Marriage
Articles
Choosing
To Work On
Your Marriage
Making
Your House a Home
Other Articles
Owe
No Man Anything
Giving
Spiritual Gifts This Holiday Season
Inside our Newest Book
Sneak
Peek of our newest book! Soon to be released.
See All 26 Chapter Titles
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Choosing
To Work On Your Marriage
Choosing to work on
marriage takes willingness by both spouses. You either want to work on the
marriage, or you don’t, it is really that simple. Sometimes you might
talk yourself out of staying married and look for reasons “why” you
should not work on the marriage. You know when you’re talking yourself
out of working on your marriage when you go to friends and family who you
know may be biased toward you, and against your spouse.
You tell them how you
have been wronged by your spouse and how all the problems shadowing the
marriage is their fault. Your friends might tell you that maybe your
spouse is no good and to leave them. The more you listen to them the more
your mind gives you justification for not working on the marriage. This is
how many couples deceive themselves into divorce. Going to family and
friends are the worse people to go to when having marital
difficulties. It may very well end your marriage for good!
I’m here to tell you,
a marriage gone wrong is never just the fault of one spouse. Now,
it is true, some people are a lot harder to get along with than others,
and therefore, one spouse may be hurting the marriage more just by
stubbornness and selfishness. But it always takes two to get married and
two to end the marriage. By going around seeking reasons for not working
on the marriage you will find it because you have already set it in
your mind to not save the marriage.
But in a marriage gone
bad there almost is never a good guy. It is realizing that we can be good
a good guy, and that we have value in life for others, and ourselves that
will make us want to choose to restore the marriage. Restoring
marriage is about being willing to say, “Hey, I was wrong, lets try and
work this problem out and save the marriage”. All it
really takes is someone to make the first move, and say, “Let’s do
it”! “Proud in our ways” keeps us from being
humbling ourselves to one another.
Wherefore receive ye one
another, as Christ also received to the glory of God. (Romans 15:7 KJV)
All marriage issues can
be dealt with in a positive light when both spouses put in the willingness
to do so. It’s called “giving in”, “listening”, and then being
understanding of each other on particular issues and, or feelings each
spouse cares about. It doesn’t matter what the
problems are in marriage, whether they are about infidelity, lack of
communication, addiction, or just plain selfishness, couples can come out
from these troubles and learn to be givers rather than takers.
The biggest determent I
see in many marriages is not what you think it would be. It is the
unwillingness to change ourselves. You see, couples focus so much of their
time and energy on what the other is doing or not doing that they don’t
notice what they themselves might be doing to make things better.
Let’s get real here.
We all need some kind of inner healing first so we can be a better
marriage partner. You cannot heal your spouse; you can only be a part of
their healing. In the same way, your spouse cannot heal you; they can only
be a part of your healing process. Therefore, it is our responsibility to
work on what we can about ourselves rather than focus on changing our
spouse or placing blame on them.
Wouldn’t you agree?
This is how you choose to work on your marriage by choosing to work on
yourself and doing what you can to make the marriage better.
And above all things
have fervent charity among yourselves for charity shall cover the
multitude of sins. Use hospitality one to the other without grudging.
(1 Peter 4:8,9 KJV)
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Making
Your House A Home
Maybe you have heard the
saying “A building is a place where people live, but a home is where a
person can rest and be safe; a place of refuge”. Is your house a place
of refuge where you can be at peace and feel safe, or is your house just a
place where you hang your hat every night?
I personally know that a
house cannot be a home with an unhappy woman managing it. The woman is
usually the heart of the home front, and if she feels confined or does not
have hobbies, or ministry to occupy her time, and balance out her day, she
may feel unfulfilled as a wife and woman. A woman
should be all that she can be for herself, God and family. She can be
content and fulfilled when she balances out her days with activities and
hobbies that she enjoys.
A mom lovers her
children more than life itself, but that does not mean she must play with
them twenty-four hours a day! A man loves to eat and get his share of good
food, but that does not mean his wife must spend most of her day in the
kitchen cooking for her husband either. There is much more to being “a
stay at home mom” than meets the eye.
