|Marriage Alive! Newsletter|
Disrespect Their Wives
Husbands who stare at, or flirt with other women may
not think they are being disrespectful, but it is very hurtful to their
wives. The bible talks about this in detail about how a man is to love his
wife. “Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loves the church and
gave himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:25)
Disrespecting our wives by ogling, touching, chatting
with online, flirting, or staring at other women is not conducive to a
healthy relationship, simply because it causes resentment and jealousy
between couples. Husbands who make a habit of looking at other women in
the wrong way are also disrespecting God’s creation and the one flesh of
If we are having a difficult time keeping our eyes in
our own fence then we really do need to ask Christ to help us with our
temptations. If you believe it is wrong then let down your pride and allow
God to go to work in your personal life. God clearly lets us know that if
we go to him in faith that he will keep us from being tempted more than we
“And God is faithful, he will not let you be
tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also
provide a way out so you can stand up under it.” (1 Corinthians 10:13)
All moral sin starts with being tempted. But
understand that we make ourselves tempted by having the wrong
attitude about the opposite sex in the first place. Some men
believe it is ok to stare at and flirt with other woman as long as they
aren’t having sex with them, but the fact is it is very harmful to the
spirituality of the man who is doing it and to his wife who sees what is
When a married man (or woman) ogles and flirts, it
begins to form an attitude within him that this way of behaving is ok. The
truth is carrying this attitude around is what leads up to adultery. Eyeing
other women may seem innocent enough, but one day it will go further than
just ogling. What is in a man’s heart will come out in his actions.
“But I tell you anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already
committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matthew 5:27-28) Christ
calls it emotional adultery and that’s what it is.
Both men and woman are to blame for wrong behavior
that happens between them. Married women should not be giving any reason
for another man to stare at her. I realize that even though she may not
give reason, a man is still apt to stare at her, but that is a whole other
matter altogether. It still takes two to be tempted and then commit
adultery. If you aren’t doing anything wrong then you have nothing to
worry about. The bottom line is some women have a role in this wrong
behavior by the way they dress and carry themselves.
How Wives Disrespect Their Husbands
What do you think? Should a married woman dress to
please her husband or to please her ego? Did you know that women are
judged by the way they dress and carry themselves? In an instant a man
will know if he can stare and flirt.
Her demeanor is the biggest tell-tell of them all. Women either
give off the appearance as someone who wants to be flirted with and stared
at, or they don’t.
Has your husband ever said to you that your dress,
skirt, shorts or shirt were too revealing? Then you are a very lucky woman
because this kind of a man is only trying to protect you from staring
eyes. Some men don’t know how to express themselves appropriately and so
his wife may think he is trying to “control” the way she dresses. But
actually he is only trying to keep other men from looking at his wife!
No real man wants to have other men looking at his wife’s
cleavage or thighs—it is very disrespectful.
Ironically, men stare and flirt because they have
been given the signal from the woman that its ok to do it—her demeanor
and dress give it away! But then these very same women complain and files
sexual harassment suits. We do it to ourselves! We have to be careful!
When a woman behaves sexual in appearance or demeanor she will attract the
wrong kind of attention. And if we do not want that kind of
attention then we should consider carefully how we dress and convey
We need to protect our marriage from the world!
Sharing our marriage with the world is asking for trouble. When a married
man stares at and flirts with other women he is disrespecting his wife,
God and the one flesh of marriage, not to mention he is disrespecting
himself. He is literally sharing himself with the world. We need to ask
God to help us keep our eyes and thoughts in our own fence because this is
God's purpose for us in marriage.
And when a woman dresses to please her ego, she is
doing the same. She is giving off the wrong impression. How can a marriage
be protected with all of this behavior going on? The only way to protect
our marriage is to not let the world in. This starts with the husband
and wife working together in the one flesh of marriage by pleasing God
with their marriage rather than pleasing themselves.
The truth is no matter what a woman wears or how she carries herself there will always be unbelieving men, who can’t resist what does not belong to them, but at least she did not have any part of it and her heart is right with God and her husband. We are God’s wonderful and beautiful creation and we don’t have to dress to please others but to please God, and that’s all that matters.
There are many things that couples can do to save
their marriage. Although circumstances for each marriage are different,
what I’m going to discuss in this article applies to every marriage.
1. Be Willing To Work on Your Marriage
Couples need to be willing to pick up the pieces and
work with their spouse. Humble yourselves to each other. So many times
couples blame one another for the disarray of the marriage because they
are hurting inside. No one wants to feel hurt, pain and suffering. But
what happens when we don’t even try to forgive? The broken pieces of the
marriage remain on the floor!
If no one is willing to pick up the pieces the
marriage will remain broken. Negative emotions, past baggage, guilt and
vulnerability will be carried with you into the next marriage or
relationship. Don’t think that remarriage is going to make you happy or
solve your problems. That’s not reality. The reality is you can pick
up the pieces and resolve your martial problems and be a better marriage
partner because of it.
2. Change Attitude From “Don’t Care” to Committed
So how do you change an attitude from “don’t
care” to committed? You just do it. Understand that you probably walked
into the marriage with non-commitment, even though your feelings told you
otherwise. This day and age, many of us have not been taught the value of
marriage, and many of us don’t know what the bible says about marriage.
This “don’t care” attitude about the sanctity of marriage is what is
killing marriages and families. What does God say about marriage? God says
marriage is for a lifetime.
