More Reasons To Stay Married
Ways To A Successful Marriage
Start Your Mind With Spiritual Affirmations
you drink and what you can do to beat alcohol addiction for good
and achieve total sobriety.
Available at Amazon
Below are a
few excerpts from the book, The Alcoholism Trap
Addiction can be controlled just like
obesity can be controlled. Obesity like addiction can be
controlled through proper eating and healing of the spiritual,
emotional, and psychological aspects of the addictive personality,
which when restored to health is total sobriety. Total
sobriety is the cure for alcoholism.
Total sobriety is the only real
cure for alcoholism. Some sober alcoholics have told me that years
after they quit drinking they still felt depressed, anxious,
panicky, angry, or resentful. These emotions have nothing to do
with alcohol addiction, except for the fact that it is probably
one of the elements that facilitated addiction to
alcohol in the first place! The
question that needs to be asked here is why is a person depressed?
Why is a person still holding in anger and other negative
feelings? What can addictive people do for themselves mentally,
emotionally, and spiritually that will help them with their
alcoholic is still depressed years after quitting drinking, the
chances are they will still exhibit an addictive personality and
will feel the need to abuse drugs, food, sex, and or alcohol to feel
trusting in what God says is true, the alcoholic can believe in
the power of God’s word to help guide him or her away from their
fears and into God’s truth and love. God’s breath-filled
words, and spiritual presence over-powers any weakness we may have
and reveals the truth in the addict. The weakness is the
addiction, and not the person. The person is not weak, but the
addiction controls the person through his or her compulsion to
drink, which is the weakness.
bottom line is addicts are powerless without God! The Spirit of
Christ is the stronghold for the alcoholic. It is the foundation
for the alcoholic’s life! Do you want to stop
beating yourself up? Humble down your proud and arrogant ways. Let
go of the old sinful selfish person to God. Let go of all your
heavy burdens. Believe in yourself and know what a better person
you can become, without the weight of addiction upon your
Buy from Lulu
a Free hardcopy of The Alcoholism Trap
me by using the contact button on the website.
You Love an Alcoholic?
second part of The Alcoholism Trap is written for those who
love an alcoholic
You may already know that you are powerless
to getting your loved one to stop drinking. So the next best thing
is to detach from them. The first step in being able to detach is
by realizing that the shenanigans of the alcoholic is not your
problem. Don’t try and fix their messes for them. Not only does
this enable them to continue drinking, but also justifies their
drinking. Don’t allow yourself to
become ensnared in the alcoholic trap with them. Stay out of the
trap, so you can help them. Ninety-five percent of what an
alcoholic says is manipulative in nature anyway, just so you will
keep enabling their behavior; so don’t start believing in the
lies of the addiction. Separate yourself from the antics of the
How can you
live with an alcoholic and love them at the same time? Very
carefully. It’s true, it is very difficult to live with an
alcoholic, but people do it all the time. Most loved ones of
alcoholics are unhappy and lonely because they are not doing
anything about their circumstances. Going to Al-Anon and or
reading the Al-Anon materials can be a relief in itself, and so I
highly suggest you decide in which way you are going to attain the
knowledge and information you need to help yourself.
If your spouse
had diabetes or cancer, would you get sick with them? Of course
not, so why get sick with the alcoholic? That is what you are
doing each and every time you enable, rescue, justify, and stay in
denial. Granted, it is a lot harder loving someone with addiction
then it is someone with cancer, but each sickness has its own
circumstances and issues that need dealt with accordingly.
you realize the impact of how your actions may be affecting
the alcoholic in your life, you can detach properly from the
alcoholic’s destructive behavior. Detaching
can be difficult to do but if you love the alcoholic and want to
be supportive, detaching with love is the way to go. Are
you enabling your loved one to drink? Are you rescuing them from
their problems and responsibilities? Ask yourself these questions
to find out?
I doing anything that would enable the alcoholic to drink?
I doing anything that would facilitate the alcoholic’s behavior?
I doing anything that would rescue the alcoholic from his
I getting driven into the disease with the alcoholic?
There is hope for the
alcoholic in your life, if you take care of yourself first, by not
enabling, rescuing or getting driven into the addiction. Once you
are aware of what you should and should not do, you will be free
to set boundaries for yourself in the home.
is a trap, but you can stay out of it and actually help your loved
one out too.
This is the complete
guide to alcoholism and its insidious trap.
Reasons To Stay Married
There are many good reasons why we
should stay married.. Here are just a few. Can you think of any more? I'm
sure there are many more reasons for staying married. This article is for
those couples that are contemplating divorce.
1. Divorce Hurts
Divorce can take the whole family
for a loop. Divorce brings about tension and animosity among family
members, frustration and confusion, anger and rebelliousness to the truth,
and downright selfishness. Younger children,
especially, can be devastated by the effects of divorce.