I’ve talked to several
women who work a full time job who would love to quit their jobs and be a
full time stay at home mom. And I think that is just wonderful, but I
always suggest they diversify their time at home with interests, hobbies,
and or, a ministry that they enjoy embarking on along with the
responsibilities of being “a stay at home mom”.
In my earlier years of
marriage and family I would spend most of my days wiping snotty noses,
cooking, and scrubbing floors and toilets in my home, but I soon learned
that I was not happy doing just those things. I wanted to do something
else; something a bit more fulfilling, but at the time I was not sure what
that “something” was.
I felt unfulfilled;
something was missing. Some days I just was not that happy even though I
had so much to be blessed for. I didn’t have any hobbies or outside
interests. Watching soap opera’s was about as close as I came to outside
interests. After awhile of not doing something that “I” enjoyed doing,
I started to take my discontent out on my husband and children, and that
was not good for my marriage. Fortunately, I discovered how much I loved
reading and gardening, and of course, my most beloved activity, writing
and encouraging others in their marriage.
My children are
teenagers now, so I am not wiping running noses anymore, but I still need
to cook for my family and clean my home. The difference now is, I balance
out those responsibilities with gardening, crafts, and writing for my
ministry and other ministries. And that is the
"something" that I was looking for.
A woman, wife, and
mother is not being all that she can be for her family when she is only
tending to babies, cooking, and cleaning. She must do other things that
she enjoys to balance out her life, and of course that would not take away
from her responsibilities at home. We need to ask God what else He would
like for us to do with our time, energies, and talents.
Don’t believe the
negativity you sometimes hear about being a homemaker. If a woman is
discontented with being “a stay at home mom” it is because she has not
discovered her talents and gifts yet. God has gifted each and every one of
us with His purpose. Find yours and start using it! Because, ladies, there
is more to being “a stay at home mom” than cooking, cleaning, grocery
shopping, and wiping running noses.
Find out what your "more" is and do it!
…The heart of her
husband doth safely trust in her; so that he shall have no need of spoil.
She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. (Proverbs 31:
11, 12 KJV) She consideredth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her
hands she planteth a vineyard. (Proverbs 31:16 KJV) Favour is deceitful,
and beauty is vain, but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be
praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise
her in the gates. (Prverbs 31:30,31 KJV)
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___________
Owe
No Man Anything
Have you
ever felt stressful or anxious over your financial situation? Maybe you
are way over your head and can’t get out of debt? Maybe your family
business went out of business. Maybe you were laid off from your job. Many
things unexpected can happen to our financial situation and make us feel
apprehensive about our future.
The first thing we need to do is take a deep breath, relax and pray about
it, asking God to give us peace and comfort during our financial trial. It
is certain that God hears our prayer, but sometimes the way we pray can be
a hindrance. If we pray in vain asking God to miraculously somehow send us
the money, that kind of praying will never get answered the way we expect.
God is not a Magician. He is our comforter and our assurance that one-day
we will be with Him. If we have faith and ask for solace, He will give us
the peace we need, but we will still have money difficulties. We should
not ask God to rescue us from our debts but to help us from going into
debt in the first place by giving us the knowledge we need to think
outside the box of society for our needs.
Are we investing in a shaky economy or taking unneeded risks because we
want more things? Is that where we are putting our faith? Are we sending
our wife off to work and the children to day care because we want more
stuff? Are we really confident that that is what’s best for our family?
Lay
not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth
corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: But lay up for
yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt,
and where thieves do not break through nor steal; For where your treasure
is, there will be your heart also. (Matthew 6:19-21 KJV)
The believer must seek to avoid debt as much as possible. In this world
there is only one certainty and that is God and His truths. So when we
feel uncertain and ridden with anxiety about our financial situation we
can take confidence that our life, no matter how much or how little money
we have, is on solid ground. That’s what matters.
