|
Heaven
Ministries |
|
|
Marriage Articles Why
Does Questions From A Reader My Husband Believes It is His Job To Control Me - Please Help! To Preview or Buy our Marriage Books Click here
Journey on the Roads Less Traveled
Journey on the Roads Less Traveled is a spiritual journey providing an avenue for people to change their lives through Jesus Christ in a way that is not commonly understood. The less traveled roads take the reader down a comprehensive and well-rounded foundational understanding into the biblical world of acceptance, beliefs, spirituality, feelings, marriage, children, family, forgiveness, temptation, faith, and finally prayer while applying the power of “real love” into all of the above elements. The book will challenge the reader to go a step further in their faith and beliefs by helping them to identify with all the aspects of their character, namely the spiritual element of who they are and can become. In her book, Angie Lewis offers the spiritual counsel we need to live at peace with ourselves, and have a closer relationship with God. Buy
Journey
|
Jealousy is a very powerful emotion and if left
unattended it can literally wreck havoc in our relationships and
marriage. Why do we get jealous of our spouse? Why does jealousy hurt so
badly? Jealousy hurts because we feel this emotion usually after our
spouse has harmed us in some way. But sometimes we feel jealous for no
reason whatsoever and this is very harmful to our relationships. There are several reasons why we get jealous.
Jealousy is a mixture of insecurity, anxiety, and fear. And if we allow
this emotion to take precedent in our life we will surely create
problems in our marriage and other relationships because of it. To have
these feelings can be scary. But did you know that God tells us there is
nothing to fear when we put our trust and confidence in Him. God will
take fear, jealousy and anxiety away from us. He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid?
Do you still have no faith?” (Mark 4:40) Childhood environment has a lot to do with how we
react with our spouse and other people we are involved with. This is one
reason why it’s crucial for families to stay together and adhere to
the proper roles and positions given to them designed by God. God
definitely knew what he was doing when he established marriage – there
is a purpose for each and every person in the family and when we rebel
against the design of God we can see the impact of how negative emotions
can rule the heart. For instance, if a parent abandoned us when we were
little we may carry those feelings over into our relationships with
others. The good news is it does not have to be like this.
We can overcome jealousy by learning to put our trust in Christ. When we
put our trust in Christ we will automatically trust our spouse. Where is
the jealousy? Where is the fear? Where is the anxiety? By learning to
give up being in control of our jealousy, we can finally be free of the
feelings that make us feel jealous. Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming, but who can
stand before jealousy? (Proverbs 27:4) If our spouse has sinned against the marriage in
some way and we are jealous and suspicious of them, then those feelings
are justified, but there are ways we can use our emotions in
productive ways to bring about a resolve to the marriage dilemma. When
we communicate properly about how we feel rather than remain in a
defensive mode of character, we can better figure out ways to mend the
marriage. Jealousy makes us defensive and we use it to tear down the
marriage rather than build it up. But this way is allowing our emotions
to control us. Understand that our emotions don’t have to
control us. We can be in control of how we use our emotions by realizing
the potential of what they can do. Jealousy can bring about many other
issues and cause resentment and animosity with the person we are jealous
of. This is what we don’t want. What we do want is to talk about our
feelings with our spouse and come to an amicable solution to resolving
the issue of jealousy in an appropriate manner. The best way to get over jealousy is to express
ourselves about why we feel jealous. Don’t be afraid to talk about the
way you feel and why you feel a certain way. If there is good reason to
feel mistrust or suspicious with your spouse find ways through your
communication to reestablish trust with them again.
Scripture gives us the principles we need to overcome our
emotions and move on in a good way with our spouse. Our emotions are ok
to have when we don’t let them take control over our lives. We need to pray about it and ask Christ to give us
a fresh new look at the issue in the marriage that is causing the
jealous emotions. Build the marriage back up by learning to work
together in healing and restoration of the marriage, always keeping God
in the forefront while always respecting one another in all ways. “Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. (1 John 3:18) If we feel jealous, anxious and fearful of our spouse for no apparent reason than we must put our trust and faith in God and allow Him to heal us of these emotions and live by Christ-like principles of loving rather than living our marriage through feelings of what we think love should be. This
Marriage Question: I am so torn inside. My husband believes it is his job to control me. This is a direct quote from him. He discusses my submission to him at least three times per week. He believes men are superior to women and that I am not accepting of the inferiority of women as designed by God and am just not willing to accept the authority of God in my life. Any help offered that actually would strengthen me would be appreciated. Guidance: It is not your husband's job to control you, it is his job to love you. He does that by providing, protecting, and leading the home in the ways of the Lord, that means by applying God's principles and teachings into the daily living within the marriage. God does not want a husband to demand submission or to control a woman and make her submit -- that is abusive behavior! Any woman who is treated this way, would be feeling the same way as you are now. Your husband probably does not think he is doing anything wrong. He does not see his own behavior and the more you complain and nag at him about it, the more controlling he becomes. You must find ways to work with him so he does not have to feel the need to be controlling with you.
