Will the Glass Slipper Ever Fit? (Pre-marriage Preparedness)
Copyright 2005 Heaven Ministries - Angie Lewis
Do opposites really attract? I believe there is some truth to this. At first the euphoria of a new relationship brings much elation and happiness, even in a relationship that is unpredictable as is with opposites. But after five years into the marriage will this now “old found love” still be alive and strong, and will these opposites still attract each other?
The first thing young people should know before getting married is that there is no such thing as Cinderella and Prince charming marriages. It just doesn’t work like that. At first the slipper fits, but later, after trials and tribulations, the slipper becomes too small.
There are no exceptions to this rule. It is very crucial that couples develop and grow together through the daily grind of work, career, children, circumstances, and marital issues that can and will affect marriage tremendously.
Couples should believe in the same issues and concerns that become readily apparent in life. They need to deeply and thoroughly discuss the subjects of career, family, religion, etc, before saying those “I do’s”.
For younger couples who have never been married before, I really want to stress how important it is to communicate how you both feel about certain topics of importance and the roles each of you will assume in the marriage. Lets take a look at just a few compatibility issues that might affect couples during marriage.
1) Your future husband thinks he would like to hunt for the sport of it, and is now an avid hunter and happy camper in the woods, but you have become involved in the conservation of animals, will you know how to handle this incompatibility issue every time it comes up in your marriage? Or would you want to?
Unless you can come to an agreement of some sort about this major difference in character, then I don’t think you should get married.
2) Your future husband wants three or four children, but you’re not sure about even having one child! Are you willing to compromise your own wants and needs and give in to your husband’s desires? If not, I would advise you to hold off on getting married.
3) Your future wife has taken the position that she wants to have a career and maybe adopt a child later. You want her to stay home with your children. Is this going to work? No, it is not, and again, this can become a major problem in the home if it isn't cleared up before marriage. If the issue cannot get resolved, I don’t think you should get married.
4) Your future wife is a Catholic and you are a Mormon? Are you prepared to deal with the stresses involved in such religious variation? Or maybe you will marry anyway and think you can change their beliefs after you’re married? Think again.
With these few compatibility issues all said and done, I still believe that two people can be poles apart in thinking and believing on many issues and the marriage still survive. It all boils down to the people in the marriage. Couples who are mentally and spiritually healthy are better equipped to deal with major issues that will involve them throughout the marriage.
Meaning, the marriage is based upon the foundation of love, commitment, honor, trust, and acceptance. These aspects for a sound and healthy marriage are what God designed marriage to be based upon! On the flip side, if couples are going through problems of incompatibility there is no room for self-righteous behavior or control issues. This kind of behavior will wreck havoc during matters of difference. If a spouse becomes too intolerant and self-righteous the couples in the marriage cease to grow together and differences NEVER get resolved.
So what can we do BEFORE getting married to help the marriage be healthy and strong?
1) What will your responsibilities be in the marriage? Discuss together and share your thoughts with your future husband. Agreement on these issues is very important. Know before hand what you’re getting into.
2) Express issues of importance with each other through proper communication. No marriage can withstand the perils of miscommunication or no communication at all.
3) Know what your spouse expects from you. What will your role be? What will your responsibilities be? What do you want for your marriage?
4) Know that you will be committed to you spouse through think and thin. If you go into marriage thinking that you can always get a quickie divorce, you have already gotten a divorce before you even said your “I do’s”!
5) Faults come out after marriage. Be prepared. Accept your new spouse for who they are. It all comes down to taking your position in marriage seriously. Today many couples walk halfheartedly into marriage thinking they can get out of their responsibilities whenever they want. But this is wrong thinking and should not even be an option. Will the glass slipper ever fit?