Owe no man any thing, but to love one another: for he that loveth another
hath fulfilled the law. (Romans 13:8 KJV)
God does not want believer’s to put their confidence in things that can
be destroyed, instead as Christ Ones we are to build our life on Christ
and His unshakable Kingdom because that is our only certainly in an
uncertain world. Knowing this then where would you most want to put your
faith and trust?
“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give
you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly
in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. for my yoke is easy, and
my burden is light. (Matthew 11:28-30 KJV)
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Sneak
Peek Inside Our New Book
Introduction
I wrote this book in the attempt to
bring to light some of the misleading information about divorce
and the persuasion of infidelity regarding Christians today.
First of all let me say this, I don’t condone adultery.
And just because it is forgivable by God, if a spouse
repents and turns from their sin, it still does not make it
justifiable in any way shape or form. Infidelity always hurts
someone and causes much unneeded animosity between couples. It’s
always best to be healthy minded spiritually and mentally so you
won’t be tempted by lustful desires in the first place.
But unfortunately many Christians today are not keeping as
spiritually fit as they should and that is another reason why I
wrote this book.
Statistics are now showing
that divorce is practiced among the Christian community at a
faster rate than the general population – why is that? I have
some observations about that and I will reveal those insights in
this book. I don’t like to set in stone what statistics are
saying until I get a second and sometimes third opinion, but I do
know this, there are many Christian couples that I know personally
through my online marriage ministry who are contemplating divorce,
have divorced, or are going through a divorce. I always try and
talk them out of it because it is sort of like leaping before you
look. Divorce is almost always a hardened heart that has not had
time to “look before they leaped”.
Divorce becomes inevitable because,
usually, at some point in the marriage, couples grow apart and
then issues come butting their little horns in the marriage, and
honestly, without the proper foundation to base those issues on,
divorce becomes paramount. Stuff piles up on
more stuff, and pretty soon divorce “seems” like the only way
out of a hard place.
This book will be quite a
learning experience for both spouses as they choose to work at the
issues in their marriage with a newfound wisdom that only God can
give them.
If you don’t think you
need any insight outside of yourself, then I believe this book may
not be for you. But if you are repentant of being unfaithful in
your marriage, and want to heal yourself and restore your
marriage, you will love this book. And if you are a wife or
husband of an unfaithful spouse you will love this book.
26
Chapters
|
1.
Casting The First Stone
2.
The Pitfalls of Emotional Adultery
3.
Adultery is Not a Loophole For Divorce
4. Why
Affairs Don’t Work
5.
Make Marriage Your Responsibility
6.
When A Spouse Repeatedly Commits
Adultery
7.
Thou Shall Not Commit Adultery
8.
The Cheating Heart Syndrome
9.
The World and Sexual Lusts
10.
Marriage Restoration vs. Divorce
11.
Stop Divorce In It’s Tracks
12.
Reconcile Differences
13.
Did I Marry The Wrong Person?
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14.
How Do I Forgive My Spouse After
Adultery
15.
How Do I Trust My Spouse After Adultery
16
Rebuilding Trust
17
21 Ways To A Successful Marriage
18
Choosing To Work on Your Marriage
19
Is A Passionate Kiss Considered Adultery?
20
Repair Your Marriage With Your Attitude
21
Rev Up Your Sex Life
22.
What Makes a Successful
Marriage?
23.
Bring Intimacy and Sex Back Into Your
Marriage
24.
Ignite The Fires of Intimacy
25.
Rededicate Your Life To Your Spouse
26. 31 Romantic Ideas
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Chapter
1
Casting The
First Stone
Can you cast the first stone with a clear conscience? Jesus has
left us with some pretty straightforward moral lessons of
forgiveness, love, compassion, and hope. What
is the Christian to do with these tools? Should he not use them to
his advantage in every day living? Being a Christ One should make
a person want to apply these tools into their everyday life –
that is what they are for. Forgiveness was given to the Christian
so he or she could be free to love completely, because if we
don’t forgive how can we love? Compassion is putting ourselves
in the other person’s shoes instead of condemning and judging
them. And hope is utilizing the tools and gifts for the purposes
intended so we may have everlasting life with God.
