Teens Need To Talk
With Their Parents
For parents to be able to trust their children they must work with their children. Don't only get interested in what your children are doing only when it is convenient for you, or when you know they are doing something they shouldn't be doing. Be there for them at all times and in every way.
Trusting your teenagers is a connection you have with them, which can be broken - it's like the link on a chain - when a link gets broken it needs repaired right away. Don't wait for another link to break before you repair the first link. If a link on the chain gets broken and does not get repaired, there will be a little bit less trust in the child-parent connection.
Why would a teenager, boy or girl, sneak around doing things they know they shouldn't be doing? Well, there are two reasons.
1. Because they are afraid to talk to their parents.
2. Because they feel it is important or they are entitled to do what they are doing, but think parents won't feel the same way.
Disobeying parents can be very difficult on a teenager. On the one hand they want to do what is right and obey parents, but on the other hand, they feel that what they are doing may be ok from their standpoint, or at least, not as bad as the parents make it out to be. This is why teens think parents are weird and don't know anything, and why parents think teens are too self-indulgent.
This generation gap has a lot to do with our attitude and parent-child not identifying with one another - there is no respect for each other and the roles each has in the relationship. But it also has a lot to do with being raised in a culture that is ever-so-fast evolving in a direction further away from morality, ethics, and Godly guidance. Is it any wonder that the home-school movement is growing in leaps and bounds?
Sneaking around for the teenager instills a guilty conscience in the teen, and because of that guilt all kinds of emotional and physical maladies will begin to affect them because deep down most teens want to please their parents. If the teen is involved in a relationship that the parents do not approve of it can wreck havoc on a healthy teens physical and emotional health. And if the teenager does not talk with parents about it, a growing indifference begins to mount up within their relationship.
Teens need to talk to their parents rather than sneaking around, even if they think parents will disapprove. It is better to get our emotions and feelings out about an issue at hand than to keep it all bottled up inside, causing feelings of guilt, fear, and panic. If we talk to our parents, even if they disagree with what we're doing, it will at least save us from the negative feelings and emotions mounting up inside of us.
You can still disagree with your parents decision and love them. You don't have to feel animosity towards your parents knowing that they are basing their decision on their own love and concern for your welfare. This is most-likely why parents tell their children "no" and set down rules for children to follow. Also....may things change over time through growth and maturity. If you obey your parents wishes for you now, it could be, more than likely, they will eventually change their mind about who you are seeing, or what you are doing, if you can show them that the person you would like to get to know better is not as bad as they think. Or you may eventually see your parents point of view.
Keep in mind that we don't want to break any more links on the chain. If another link breaks and it does not get repaired, the parent-teen relationship will be harder to mend. So that brings me back to how both parent and teen NEED to work together to bring resolve to any and all issues at hand.
If parent finds out that teen disobeyed them it causes frustration and disappointment, and because of those negative emotions, the parents may unintentionally emotionally abuse their teenager. This is very bad for a teenagers self-esteem, and bond with that parent. Teen will then be more inclined to rebel against parent even more. The teen, out of his or her own frustration and guilt and having no connection with parent will not respect parents.
So...you must get the link repaired before it is too late. To repair the link it will take effort and willingness from both parent and teen to talk about the issues facing them at hand. Teens need to be open and honest with their parents. Parents also, need to be honest and communicate productively, but even more important than that, they need to listen to what their teenager is saying and understand their feelings and way of thinking.
Parents do need to put themselves in their teenagers shoes from time to time and teenagers need to wear their parents shoes just to get a better idea of each others point of view and feelings.
Submission - Consideration - Compassion - Understanding
Many times parents disregard what their teens have to say because they don't want to take the time to understand them. Has your daughter ever said to you, "I don't understand you." Have you ever said to your son, "I don't understand you?" It is because you are so disconnected from each others lives that you don't understand each others way of seeing things, point of view, and or feelings. How are you going to handle this generation gap?
When a parent rejects their teenagers feelings it can be VERY detrimental to their psyche, more so than if the teen rejects a parents feelings. the reason is, the parent always thinks they are right, and most of the time they are, but that does not mean you cannot take the time to involve yourself in your teenagers life either.
Parents are almost always right!
To the teenager, from where they are at in life, (maturity level) they are right, and so we must "show" them in a good way, by listening to what they have to say, that it could be for them they are right. But when they develop and grow in wisdom they will come to see it was not as prudent and right as they once thought. As we already know parents are almost always right, but the teen at the time does not know that. At the time they think they are right! Do you understand what I'm saying here?
To the teenager it means a great deal how they feel and what they are doing at the moment. So do try to put yourself in your teens shoes once in a while.. just so you can identify more closely with their feelings. An understanding parent catches more flies with honey. So get out the honey and try to be a bit more understanding of your teenagers feelings. By doing this it does not mean you are saying they are right, but you are saying that their feelings are ok to have.
Teenagers, you also need to put yourself in your parents shoes. Who is the parent here? You must also be more understanding to the reasons of why your parents seem to want to apply restrictions on some of your freedoms. In my opinion, it is best for you to have overly protective parents that are involved in your life, rather than parents who are permissive and don't seem to have the time for you and what you are doing.
Think about that! Which parent would you rather have, really?