Parents and Teens Working Together
Copyright © 2008 Heaven Ministries - Angie Lewis

Parents should take time to talk with their children about what is on their mind - why, what, and how, they should obey. What are the house rules? Why are you enforcing this rule? How does it help everyone involved.  

1. What do you expect and need from the teen concerning this house rule?

2. Why do you need this from them? 

3. . How it should be implemented to work for both sides and benefit the family as a whole. Parents shouldn't only think about themselves but their children too. When enforcing rules consider the child's ideas and opinions, but as we all know, parents have been around longer and that makes them wiser, at least we hope, and so parents usually know what is best for everyone involved.  

Teens should respect and obey parents decisions for them...even if they disagree. 

Respect parents for their judgment and obey that judgment because you ought to honor your parents ability to be parents and to know what is best for you. You will not be living at home forever - one day you will be on your own and you can be your own boss but while living at home your boss is your parents. So....who oversees the parents? In an ideal situation it would be God. We are God's children and therefore God should be guiding us in wisdom to instruct our children according to that wisdom. We've been given a challenging role as parents, but we don't have to tackle parenting alone - God is on our side. 

Parent-teen relations is much like a business partnership because it involves something from both sides. If one side is unwilling to do their part, then where is the working together? Both parent and teen have certain roles and functions they must carry out for the smooth functioning and order of a household. What happens when parents and teens don't work together? 

Well, lets say we have a parent who doesn't ever take the time out for the teen and he or she becomes rebellious because they have no direction/structure to go by? Now what?  Teenagers develop a rebellious attitude over time, it doesn't happen over night. This rebellious attitude stems from the lack of discipline and direction in that teens life. The teen may feel unloved and unable to identify with either parent, and poof, off he or she goes on their merry little way, doing what everyone else is doing. Parents, you don't want your teen doing what the herd is doing - it almost always leads to destruction in the long run and is not conducive to the Christian lifestyle. 

The parent-teen relationship can be repaired but it takes active involvement from both the parent and the teen. If a parent  emotionally abandons and or neglects their teen, the parent desperately needs to repair the damage. No parent wants to have an adult child who disrespects them and feels contempt for them. But this is what happens when we aren't there for our children when they are growing up. 

We have all done it - not been the greatest parents for our children, but most of us learn from our parenting mistakes and grow to be better parents because of it. All parents make mistakes - I'm not referring to that. I'm referring to the parent's who consistently are not there for their children or teens through the crucial growing up years. What kind of psychological damage will that child have when he or she grows up? Is this what doctors are coining to be codependence and bipolar disorders? I think it is!

The damage can be repaired by fixing the broken bond of trust and showing your children through your actions/behavior that you do love them and want what is best for them, and not for yourself. Perhaps it was a big error in judgment that took you emotionally away from your children. Ok, well now its time to fix it.  Let your children see you are human and are willing to humble yourself and talk about your faults and weaknesses.  Start gaining back lost trust by being there for them when they need you. 

Why do we have children? We have children because it is something that most married couples decide they want to share together - a child to love, nurture, and care for. Children belong to God and we parents work for God as care-givers for His children. Let's not disappoint God and be lousy care-givers. If we aren't sure about something that is weighing heavily upon our hearts, we can discuss it with God and He WILL give us the guidance we need to do what is best for everyone involved.

Do you not know? have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. (Isaiah 40:28-29)