God created man and woman
equal in his eyes. Your husband is on a pedestal and until he is told
to come down and humble himself to his wife, he will not understand
that God did not make one gender superior over the other one. What God
did do though, is made the woman to be the weaker partner in the sense
that she will need protected by her husband because she is not as
strong as he is. She will need sheltered by him because women are more
vulnerable than a man because she lacks the strength to fight off an
attacker physically and even emotionally. Today, women are taken
advantage of all the time, just because they are not knowledgeable
about the same things. For instance, women are ten times more apt to
be taken advantage of when she takes her car to the mechanic. I'm not
saying that all mechanic's are con men, but some are.
Some husbands may take their position very seriously, and the wife may take it to mean he is being controlling, but it is our job as their wives to take heed to their spiritual counsel over our lives. If we let feminists control us with their views than we're not only rebelling against God but allowing the feminist view to control us and our actions. Read and study the scriptures, pray about it and then come to your own conclusions. The bottom line is if a husband is putting God first in his own life and adhering to the teachings and principles of Christ than he is loving his wife appropriately.
Husbands, in the same way
be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with
respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious
gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. (1 Peter 3:7
NIV)
What does the above
scripture mean? This scripture does not mean "weaker
partner" in the sense of moral or intellectual ability, but in
physical ability. What is Peter trying to teach to husbands? I think
Peter is telling husbands to honor and respect their wives by
protecting them against outside influences and criminal abuses. If a
husband is a man of God he will protect his wife from harm. When a
woman is NOT under
the covering of her husband or parents she will be more vulnerable to
the criminal and sexual abuses of society or from the temptations of
other men making advances on her. This does not make a woman inferior
to the man but more vulnerable to outside influences because she is
not as strong and forceful as a man. Woman are created more sensitive
emotionally and delicate physically. God created women in this way so
she would make a good helpmate to strong and powerful Adam.
God made man and woman as equals in every way according to scripture. Women were made equal with man since the beginning when God created us. God made both male and female in his image! Neither man nor woman is made to be more or better in the image of God than the other. And neither sex is exalted and neither sex is depreciated. God values both sexes as the same! "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them". (Genesis 1:27 NIV)
Question:
I am feeling to the point of mental breakdown. Where do
forgiveness and losing resentment play a part in this? Even
when I do this, the situation and accusations at home do not change.
Even when I try to be all sweet and nice, trusting that God is at
work, etc. being calm, etc. talking rationally and softly, the
submission talk goes on and on and I am left very confused and
wondering how Christian life all turned out this way. I cannot
believe that Christianity and honoring God in marriage is supposed
to look like my husband says it is.
Guidance: Marriage based on Christ's principles and teachings creates a loving, respectful, and honorable marriage. Both husband and wife have their roles and responsibilities in the marriage. Your husbands position as head of the marriage is to protect, provide, and care for his wife as if it were his own body. That is what scripture teaches. He is not to be controlling, manipulative and self-righteous. "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her, to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain, or wrinkle, or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself". (Ephesians 5:25-28 NIV)
Scripture teaches husbands to love their wives "just as Christ loved the church!" Is Jesus demanding and controlling with the body of believers? No, instead, Jesus gave himself up for the church (the body of believers). Jesus gave his own life up for our life! That is how a husband is to love his wife. Husbands ought to be using the scripture to make their wives holy through the word of God - This is what spiritual headship is!
Husbandly
protection is a husband sacrificing his life for his wife's life if
need be. It is making his wife's well being of prime importance by
protecting and caring for her as he would his own body. Christ's
death sanctified and cleansed the Church and when believers do the
will of Christ it is God's Word that cleanses us. When a husband
loves his wife the way Christ loved the Church, he cleanses her and
makes her holy and blameless. "Cleansing her by the washing with water through the word". Ephesians 5:25
I hope you enjoyed the Heaven Ministries Newsletter! Take care and God Bless! As always, your Comments and questions are welcome. Copyright
© 2008 Heaven Ministries To unsubscribe from the Heaven Ministries Newsletter click here. |