If a Christian is not utilizing the tools that God has
blessed him with then what tools is he using to live his life by?
That is the question we must ask ourselves.
Yes, our initial reaction of an
unfaithful spouse is casting stones at him or her, and there is
nothing wrong with that if you are casting those stones to
purposely MISS hitting your spouse with. Anger is an emotion and
it can be used in productive ways for the marriage, and so rather
than suppressing that emotion, use it to communicate productively
with. Cast your stones, but don’t actually hit your spouse with
any of them. In other words we are all grownup Christians here, I
think, and grownup Christians can learn to communicate their
feelings in productive and positive ways.
I cannot believe how often
people put limitations on themselves by blaming their feelings,
attitude, and life in general on others. You do not have to do
that because Christ has left you the Christian tools to apply in
every single circumstance known to man. If you aren’t sure what
tools to use for a certain circumstance in your life, look it up
in your study bible and do what is right.
If you are the spouse who
committed adultery, don’t blame your spouse for your
indiscretions that is totally unfair. First look within yourself,
and figure out why, as a child of God, you could not handle the
temptations of the world around you. As
Christian’s, remember, we are not a part of the world; we’re
just passing through. Have you separated yourself from the
pitfalls of society in general? That is another question that must
be asked. Who are you? What do you believe in for your life? Maybe
you are not a part of God’s family after all. Only you and God
will know for sure.
As a Christian, you
certainly do not want to deal with major issues, such as
infidelity with your own understanding because that is not what
God wants His children to do. Our own understanding is almost
always flawed, and is not the kind of perception that the
Christian is to apply into his life; it is unwise to take matters
into our own hands; it causes confusion and animosity between
spouses that later they will surely regret. It is so unwise to act
self-righteous and judgmental in our relationships because we end
up behaving in ways that are not appropriate as servants of
Christ. So the first lesson here is to be compassionate and
forgiving by putting yourself in the other person shoes, so you
can deal with the situation with the better understanding and
wisdom that God has given you. The scripture that comes to mind
here is the one about taking the log out of your own eye first so
you may see clear enough to take the sliver out of your spouses
eye.
The unfaithful spouse may need some
stones thrown at them, and I can certainly understand why you
would want to cast them, it is a very normal reaction to have
destructive feelings toward them because you are hurting. But here
again, try to use the tools that God has given you to the best of
your Christian ability. Okay, so your spouse was weak and they
sinned against God and the sanctity of your marriage, and now what
are you doing? Are you harboring angry resentment and not
forgiving? Is that a sign of Christian weakness or just plain
stubbornness?
Did you
know the more you hang on to the pain and hurt, and the more you
cast stones at your spouse, the harder it will be for you to
forgive? The reason for this is because you are telling yourself
lies about your spouse and marriage, and those lies keep you in a
destructive attitude that will make you do just the opposite of
what you are supposed to do according to Christ.
The best option for the
Christ One is to apply what tools they have been given for each
appropriate circumstance that comes up in their marriage. You do
this by realizing the importance of your marriage and
understanding the purpose for you in the marriage. Marriage is
never easy, but we don’t have to make it so difficult either. As
believers we do things on a different level – a different
perspective. That level is always superior to
what the masses do because it is of Jesus Christ. Divorce is not
an option for a Godly-minded person. Let’s not be like the herd
who revel and delight in divorce. Divorce is rebellious and
harmful to everyone involved.
2008
UPDATE: Book is available at any online bookstore. Or order it
from Lulu.com. Available as a hard copy or e-book. Get your copy
today!
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Giving Spiritual Gifts This
Holiday Season
How can we
give someone spiritual gifts during this holiday season? Can we wrap HOPE
up in a box and put a big ribbon around it? No, we can’t. But we can BE
hope by sharing our testimony with someone who has ears to hear. That
would be one of the best gifts we could give anyone. Who could not use the
message of hope?
