Irreconcilable Differences is the Hardened Heart
Copyright 2010 Heaven Ministries ~ Marriage Healing Ministry



Irreconcilable differences are a bureaucratic term used in divorce proceedings describing a myriad of reasons why couples divorce. The state grants divorce for couples because of hardened hearts, which is the inability to reconcile differences. Actually everyone has the ability to reconcile differences with their spouse but selfishness stands in the way.

He saith unto them, ďMoses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. (Matthew 19:8)

Jesus is explaining to the Pharisees why divorce was ever approved. God did not grant divorce to couples, Moses did! God would never approve divorce because he intends marriage to be for life!

Most people jump into marriage based on strong feelings and emotions rather than the principled actions to love. Let love be without dissimulation (Romans 12:9)

Jumping into marriage couples are wearing rose-colored glasses and see their Prince Charming / Cinderella with powerful feelings of desire. Once the desire wears off they suddenly see the faults and weaknesses of their spouse, but because the strong feelings of desire are gone, they are unable to reconcile with those faults and weaknesses. Love must be sincere. (Romans 12:0)

What about going into marriage prepared and committed? Be willing to do whatever it takes to keep the marriage fruitful and productive. Donít jump into marriage based on feelings and emotions only, go into marriage realizing you will have to practice principled acts of love every single day of the marriage. Realistically thatís what marriage takes! If you donít think you can do that then donít get married. Please take the rose-colored glasses off.

Compromise or Hardened Heart?

We all have faults, sins, and weaknesses before marriage, so what changes after marriage? What changes is that couples donít want to accept one another and work on the marriage anymoreóthey give up! For their own selfish reasons they stop giving of themselves in the marriage, and as we all know, once that happens the marriage is hopelessly doomed. Marriage is a give and take commitment that takes sacrifices every single day! Compromise or hardened heart?  Are you still wearing those rosy colored glasses?

Forgiveness or Hardened Heart?

Forgiveness? Whatís that? We all know what forgiveness is, we just donít practice it. Itís easier to be burdened with an unforgiving heart than forgive. Forgiveness is difficult, especially if you are hurting, but even if there is good reason to hold in resentment and grudges it will kill your soul. Anyone who does not forgive will become bitter and full of hatred. Forgiveness opens your heart to loving others and if there is anyone you should be practicing to love, it is the person God blessed you with. Forgive and receive forgiveness for yourself. Forgiveness or Hardened heart?  Those rosy spectacles are turning sweaty on your face. Boy itís hot!

Respect or Hardened Heart?

Respect is the greatest act of love that we can give one another. It knows no boundaries. It is what keeps love alive and moves the heart to be more for each other. The minute couples stop respecting each other for the person they are, and their position in the marriage, the minute the marriage will begin to go downhill, and fast! Honor one another above yourselves. (Romans 12:10)

Where is the Understanding of Godís Purpose?

So are you still wearing those rose-colored glasses? Are you still unable to understand the purpose God has for YOU and your marriage?  We all know what God wants for marriage, now we just need to turn that knowledge into action! Turn your marriage into the relationship that God intends it to be rather than what YOU think it should be.

Understand and apply the loving principles and actions that God has blessed you with into your marriage. Learn to reconcile differences through those principles, and watch your marriage become fruitful and abundant because it is now based upon the design God meant for it. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. (Romans 12:11)

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. (Colossians 3:13)