October 22, I will be interviewed on www.globaltalkradio.com/
to discuss my new book, Journey on the Roads Less Traveled. The
segment is called, "a Story To Tell", which is the new
author section. Hope you all will come listen to the program. It
will be broadcast soon after the program
5 Things You Should Know
I talk a lot about
forgiveness in marriage
and relationships. Why? Because without forgiving those who have wronged
us, we will never be able to forget the wrong either. And when I say
"forget", I mean in the sense that the wrong will never be
brought up again to hurt, or otherwise abuse our spouse with.
forgiveness is the first step in repairing/restoring relationship
But I tell you that anyone
who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to
become an adulteress, and anyone who married the divorced woman commits
adultery. Matthew 5:32
Divorce is hurtful and
destructive and God intends for marriage
to be a lifetime commitment. (genesis 2:24). Couples should never consider
divorce an option for solving marital issue, and here's why.
Jesus said that divorce was
not permissible except for unfaithfulness, but...this does not mean, and
is not saying that a spouse should automatically get a divorce because a
spouse commits adultery!
The word translated
"unfaithfulness" means LIVING in a sexually immoral lifestyle,
not a repented act of adultery. There is a BIG difference here between a
continual lifestyle of sexual sin and a one time affair.
Those who have found their
spouse to be unfaithful should make every effort to forgive and restore
2. God does not forgive
those who do not forgive others
For if you forgive men when
they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if
you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Matthew 6: 14-15
The simple truth here is that when we don't
forgive others , we are denying our common ground as sinners in need of
God's forgiveness. We all need to be forgiven at times, and we are all
When we ask for forgiveness from God and
others, we should ask ourselves, "Have I forgiven the people who have
wronged me?" It is all about putting ourselves in their shoes. We
can't honestly expect to be forgiven when we can't seem to forgive others!
Do you need to forgive your spouse? Does
your spouse need to forgive you? Submit to one another through
forgiveness and restore the trust and respect that may have been
3. True forgiveness is
found only from having faith in Jesus Christ
True forgiveness is found only from having faith in
If you forgive anyone his sins, they
are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven. John
In the above scripture Jesus was giving the
disciples their Spirit-powered and Spirit-guided mission, which was to
teach the good new about Jesus so people's sins might be forgiven.
But the disciples did not have the power to
forgive sins, but Jesus gave them the opportunity of telling new believers
that their sins have been forgiven because they had ACCEPTED Jesus'
All believers have this same opportunity
today! We can announce the forgiveness of sins with certainty when we
ourselves have found repentance and faith in Christ.
4. forgiveness will lead
to change of heart
For those of you who have had a spouse who
committed adultery, the bible says this:
The Pharisee's brought in a
woman caught in the act of adultery. They made her stand before the group
and said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of
adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such a woman. Now what do
Jesus bent down and started
to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept questioning him, he
straightened up and said to them, "If any of you are without sin, let
him be the first to throw a stone at her."
At this, those who heard
began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was
left. with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked
her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?
"No one sir," she
"then neither do I
condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of
sin." John 8:3-11
Jesus is simply saying that he will forgive
us when we have faith enough in him to turn our life around and sin no
This is an excellent scripture! When Jesus
said that only a sinless person could throw the first stone, he was
actually highlighting several important areas in our own lives that we
need to watch out for, such as forgiving others, showing compassion, and
not to judge others who have sinned.
involves both attitude and action on our part
Do not take revenge, my
friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written" "It
is mine to avenge' I will repay, says the Lord. On the contrary: "if
your enemy is hungry, feed him' if he is thirsty, give him something to
drink. In doing this, you will be heap burning coals upon his head. Romans
By giving an enemy a drink, we are not
excusing his misdeeds, but forgiving him and loving him despite of his
sins. Jesus Christ did this for us. This is called "detaching
with love", or Jesus called it, "turning the other cheek."
Forgiveness does involve a good attitude on
our part. Many times we find it too difficult to forgive. We just don't
FEEL very forgiving towards someone who has hurt us. It is at these
times that we must try to be kind towards him or her.
Being kind to people who have hurt us tends
to ease the hurt and makes us FEEL better towards them in our heart and
Sometimes we have to do things we don't
want to. But you will discover that by doing kind things to those who have
hurt us can actually lead to our feelings changing for the good.
Up Your Marriage!
Bring out the creative person you are and splash
some good old fashion fun back into your marriage!
You can do these things right from home without breaking the pocketbook.
Turn the TV off, play some of your favorite music and do some enjoyable
things together for a change. Watch the relationship
between you and your spouse get tighter!
Play a board game instead of
watching TV (scrabble, monopoly, Clue )
Listen to some Jazz music, light some candles and talk about
Have a romantic picnic
Get on the floor together and do stretch exercises
Take turns reading a book that you both like out loud, and then
discuss what you read.
Make your own home movie or music CD
Create a personal web page together
Cook a scrumptious meal together
Buy a microphone and have your own karaoke
Give each other a twenty minute massage, and see what happens
Here are a few
things you can do, if you have time, and money in the wallet.
See a live play at the theater
Go to the beach or mountains for the weekend or longer if
Take up a hobby together, such as sailing or photography, bird
watching, scrap booking, etc.
Spend the night in a hotel. (Make sure they have a Jacuzzi)
Take up roller skating or ice skating (fun way to keep those legs
on, Donít let your marriage
If you feel like
is heading into the doldrums and you canít get out of the rut, then its
time to share more of your self with your spouse. Why wait for you to both
get bored with the relationship? Play together!
Doing even simple
things together can bring laughter and joy back into your conversations.
Sharing pleasurable times together will not only bring you closer to your
spouse, but will help you to remember who your spouse is.
because of busy schedules and different agendas, couples don't realize how
easy it is to grow apart, until one day down the road they donít know
each other anymore. Over the course of time, months or years, a growth
process takes place, and you find that the person you married is changed
because you have not grown together, but apart, and thatís not good!
So turn off that
TV, and get to know each other again through sharing of your self. Above
all, while doing these things together, remember to always share the best
part of yourself with your spouse. What is the best part of your self?
Find it, and share it.
There is no better
gift of love that you can give your spouse than your willingness to
accept them just the way they are. Acceptance is love, and by
showing open-mindedness, understanding and patience with your spouse, your
can endure through the hard-hitting times as well as the enjoyable times.
© 2005 Heaven Ministries