Be
of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that HOPE in
the Lord. (Psalm 31:24 KJV)
Can we wrap WISDOM up in a box and put a big ribbon around it? No, we
can’t. But we can SHOW wisdom by living our life as an example of
someone who has built his or her house on the rock. There is no better
gift we can give others than the gift of wisdom.
How
much better it it to get WISDOM than gold! (Proverbs 16:16 KJV)
How can we gift-wrap MERCY? We can forgive someone who needs our
forgiveness by showing mercy and giving them the gift of compassion. We
teach compassion and kindness by doing compassionate things. How great
forgiveness becomes when we have unburdened someone’s heart through our
compassion for him or her.
Which
now of these three thinkest thou, was neighbour unto him that fell among
the thieves? And he said, He that shewed MERCY in him. Then said Jesus
unto him, Go, and do thou likewise. (Luke 10:36,37 KJV)
PATIENCE can never be gift wrapped because it would shut it up in the
dark. But we can show patience with someone who is having a stressful day
behind the check out counter or we can be patient with our own family by
listening to what they have to say without interrupting like we always do.
Patience truly is a virtue.
The
servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have
PATIENCE with me, and I will pay thee all. Then the lord of that servant
was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt.
(Matthew 18:26,27 KJV)
Can we just hand over TRUST in a pretty red box with a green ribbon around
it? No, we must first ask God to help us to trust again so we can give the
gift of trust to someone we love. We cannot give the gift of trust until
we accept the gift of Christ within our heart. Blessed is the one who
already trusts in God, for they can freely give trust away to another.
It
is better to put your TRUST in the LORD than to put confidence in man. It
is better to TRUST in the LORD than to put confidence in princes. (Psalm
118: 8,9 KJV)
Last Christmas many husbands and wives looked for LOVE under the tree but
all they got was a tie and a blender or a shaver and a necklace. Love does
not come in pretty shiny packages because it is something that needs to be
acted upon by the giver. How many ways can we show love? We can show love
in a hundred and one ways – find your ways and give love away today.
Better
is a dinner of herbs where LOVE is, than a stalled ox and hatred
therewith. (Proverbs 16:17 KJV)
Too many people are living in a state of depression and loneliness. What
better present can we give then the gift of JOY? In what ways can you gift
wrap joy and bring happiness to the sad, and encouragement to the
discouraged, and courage to the fearful and, rest to the anxious. God says
He will fill our mouth with laughter and our lips with shouts of Joy!
In
his neck remaineth strength, and sorrow is turned into JOY before him.
(Job 41:22 KJV)
How does
one show THANKFULNESS? We do not find thankfulness under the Christmas
tree; on the contrary it does not come in a big or small package because
thankfulness is shown through our life in Christ. It is shown in how we
treat others and how we treat ourselves.
We should all stop and be thankful for the many things we take for
granted, such as the man or woman we married, and know how blessed we are
to have that person to share the rest of our life with. Being appreciative
of him or her at all times throughout the marriage, and not just when
everything is going smoothly.
Being thankful for the beautiful children God has given us, so that we may
teach them His merciful ways of giving and loving without expecting
anything at all in return. Our children belong to God - we are only
caretakers of them until they are old enough to take care of themselves.
We have so many things to be thankful for that we take for granted, but
this article is getting too long as it is. So I must end it with the
biggest blessing we have been given, and that is forgiveness through Jesus
Christ our Lord and Savior. Without this magnificent blessing we would not
understand what any of these precious gifts I have mentioned so far can
really do for our lives, but as it is, we know that through Him we may
some day be with God in Heavenly Paradise.
For though I be absent in the flesh, yet am I with
you in the spirit, joying and beholding your order; and the steadfastness
of your faith in Christ. As ye have therefore received Christ Jesus the
Lord, so walk ye in him: Rooted and built up in him, and established in
the faith, as ye have been tught, abounding therein with THANKSGIVING.
(Colossians 2: 5-7 KJV)
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I
hope you enjoyed the Heaven
Ministries Newsletter!
May
God Bless all of you and keep you safe.
As
always, your Comments and
questions are welcome.
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© 2007 Heaven Ministries
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