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you’re unhappy in your marriage but don’t believe in divorce, lets do
something about it! I can tell you what four steps that are needed to get
you back on track for your marriage, but you have to put in the effort,
sound fair enough?
Wallowing In Your Misery
Stop wallowing in your misery about how unhappy you feel, instead do something about your circumstances that will still protect the sanctity of your marriage. If you sit around thinking about how bad your marriage is and how much better your next-door neighbors marriage is, you will unknowingly keep yourself from having the right attitude. What your think will be generated through your actions. Usually those people who believe the grass is greener across the fence end up testing out the turf for themselves. Let me tell you a big secret. It is not true. No grass is really greener, it is a total mirage!
looking At Spouses Faults
some of us do this – continually seek out the bad in our spouse rather
than the good? I think we do it because we are so miserable that we remain
in a negative frame of mind. The more we blame our spouse or the more we
seek out wanting to fault them for the disarray of the marriage, the worse
we will feel inside. This kind of attitude keeps us
from seeing the positive aspects of our circumstances and we will not want
to work on repairing the broken ends of the marriage. We do it to
ourselves, folks. We talk ourselves out of staying married! Let’s not
let your marriage become another divorce statistic. Take your focus off
your spouse and put the spotlight on yourself.
For The Need To Control
people want to control their spouse or change them to meet certain
standards so they can feel better about themselves. The truth is you
cannot change your spouse to be that perfect person for you. Let go of
trying to alter things that you are powerless to change. If you can truly
release the burden of knowing you are powerless to change your spouse, a
heavy burden will be instantly lifted from your shoulders. It really will!
Try it! Let “it” go.
is a simple example of the kind of control you need to let go of. So your
spouse is an alcoholic and you are trying to control him or her to stop
drinking. How do you do that? How CAN you do that? Alcoholism is an
addiction and cannot be controlled by anyone other than the alcoholic. You
cannot make an alcoholic stop drinking by shouting, nagging, demanding,
blaming, accusing, crying, controlling, or any other means. The alcoholic
has to WANT to change himself, period. Why consume yourself into the
addiction with the alcoholic. Let “it” go!
about this. Even if you could control your spouse and they change for you,
they will undeniably be a very miserable person for not actually changing
for themselves, won’t they? Is that what you really want? To be married
to an unhappy and bitter person?
Take Care Of
next step after you let “it” go is to take care of you! What can you
do to make yourself happy? Is there anything you can change about yourself
to make you feel better about the person you are? Read any good
inspirational and thought provoking books lately, or are you too busy
focusing on your spouse and how terrible they are? Do you see where I’m
going with this? Move out and away from what is making you feel
discontented and do something about it.
only responsible for what you do in the marriage. Your spouse is not
responsible for your actions in the marriage, just as you are not
responsible for their actions. If you could learn to just take care of YOU
and your part in the marriage, your spouse will finally get some needed
space and breathing room to see that maybe they are erring and hopefully
change for themselves.
that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of
When you get married you become connected with another person in such a way that everything you do, constructive or destructive affects the other person, and everything they do, good or bad affects you. So then knowing this, we should know that when we abuse the marriage in any way it would affect the both of you. What is God’s purpose for you as a married person? I believe He wants His children to encourage and support one another through the difficult times as well as the good.
What does that mean? Well, it means to cooperate with each other and be considerate of each other during times of tribulation and hardship. When was the last time you considered your wife’s feelings? When was the last time you compromised with your husband rather than getting your own way? Every time we “give of ourselves” to each other we are living out our purpose for marriage.
Giving of ourselves is putting in the extra bit of effort that marriage needs. We should never push our spouse away from feeling secure and loved in the marriage, we should instead bring them closer to our heart by supporting them in their difficulties or wherever they need encouragement.
If you came home from work all anxiety ridden because you got fired, wouldn’t you want your significant other to be supportive and loving with you? Of course you would, so we should put in that extra needed encouragement and support wherever and whenever we are needed.
An iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. (Proverbs 27:17 NIV)
Working together as a team by serving one another would be a couple’s complete purpose for marriage. What are the wife’s gifts and abilities? Let her facilitate her husband, as it should be. What are the husband’s gifts and abilities? Let him help his wife, as it should be.
Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms. (1 Peter 4:10 NIV)
If husband and wife do not work together, but rather go their own ways to only gratify and please the self, it causes discord and animosity between them, which can be difficult to rectify. There is no room for selfish ambition or self-seeking ways in marriage. Couples need each other in encouraging and loving ways, not in hostile and self-seeking ways – that is what destroys trust and intimacy in marriage.
As Christ’s followers we are asked to be one in spirit and in purpose. But if husband is going his way, and wife is going her way, the spirit becomes divided and there would be no purpose. Are we following Christ or something else?
…Then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. (Philippians 2:2-4 NIV)
Many of us commit
ourselves to a new years resolution to stop a bad habit, lose weight, stop
smoking, drinking, etc; The list of new years resolution are wide-ranging
depending on what a person feels they need to work on or change.
This article will discuss the difference between a resolution and a
transformation. Once you understand the diversity of the two you may
change your mind and strive to be transformed instead.
Whatever it is that you
wish to change and improve on can be seen as a transformation or renewing
of the mind through Jesus Christ. I do know that we must know what our
faults and weak areas are so we can change or improve on them. Some
of us also need to come out of our denial before we can stop something we
know is not right in the eyes of God.
