Why Your Teen Would Not Obey
Copyright © 2008 Heaven Ministries - Angie Lewis
Why would your teenager not behave and become rebellious?
It takes from a teen a certain amount of rejection to reach the point
to where they begin to disobey their parents. It usually starts from
before they were teens... because the parents did not discipline them on a consistent
basis, and or they simply did not get involved with their teenagers
life. A teenager does not all of a sudden stop obeying, and respecting
parents. No, there is almost always an underlying issue that has not been resolved
between parent and the teen - too many broken links. Remember what I
said earlier. When a link gets broken it needs repaired immediately
before another link breaks.
Teenagers and pre-teens disobey because they are angry, embittered, exasperated
and confused. Of course these emotions certainly do not give them excuse
for disobeying their parents, but here again, the teenager who is
frustrated with his or her parents obviously will not want to express
themselves (let down their guard) to their parents - they feel
intimidated by parents reaction
to their feelings. Why would a teen feel intimidated of a parents
reaction? Perhaps they aren't being "listened to" or
perhaps parent often discounts their feelings.
What can a parent do?
Sit down with your teenager and be humble with them. You may be their
parent/caregiver, but you're not their God. We must be ready to admit
our weaknesses and failings from the past and let our children know we
will try to do a better job trying to understand them. The minute you
admit you have faults (telling them you know you have not always been
the best parent) they will at once be more willing to release their
feelings to you.
Remember don't discount their feelings. Listen, ask questions and become
genuinely interested in them. Your teenager wants to feel safe and
validated... talking to you about what has been going on with them, but if
you show any hint of rebuff to their feelings, they will clam up on you.
Your teen actually wants to obey and respect you, but you have to let
them do that without your rejection.
Don't misunderstand, it is not that
you can't correct them if they misbehave, you should instruct them and
discipline them correctly in the Lord, but parents should never attack a
teens feelings. Instead, listen and be understanding of those feelings,
and if you feel differently, by all means, state your opinion but don't
discount your teen in the process. That's what I'm talking about.
Let them talk - let them be who they are. If they are not disobeying
you, but only moving in a direction that you don't approve of, you really
just need to let them be. Let them be the person God is leading them to
be. We have no right to interfere with God's work because of our own
selfishness. Too many times parents intervene in their teens lives
because of their own selfish reasons. They pressure them into taking
studies in college they are not interested in, or they pressure them
into going to college when they are not interested, or they want them to
excel where they themselves did not...blah, blah, blah.
This kind of pressure from selfish parents is just not right - what a
burden on the teen. This is difficult for the teen who is not interested
in what you are pressuring them into doing and or being. In the end they
will either go your way to only please you and feel resentful later
about it, or they will simply reject your decisions for them and then
you will think they are rebelling.
Let them become the person God leads them to be not what YOU lead
them to be.
Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.
Do you want discouraged teenagers or do you want happy teenagers? Its
up to you.
Woe to those who are wise IN THEIR OWN eyes and clever in their own
sight. (Isaiah 5:21)