Question From A Reader
Betrothal is different than worldly engagement; there is NO SEX during the betrothal period, and the betrothal cannot be broken off like an engagement. Betrothal is a promise between God and the couples just like marriage is. The betrothal period unlike the dating period is a sound biblically based relationship without the trappings of sex.
Betrothal leads to a healthy marriage. It teaches, through the courtship period, how to respect, honor, love and commit oneself to another. The betrothal period teaches young people about the principled acts of love, which is so very important in marriage.
The dating process on the other hand, teaches about having sex and the need to feel a certain way in a relationship. When someone says they are dating someone, they most likely mean, they are having sex with them. That’s what dating is.
The dating process goes something like this: when you are dating someone and you do not feel in love or ecstatic with jubilation about the person you are with anymore, then you can just dump them and jump into the next relationship that feels good to you. Dating teaches us "how not to commit" and "the need to always feel good" in a relationship. This habit of dating and sexual cohabitation is meaningless and worthless. It does not teach about the principles of love nor teach how to respect and honor someone.
Have you ever stole love from your spouse? Stealing love is easy and we have all done it, but it is wrong. If you think the way to love is through any form of manipulations, abuse, exploitation, or through selfishness then you are stealing love from your spouse. Dating teaches how to be selfish.
Unfortunately, most people jump into marriage under the wrong guise of love because "dating" conditioned them to believe wrongly about what love really is. If you believe that love is only about getting something from the other or needing to feel a certain way then you have been mislead.
But now let’s suppose you don't go through the dating process before you get married and that your marriage is prearranged for you, meaning your parents choose the man you are going to marry and you have no say so in the matter. You don’t feel love for the man you are about to marry, but your dad says you have to marry him.
In the bible days this was the norm for women of marital age. Many times, if she were still too young to marry, say fourteen-years old, she was betrothed (engaged) to the man she was to marry until marital age, which was about sixteen. This is what Mary and Joseph did. They were betrothed for several years before they actually got married.
So did Mary love Joseph? It didn’t matter if she felt love for Joseph or not because back then they didn’t go by feelings to choose a suitable partner. Mary respected and honored Joseph, which is principled acts of love right there! What was she supposed to feel?
In the bible days, women married the man their father chose for them to marry and together they learned to love and respect each other by applying the principled acts of love. Back then, most Godly women needed and wanted protected, loved and provided for and a Godly man of good character was chosen for that very purpose. Did Joseph love Mary? If he protected, provided, and cared for Mary, which he did, then he was loving her.
Today many young women don't feel they need protected and provided for, and are instead giving themselves away in sex with multiple partners, not ever learning about how to properly respect and honor a man the way he should be respected and honored. She has been disrespected, exploited and abused so many times herself because of the dating process, that to respect or love a man in the proper ways is absolutely unspeakable to her.
Today young men are giving themselves away in sex with multiple partners never learning how to properly love, respect, provide, and protect a woman. He has been exploited, abused and disrespected so many times himself through the dating process that he is afraid to trust or love a woman in the right ways, it scares him. And women wonder why men are afraid to commit themselves in marriage!?
In my opinion the dating process is a sham, full of lies, deceit, lustfulness, and degradation of self worth and value in yourself and others. Why in the world do you have to sex to get to know someone? It is senseless and without a doubt, causing much of the unneeded problems associated with bad marriages today! That’s my opinion.
What constitutes intimacy in a relationship? Is it having great sex once a day? Is it being romantically involved? It could be those things, but intimacy is sharing yourself with the one you love because you trust them and you appreciate them. Sex alone is not what makes intimacy. Romance alone is not what makes intimacy. But if you put romance, sex, respect, honesty, communication, and appreciate into the equation and you balance those areas out in the marriage that could very well constitute intimacy in marriage.
To feel close to the person you married, you first have to trust them. That includes knowing that they are there for you if you need them. An intimate relationship is a supportive one. When you appreciate, and encourage the person you love on a consistent basis you are forming an intimate bond. Rejecting your spouse in any way is pulling away at those trust levels that marriage so much needs. Couples need and want to feel secure and emotionally involved with their partner.