Remember what Jesus
taught us. "No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain on the
vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. "I am the
vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will
bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." (John
If we need to many of us
probably could lose weight, quit smoking, and drinking without the help of
God, but will I remain fruitful and bear fruit without being attached to
the vine, the source of who I am? I think not. Many ex smokers go
back to smoking, many alcoholic's can't stay sober, why is that? They are
told to believe in a higher power but believing and doing are two
It took me many years to
understand what or who my higher power was. Oh, I knew it was God all
right, but I had more faith in what I could do for myself than what God
could do for me. My own faith did not get me very far. We must have faith
that God WILL keep us from our weakness and that faith must be acted on
every single day; that is what transformation and renewing of our mind is.
We cannot transform without God.
Transformation is not
just about stopping the weakness but it is living away from it on a daily
basis through the food given to us from the Vine. If we have been cut off
from the Vine we are not given the food to sustain ourselves and keep us
from our weakness. And that is why many addicts start using again; their
food is drugs and or alcohol. And that is why selfish people remain
selfish; their food is feeling good at all times. And that is why many
people feel disconnected from life because they literally are disconnected
Anyone can make a new
years resolution; people do it all the time and some do succeed. There is
nothing wrong with having resolutions and we should strive to always
improve ourselves, but resolutions come and go and are usually self-ego
induced and done under ones own will power. I see a problem with that kind
of thinking and here's why. We can willfully set it in our heart and mind
to lose weight or quit smoking but without the Spirit of Christ
intervening it will continually be an uphill battle.
A transformation is
something we continually work on for life and cannot be met without God
being the center of it. We must remain on the Vine! The Vine Continually
feeds us so we are not on an uphill battle with sin. We must stay
connected to the Vine!
You were taught, with
regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is
I believe that those
people who are living their lives in Christ are continually producing
fruits and transforming their lives. Being a child of God is a
never-ending journey because we are attached to Him and He is the One who
sustains us and transforms our lives so we continue to bear fruit for God,
for ourselves, and for others.
My Father is the
gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that does not bear fruit, while
every branch that does bear fruit, he prunes, so that it will be even more
I see love in God’s
words of life. Let me show you what I see. God, the Creator of all
humanity loved us the minute He created us in the Garden of Eden, and He
has never stopped loving us. God brought us the formula of how to love
through His Son Jesus Christ. It is by accepting love and loving others
that we are saved. We do not love others first. We have to accept love
before we can truly love another.
“I have made you known
to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you
have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them.”(John 17:26
Once we accept Jesus
Christ into our lives we are given the power to love others the way He has
loved us. If we are Christ followers then we are called to love others and
to do the work that God has sent us to do. True Christians are to be the
light of the world and to love one another. (Matthew 5:
L = Love
Before we can love others
in the right ways we must first love God with all of our heart and mind.
There is no other way to love genuinely except through the source of where
we came from. I am referring to God’s children. The
children of God all have the resources available to them for loving others
in the way Jesus Christ has loved them.
“Dear friends, let us
love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been
born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God because
God is love. (1 John 4:7-8 NIV)
O = Omnipotent
There is only one
omnipotent BEING of the world. God’s invincibility has the power to
change your life. Because God is love and we are His children, then we too
can become love if we work off of the love God has freely given us. Accept
the truth for your life and watch your life transform.
Therefore, as God’s
chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion,
kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and
forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as
the Lord forgave you. (Colossians 3:12-13 NIV)
V = Vine
Jesus Christ is the Vine.
It is only through the Vine that we are saved. The Vine is our life-giving
power. We must go through the life-giving power to make it into Heavenly
Paradise. Those who claim to be believers of Jesus Christ are the branches
on the Vine. God is the Gardener who takes care of the branches to make
them fruitful. The true followers of Christ produce much fruit for the
Kingdom on earth now. Branches that do not produce fruit are cut from the
“I am the vine, and my
Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no
fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will
be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have
spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear
fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit
unless you remain in me. (John 15:1-4 NIV)
How will you know if you
are producing fruit or not? Are you loving others the way Jesus Christ has
loved you? Have you brought joy and happiness into other’s lives? If you
are loving others the way you are commanded to love them, you are being
fruitful. See also (2 Peter 1:5-8) for additional qualities of a
“I am the vine; you are
my branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit;
apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not remain in me, he is
like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked
up, thrown into the fire and burned.” (John 15:5,6
E = Eternal Life
God paid dearly with the
life of His Son. Jesus accepted our punishment and paid the price for our
sins. If we truly believe in Christ as our Savior then we have been
offered a new life that Jesus bought for us! Eternal life in Heaven has no
sickness, sin, death enemies, or evil. To receive this new life all we
have to do is believe in what God says. We need to have faith to trust
that what God says is true. When we believe with all of our heart and mind
we will be given the faith to believe in Jesus Christ as our Savior. But
why wait to receive the blessings? The Spiritual Kingdom of Heaven is
within you for all who believe!
“For God so loved the
world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him
shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into
the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.
(John 3:16,17 NIV)
Love + Omnipotent + Vine + Eternal Life = L.O.V.E
I hope you enjoyed the Heaven Ministries Newsletter!
May God Bless all of you and keep you safe.
As always, your Comments and questions are welcome.
© 2008 Heaven Ministries
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