2. Divorce Will Not Make You
In a major new study, statistics
show that divorce does not make a person happier. In fact, a study
conducted by a team of leading family scholars headed by University of
Chicago sociologist Linda Waite, the study found that two-thirds of
unhappily married spouses who stayed married reported that their marriages
were happy five years later. In addition, the most unhappy marriages
reported the most dramatic turnarounds: among those who rated their
marriages as very unhappy, almost eight out of 10 who avoided divorce were
happily married five years later! Wow, now what does that tell you?
3. Most Marriages Are Restorable
In most cases, divorce gives
people an easy way out of a restorable situation. Divorce keeps people
from being able to handle stresses and trials of a relationship later on
down the road and the chances they will divorce again are high. Most
marriages are restorable just by putting in the added spiritual effort
into them, and that goes for your marriage too!
4. Divorce Is An Unacceptable
I think that divorce is a selfish
and one-sided decision from one spouse who is unwilling to put in the
added effort that marriage needs. But have you stopped to think about how
by divorcing your first love you are breaking apart a creation that God
established? God is the Creator and Master Designer of Marriage. There is
not an establishment in society that can actually break a contract between
you and God. That is why you are considered still married in God’s eyes.
But for Adam no suitable HELPER
was found. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and
while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the
place with flesh. Then the Lord made woman out of the rib he had taken out
of the man, and he brought her to the man, the man said, “This is now
bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh, she shall be called woman, for she
was taken out of man. For this reason a man will leave his father and
mother and be untied to his wife, and they will become one flesh. (Genesis
Can you see how choosing to rely
on divorce is actually a selfish act? Not only is it selfish but also
divorce is often a spontaneous act proceeded out of the unwillingness to
accept responsibility in the marriage.
5. You Can Choose To Work on Your
When we choose to do what’s
right, and truly ask for God’s guidance by removing selfishness from our
hearts and minds, and apply “principled acts” of love into the
marriage, we realize more of what we have and what marriage really means
to us – it becomes more important in our spiritual bank because we
actually understand our purpose for marriage. Marriage is not about only
you and what you want - it is about the both of you and how you both can
serve God in your marriage.
6. Marriage Should Be A Lifetime
For believers, I have to say,
there really are no loopholes in marriage for divorce, not even
infidelity. If a man or woman is married to an abuser in any form, they
can separate from each other for a time, but even that does not
justify divorce in God’s eyes. He expects married couples to work
problems out instead of divorce. Again, this is where perseverance comes
Not only so, but
we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces
perseverance, perseverance, character; and character, hope. (Romans 5:3,4
7. God Wants You To Stay Married?
God does not want us to break
apart what He has instituted. In fact, God being the creator of marriage
is also the controller of marriage. This is precisely why scripture says,
“Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits
adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery”.
(Luke 16: 18 NIV)
In God’s eyes and in the
contract between you, your spouse, and God, you’re still married!
As believers we have options for helping us to stay happily married
rather than break up the home front. Those options may include not chasing
after the easy outs of society and asking God to give you the perseverance
and faith to stick it out with your first love.
Ways To A Successful Marriage
Make God Your First Love – Ephesians 6:21
we make God our first love than the rest of the character traits
seem to come into play all on its own, don’t you think?
Love Unconditionally – Romans 12:9
know that sometimes it is difficult to love unconditionally, but
is it not better to be all that we can be for others than not to
Be Submissive – Ephesians 5:21
is not losing oneself to a controlling husband, it is giving
yourself to someone you care for in a selfless and loving way.
All good relationships require submission.
Be Respectful – 1 Peter 2:17
is so hard about respecting the person we married? If we have
been hurt by our spouse, why not work it out in a respectable
and responsible manner instead of holding in grudges? This way
you can go on respecting one another.
Be Appreciative - 1 Thessalonians 3:9
was the last time you gave your spouse a hug and told them you
appreciate them just for being who they are?
Be Compassionate – Colossians 3:12
goes a long way when your spouse needs your supportive
understanding and reassurance on something.
But all too often a spouse rejects the other because they
disagree or are holding in resentment about something else. Get
to the bottom of your problems so you may love one another
Be Considerate – Galatians 5:22
considerate and kind with your spouse at all times, even if they
are in a “not so good mood” and accidentally said something
they shouldn’t. Work with your spouse not against them.
Be Giving – 2 Corinthians 9-7
a giving person without expecting something in return takes the
three P’s -- Patience, Practice and Prayer. We have been
conditioned into believing that when we give, we must receive
something in return for our efforts, but God’s world does not
work like that. Don’t "expect" so you won’t feel
Be Gentle in Spirit – 1 Timothy 3:2,3
not go to bed in anger. When angry communicate that anger in a
productive way rather than negative way. It is okay to be angry,
it is not okay to direct that anger at someone.
