5 Reasons Why Affairs Donít Work

by Angie Lewis
Heaven Ministries


What is the purpose for having an affair? Most people would say it is because they like or love the other person they are having the affair with. Think about this. At one time in your life, you also loved the person you married, right? What happened? Some people have affairs and trysts because they allow their negative emotions to control them. Simply put, they listen to their feelings. Sex outside of marriage is a lack of self-control. Self-control only comes from God.  No one has the power to defeat the flesh on his or her own.

We all want to be accepted, appreciated and loved and when we donít get that at home, some of us go out of our way to go get it. But it is morally wrong to go outside the bounds of marriage and enjoy someone other than who we married. So why do some people do it?

  1. Affairs simply donít work because many times they are just a temporary fling. Marriage is (supposed to be) forever. And if the affair is not temporary, one day you might end up marrying the person you cheated with, and later find out the euphoria of the relationship is gone. And now your new spouse nags about your faults. Now what? Should you cheat on your second spouse now to make yourself ďfeelĒ better again?


  1. Affairs donít work because youíre married. More than half of all affairs dissolve because the cheater wants to repent and work on their marriage. This says something to all of you who get involved with a married person. Donít count your chickens before theyíre hatched. Better yet, donít get involved with a married person.


  1. Affairs donít usually work because the unmarried partner is desperate for you to divorce your spouse. Their desperate behavior lets you see what kind of a person you have been hanging around with. Sooner or later, if they keep pushing you to divorce your spouse, youíll leave them and go back to your spouse.


  1. Affairs donít work because after going through all the trouble of moving out of your house and being the bad guy with your children, you actually feel worse than before. This happens a lot. Adultery is not worth the effort. Have you ever thought about what kind of a person would have an affair with a married person anyway?


The reality is most people who commit adultery wish they wouldnít have done it. But the minority few cheaters will continue to cheat on all their partners until they are physically unable to. They will never find satisfaction within themselves, so they get it from using and abusing others. Fortunately, this is only the minority, but works for both men and women.


  1. Affairs donít work because most of the time it is sexual lust that leads the heart to have the affair in the first place. Some people try real hard to find justification for committing adultery or they blame their spouse. This is how powerful feelings can be. 


Wrong thinking steers people further and further away from God and closer and closer into sin. A personís lustful thoughts eventually make him to commit adultery. The need for acceptance and love is so strong in the mind that it leads to sex outside of marriage. 

The Lord is with you when you are with him. If you seek him, he will be found by you, but if you forsake him, he will forsake you.  2 Chronicles 15:2 NIV)

A personís infidelity is only the symptom of a greater issue within them. Without seeking out the Spiritual Christ for our spiritual well being, we will remain separate from God and unable to remain self-controlled.  We need God!

Choosing to work on your marriage will make you a stronger and better marriage partner in the long run. You can skip all of this game playing with yourself and become the person God intended you to be. God has made us wise enough to make the right choices for ourselves. We can choose to love the person we married or we can follow the ways of the world. Use the gifts God has given you and work on your marriage.

For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men, It teaches us to say ďNoĒ to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age. Titus 2:11-12

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Copyright 2006 Heaven Ministries