It is quite ironic that couples
feel closer and more loving towards each other the more they give of
themselves in the marriage. Intimacy is not something that just happens,
it is made. It takes two to become intimate, and it takes two to bring and
maintain intimacy in the marriage. If only one is working towards being
close and the other is pulling away from getting close, then intimacy will
In marriage or in any relationship
for that matter, if you want to be intimate and share a close bond with
the person you love, then the effort most definitely has to be put into
it. Intimacy is communicating on a deeper level than just talking about
the weather and “what’s for dinner”? Many couples take this area of
the relationship for granted. They do not realize that their marriage
actually thrives on intimacy.
Not sharing closeness with the one
you are married to is one of the underlying reasons for infidelity in
marriage, not just physically, but emotionally as well. And
this brings me to communication in marriage. Emotional infidelity is
becoming the new fad. It starts out innocent enough, but having an
emotional involvement with someone other than your spouse is dangerous to
the marriage. Couples do not need to go looking for someone who
understands and appreciates them. All they really need to do is to be open
and honest in their conversation with the person they married.
Communicating on an open and
honest level is a part of intimacy process. So it is very important to
learn proper communication skills on that level. Productive communication
brings something into the relationship to help couples to know and
understand each other. From the communication below, ask yourself what you
could learn from each other.
“I like it when you touch me
there?” “I feel it easier to tell you my true feelings when you
don’t discount my feelings” “When you reject me,
I don’t feel very close with you.” “I felt hurt
last night when you made fun of me in front of our guests.” “Please do
not make jokes about me in front of our friends.” “I would like it if
you would try and come home earlier at night, but if your job keeps you
working late so you can take care of us, I understand.” “I would like
it if you would not wear that skimpy shirt anymore. I want you all to
myself, and I don’t think it is a good idea having other men stare at
your breasts.” “I want to protect you, that is one
of the ways I feel that I am loving my wife.” “Could
you please not cook spinach soufflé anymore, I just don’t like it, but
everything else you cook for us is wonderful.”
2 More Reasons To Avoid Soft Drinks
Back in 1993, I told
Second Opinion subscribers that the
The first one really
isn't a surprise, but too many people
The second reason you
should avoid soft drinks is because
The FDA recently tested
some 60 varieties of sodas, sports
This is why you shouldn't
trust anything in a can, especially
If you want to drink
fruit juice, make sure you make it at home
Better yet, eat the whole
fruit. The fiber will slow the sugar
Yours for better health
and medical freedom,
Robert Jay Rowen, MD
Question: Where in the bible does it say that pre-marriage sex is a sin? It says having sex with a prostitute is but having sex with a women that is not or do we intend saying any women that has pre-marriage sex is?
Rev. William Loader Ph.D. LCCP,LCPC
Marriage Outreach Ministry
F. M. I. Regional Director
Answer: Along with all other kinds of sexual immorality, sex before marriage, premarital sex is repeatedly condemned in Scripture. (see scripture below.) The Bible promotes abstinence before marriage. Sex before marriage is just as wrong as adultery and other forms of sexual immorality, because they all involve having sex with someone you are not married to. Sex between a husband and his wife is the only form of sexual relations that God approves of (Hebrews 13:4).
“It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is honorable and holy, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God, and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. …For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man, but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit.” 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8
“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is the a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your body” 1 Corinthians 6: 18-20
Now to the unmarried and the widows, I say this: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than burn with passion. (1 Corinthians 7:8,9 NIV)
We should not commit sexual immorality, as some of them did (Numbers 25: 1-9) and in one day twenty-three thousand of them died. (1 Corinthians 10:8)
For this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person - such a man is an idolater - has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. (Ephesians 5:5 NIV)
Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. (Colossians 3:5 NIV)
It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality, that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God, and in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. ( 1 Thessalonians 4:3 NIV) ...For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you His Holy Spirit. (1 Thessalonians 4:7 NIV)
There are those who did not defile themselves with women, for they kept themselves pure. They follow the lamb wherever he goes. They were purchased from among men and offered as firstfruits to God and the lamb. (Revelation 14:4 NIV)
At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures....(Titus 3:3 NIV)
So I say, Live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful
nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. (Galatians 5:16-17)
Dear friends, I urge you as aliens, and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul. (1 Peter 2:11)