husband only gets controlling and demanding once in awhile, then I would tend to believe there is probably good reason for his spiritual authority and protection at that time. 

One problem I see is that many Christian women hang around with other single and unbelieving women at work, and they tend to adapt to each otherís philosophy and beliefs, even trying to conform to worldly standards and remain a Christian. For instance, a Christian woman may hear how much fun it is to go out dancing in bars from her unbelieving friends, and believes she is missing out on some fun. When she goes home she has a difficult time submitting to her husband when he says he doesnít want her to go out dancing in bars with friends. Or her friends tell her how they boss their husband around and would never ever submit to their husband in a million years! Hello! Do not be unevenly yoked with unbelievers!

A husband may see his role as head of the family a bit differently than his wife. Most Christian husbandís who take their position seriously may protect their wives from outside influences with great authority, while she may take his behavior as demanding or controlling. Great discernment and godly wisdom is needed here, not forgetting to pray about it together, so you may both understand what is the proper way to lead and the proper way to submit. If either spouse fail to commit to the purpose set out for them by God, there will be troubles such as described above.

On the other hand, if a husband is often taking advantage of his leadership position than I tend to believe he is an unbeliever using the scripture for his own gain. And if that were the case God has specific instructions for that. 

And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified by his believing wifeÖ  (1 Corinthians 7:13-14 NIV)

Many times in such circumstances a Christian wife finds her strength through the power of Christ in her life and she can remain married and sometimes her husband may even become a believer. This is what God intends for marriage, but it may not happen in all marriages.

In a healthy marriage both husband and wife submit to each other but the husband is the main spiritual leader. A woman who is sure of herself and is made to feel good about who she is will not have a problem submitting to her husbandís loving influence.

Submit to one another out of reverence to Christ. (Ephesians 5:21 NIV)

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. (Ephesians 5:22-24 NIV)

Jesus Christ submitted His will to the Father, and Christianís are to honor Christís example. So then this is how a wife is to submit to her husband. If she does not submit to her husband, then she is not honoring Christ or His example He left for us to follow. 

To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example that you should follow in his steps. (1 Peter 2:21 NIV)

 

NEW BOOK ~ Beyond Alcoholism and Towards Total Sobriety - the Chapters

Part 1

1.  Are You an Alcoholic?

2.  The 3 Stages of Denial

3.  What Makes Alcoholic's So Special?

4.  Alcoholism and Morals

5.  Is Alcoholicís Anonymous For You?

6.  Alcoholism and Spiritual Health

7.  Is Alcoholism Hereditary?

8.  Alcoholism and Hypoglycemia

9.  Alcoholism, Diet and Health

10. Breaking Free Ė Biblical Intervention

 

 

Part 2

 

 

1.    Forgiving the Alcoholic

2.    Detaching With Love

3.    7 Steps to Help Them Get Sober

4.    A Healthy Detachment

5.    Stop Rescuing

6.    Setting Realistic Boundaries 

7.    For The Husband of an Alcoholic Wife (written by my husband)

 8.   Total Abstinence Best Policy

 

 

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Conservative Swimsuits!

 

Get ready for summer!  Finally, someone has come up with an inspiring swimsuit line that is not only flattering but conservative as well. You can have these suits custom tailored to your  tastes. They are made of light cotton, and very comfortable according to the girls who have worn them. Check out these special swimsuits for Christian teens

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Question From A Reader

 

Question: Could you give me some places where you think teenagers could find hip yet modest clothing?

Thanks!

 

Answer: Yes! Almost any clothing shop will have some conservative clothing line. If you want hip and conservative, that might be a bit harder to find, but they are out there. I read in the newspaper just the other day that teenagers are checking out thrift shops and clothing bargain houses for clothes because they can buy so much more for their money. 

 

      If you really look good through everything, you can really pick out some nice pieces (name brand) of clothing for a fraction of the cost of retail outlets. Almost every time I go to a thrift shop for clothes I find a golden nugget hidden away. I am glad you liked the article.

Also...please check out this line of conservative swimsuits for teenage girls. 

www.modest-swimwear.net/index.htm/

 

Alcohol: The Most Used And Abused Drug By Teenagers

According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, June 1997, alcohol is the leading cause of death among teenagers. Teenage drinking contributes to the high rate of teenage car crashes, traumatic injuries, suicide and date rape. Alcohol is by far the most used and abused drug among America's teenagers today. According to a national survey, nearly one third (31.5%) of all high school students reported hazardous drinking of five or more drinks in one setting.

Twenty million American's are alcoholics, and the children of these alcoholics are likely to inherit the disease. More than 40% of those who start drinking at age fourteen or younger become alcoholics. The problem I see is the lack of knowledge about alcoholism being an inherited disease. Children of alcoholics are four times more likely than other children to become alcoholics, according to the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry

Teenagers, if you have a mother, father, or grandparent with the disease, then you might be susceptible to becoming an alcoholic. It is not a good idea to even have one drink. It is like playing Russian roulette. Abstinence is the best strategy against defying the odds of being another death statistic in the cogs of alcoholism.

I came from an alcoholic background, and I know first hand the destructive affects of what alcohol can do. I had no way of knowing that I would become an alcoholic, even though my grandfather was an alcoholic. I didn't know that at the age of seventeen, while drunk, I would be driving with my best friend and roll my car three times into a telephone pole. Fortunately for me, I wasn't hurt, but my friend will have back problems for life.

I can't tell you in a short article all the pain and suffering I put my mother through when I was a teenage drinker, or the anguish I put my husband through, but I can tell you this, I have been completely freed and forgiven through the love and saving grace of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  I have been alcohol free for over fourteen years!

Teenagers please don't let yourself become trapped within the depths of this insidious disease; instead become informed about the susceptibility of alcoholism being passed down from one generation to the next. Abstinence and education is the best and most effective means of preventing the use and abuse of alcohol.

All it takes is one drink of alcohol if you carry the gene from a relative; that one drink is ONE too many! And even if you are not susceptible to becoming an alcoholic, alcohol is very dangerous and can make you do stupid things you normally would not do. Abstinence is the best policy!

 

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I hope you enjoyed the Heaven Ministries Marriage Alive Newsletter! 

Take care. God bless!

As always, comments and questions are welcome.   

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