Be Humble – Matthew 23-12
you get proud and arrogant with your spouse, they will put up
their defenses and that works against the marriage. Be open,
honest, and humble with each other.
Be Trustworthy – 1 Timothy 3:11
Trustworthy. Never give your spouse reason to not trust you
because of what you say or because of your actions.
Be Faithful – Hebrews 13:4
is a great virtue of character. All couples can be faithful when
they choose that path.
Be Devoted To One Another – Romans 12:10
devoted to one another through the good times and the “not so
good times”. All marriages go through some rough spots from
time to time, work through those rough times and watch how your
perseverance builds character.
Be Forgiving – Colossians 3:13
must forgive one another daily. Bear with each other and learn
to accept one another.
Seek Wisdom - Proverbs 8:10,11
Godly wisdom is one of the most important aspects of
understanding how to love one another properly.
Communicate Well – Proverbs 10:19
to communicate productively with your spouse. When issues and
arguments pop up in the marriage you will be glad you know how
to handle yourself in the proper ways that actually get issues
Be Understanding – 2 Corinthians 6:3-10
an understanding spouse means so much to the relationship. No
one wants to feel alone or invalidated for feeling a certain way
or doing a certain thing. Marriage is teamwork, so work
Be Compromising – James 4: 1-2
arguments and managing the household by apply compromising
solutions is what keeps a marriage running smoothly. Know whose
role and responsibilities are whose and then apply yourself to
that position in a loving manner.
Manage Well – 1 Timothy 3:1-11
your relationship and household takes focus and organization.
Just make sure you keep God at the top of the priority list and
everything else will fall aptly into place.
Be Selfless – Philippians 2:3
loving actions is loving unconditionally. No one will ever
totally be able to love in this manner but Christ is our example
to follow, so we should strive to be the best we can for others
through our actions.
Be Committed To Your Marriage – Proverbs 5:18,19
If we are committed to God than we are committed to our
This is my list
for a healthy marriage. We may slip up and error, but that is
okay, we are not condemned for erring; we are condemned for not
Start Your Mind With Spiritual Affirmations
What we think and believe
will inevitably come out in our actions. In one-way or another a negative
attitude can make or break a relationship. The power of your mind is
a strong force and can be used to do good with or can be used to do damage
with. What do you watch on TV? Who do you hang out with in your spare
time? What kind of people do you work with on any given day?
were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old
self, which being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in
the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like
God in true righteousness and holiness. (Ephesians 4:22,23 NIV)
What happens when we
watch inspirational and meaningful programs on television? We walk away
feeling good and having a good outlook on life. We literally become
inspired. But what happens when watch horrific or violent images and hear
negative and destructive programs on television? It gives us the opposite
effect, doesn't it? We may feel depressed, sad, lonely, or angry watching
these negative programs on a daily basis. It may even give us
nightmares during the night, making us feel tired and grouchy in the
In the same way, the
people we associate with could be steering us away from God rather than to
God. As believers our minds absolutely need a daily dose of spiritual
wisdom and guidance to help us get through the day. Many people we
interact with through the day may use foul language, or boast unkind words
about each other, and they may have a bad attitude toward life in general.
This is not what our minds need to see and hear every day.
Affirm your Christ
centered beliefs every day with daily devotions and prayer. Keep your
focus always on Christ and take Him with you when you leave the house.
When you go to work and when you are around people who cannot control
their tongues and bad attitudes, you can be the salt of the earth and the
light on the mountaintop for them!
attitude should be the same as that of Jesus Christ. (Philippians 2:5 NIV)
How can we have a Christ
like attitude when we get all stressed out because the boss gave us a
heavy load, or there is too much office politics between co-workers, or
there is favoritism going on with the manager? Don't let yourself become a
part of it!
everyone born of God overcomes the world. (1 John 5:4 NIV)
As Christ followers we
are not to be a part of this world. We should not intermingle within the
worldly behaviors and attitudes of unbelievers. Don't let the world tell
you who you are - let God tell you who you are. We must learn to affirm in
our heart and mind who we are and what we believe through what we know to
the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God's sight. (1
Corinthians 3:19 NIV)
I don't believe, that no
matter how hard we tried, we could ever have the same attitude as Jesus,
but at least we have an example to follow, so that when we are in the
world among unbelievers we can be the affirmation for Jesus Christ. Jesus'
attitude was a humble one and He walked the earth serving others. We
should try and follow that attitude to the best of our ability. To serve
others is not to be like them but to be different and stand out as an
example of virtue and principles. Isn't that following Jesus Christ?
fear what they fear; do not be frightened. But in your hearts set apart
Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks
you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with
gentleness and respect. (1 Peter 3:14,15 NIV)
hope you enjoyed the Heaven
care. God bless!
always, your Comments and
questions are welcome.
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