Emotional Infidelity 
by Angie Lewis

Emotional infidelity is the new fad among married couples. Almost every American home has at least two computers making it easier than ever to do whatever you want online without your spouse ever knowing about it.  It's cheap, it's easy, and it's fun! You can sit down for ten minutes and learn more about someone online than you ever could meeting with them in person in that same amount of time.  

The sharing of personal information with strangers online is thrown around loosely all over the Internet. And this new craze is at its peak with married women and men sharing their personal and intimate details with the opposite sex, on chat boards, personal spaces, porn sites, message boards, and forums that anyone can become a member in.

Emotional infidelity is just kind way of saying, "online dating".  Is your spouse dating someone online? How would you know?  Is online dating a smart thing to do? Some people believe there is no harm in it since it doesn't actually involve having sex with the person. Online dating has been played down by society just like the commitment and promise of marriage has. Emotional infidelity is disloyalty to ones spouse in a different way other than in a sexual way, that's all.

Sex isn't everything in a marriage, right? Intimacy plays a big part in marriage, doesn't it? How would you feel if your wife were getting intimate with another man online, would you like it? What if your husband were divulging his personal feelings and sexual needs to another woman would you like it?  This is online dating.

I think it is very detrimental to both husband and wife in the marriage. Not only can a simple chat get carried away and turn into sex eventually, but the wrongdoer is ultimately breaking the bonds of trust with their spouse by revealing personal and sacred information about himself that ultimately belongs within the marriage!

Emotional unfaithfulness can hurt just as deeply as physical unfaithfulness, and sometimes, even more. There is definitely something wrong in the marriage when one or both spouses are going outside of the marriage for love and acceptance. This is what all infidelity between couples is all about. It's about the need for acceptance.

When we are not getting our emotional needs met at home, we seek it from someone who will give it to us. We want to feel good about who we are. We want to be loved and acknowledged for who we are. We want validated and needed. We want to be told that we are good people. If those needs aren't getting met through the person we married, what do we do? Where do we turn?

We go online and find someone who will give all of those needs to us. It is like an alcoholic who craves a drink. He'll do just about anything to get that drink, hurting others in the process. Eventually, he'll get that drink and he'll drink it down and like it so much, he'll want more.

Married couples are literally craving attention, emotionally, spiritually and mentally, and there are plenty of strangers who will fulfill those needs right online. We can even make them give us all the attention we think we deserve by lying to them. We can tell them how rotten and mean our spouse is, so they will feel sorry for us. We can even tell them we are divorced when really we’re still married.

Online dating is not good for marriage. It is not good for a single young woman looking for a man. And it is not good for the teenage girl looking for acceptance and love. Anything can be said and anything can be believed. How sad.

Emotional infidelity is just as harmful as physical infidelity. I suggest that if you are involved with someone emotionally to cut it off before it gets out of hand and leads to something more detrimental to the sanctity of your marriage.  Talk to your spouse. Tell your spouse what you need and want. Tell them you want to be respected and loved for who you are.

Don't be afraid to express your true feelings to your spouse. They need and want this from you. You will be pleasantly surprised how understanding and tolerable they will be when they see that you love them enough to share your feelings with them

Go to your wife! Express yourself positively and productively. It doesn't matter what you tell her, it matters how you tell her. Give your wife that piece of your heart that really tells her how much you trust her, need her and want her.

Go to your husband! Share your inner most feelings with him and tell him you need his loving devotion and attention. Get intimate with your husband by sharing your heart and mind with him.

What can this do for you? It frees your mind of wasted clutter that needs to come out into the open. Communicate your wants, desires and needs with your spouse. It will make you feel closer because you shared an intimate piece of yourself with them.

Angie Lewis writes on subjects such as love, sex, and intimacy between couples. Her books center on the biblical foundations that God outlines for couples to follow for an exceptional marriage.  Angie writes numerous articles and e-books covering such issues as adultery, addictions, temptation, and forgiveness in marriage.  See website for more information about Angie's books or online marriage ministry. http://www.heavenministries.com

Copyright © 2006 Heaven Ministries ~ Angie Lewis
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