3. Forgive and Encourage Daily
Realize it’s not just the big things that need
forgiveness, but the everyday small things too. Forgiveness works very
closely with acceptance. In marriage couples need to accept and tolerate
the person they married. Forgive your husband for leaving the toilet seat
up and watching too much television. Forgive your wife for not being a
good cook or house cleaner. Do these small things really mean an end to
We all have areas that need improved on. The best way
to improve on ourselves is to encourage each other. Does that seem
backwards to you? It is not backwards when you look at the big picture.
When you encourage the person you married, you will be lifting them up in
spirit, and in turn, they will see the positive aspects in you and do the
same. Couples absolutely need to encourage one another every day. Instead
of finding fault and bringing each other down, find the good in one
another and bring each other up.
4. Appreciate Each Other More
This area in marriage is greatly lacking. Do you want
to know why? Some of us take our marriage and everything in it for
granted. Some of us never stop to think about all that our spouse does for
us. Do we expect too much from the person we married. We somehow think
that if only they would do this, or change to be like that, and then we
would be happy. But this kind of thinking is not reality, is it?
Stop and notice your marriage. When was the last time
you told your spouse how much you appreciate them for all they do? Don’t
let the doldrums of marriage make you emotionally lazy. Show your
appreciation in acts of kindness and love every single day of your
5. Realize Who The Creator of Marriage Is
Jesus Christ has already laid out the architectural
design for a Christian marriage. He has given us the wisdom and the
knowledge to live marriage God’s way! If we manage our marriage under
our own understanding it will have difficulties and possibly fail. We
absolutely have to put God first so we can understand how to love the
person we married in the ways of Christ.
God is the Master Architect of marriage and for a happy marriage we
need to base our actions, attitudes and motives on His design.
Ladies, why do you think God
created you? Do you think that he created you to become a trampled on
doormat? Or perhaps he created you to rule over your husband? Do you think
he created you to reject your husband’s love and protection for you? God
clearly and specifically lets us know why women were created.
The Lord God said, “It is not
good for a man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him”.
God created woman to balance out
and complete the “one flesh” of marriage. God thought of everything
when he made woman. Man and woman were made perfect for one another. God
did not make woman to be inferior to her husband but to be his helper.
When we live out our purpose for marriage we are being our
husband’s helpmeet and we are honoring God with our marriage.
If we live our lives to please
ourselves by having a free-spirited attitude and carrying on as if our
lives are our own to lead, then we become the opposite of helpmeet. The
only thing we are “meeting” is our own vanity and pleasures. And
therefore we become a hindrance to our husband’s spiritual growth in
Jesus Christ simply because we are not allowing him to commence his
headship position in the marriage.
We hinder our husband’s growth
by not regarding his guidance and protection for our lives. It’s ironic
because we profess to be Christians and yet many of us are not leading our
lives in Christ-like ways—so then how can we say we are Christ’s Ones
when we are not following Jesus Christ and the principles he has provided
for us to have healthy marriages!?
We go to mainstream counselors; we
complain to our girlfriends, sister, mother, and anyone who will listen
about how unhappy we are in our marriage and nothing changes. We try so
hard to get our husbands to listen, to help around the house, to do what
we say, but this only emasculates them and tempts them to seek greener
In Judges 4: 4 God chose a woman
named Deborah, a prophetess to lead Israel. At the time, she was the best
choice for the position. He chose Deborah because she was a good leader
and a Godly woman. As a prophetess her main purpose was to encourage
people to obey God and that is what she did. She served God by obeying him
and teaching others to love and obey God too.
But nowhere in the bible does God
choose the wife to boss her husband around and disregard his headship
position.. In fact scripture reveals quite the opposite. The husband is
head of the wife just as Christ is head of the church, his body, of
which he is the Savior. As the church submits to Christ, so also
wives should submit to their husbands in everything. (Ephesians
When God made the man he gave him
the natural instinct of leader/protector/overseer, and to serve his
household by teaching his own family obedience to God. When a husband
serves his family in this way he is doing the will of God and living out
the purpose set out for him as a married man.
Subsequently, when the wife
submits to her husband’s leadership position she is also leading the
children towards God rather than leading them to their spiritual death.
She is being a good example for her children to “see” how God intends
marriage to be. Women are also leaders, protectors and overseers through
their husband’s headship position! When she allows her husband to
protect, teach, and care for the family in the way God asks him to, she is
also leading and protecting them from spiritual bankruptcy because she is
helping her husband do his job!
She is helping her husband by
meeting with him in accordance to their God-given roles in marriage.
Anything else is rebelliousness. Don’t be mistaken, just because
Christian society has taken Christ’s teaching on submission and tread
upon it does not mean it is not useful and valuable for marriage. All of
Christ teachings still stand today and should be seriously
regarded by all who profess to follow Jesus Christ!
If we proclaim to be Christ Ones
it is our duty to follow all of Christ’s principles for righteous
living. When husbands and wives live out their purpose for marriage and
family it preserves order and harmony in the family while increasing love
and respect among family members, not to mention the example they are
setting for the Christian community.
Proverbs 31 goes into detail about how the ideal woman should strive to be and it definitely concurs with why God made woman in the first place, which was to be a helpmeet to her husband, not a hindrance. “She brings her husband good, not harm, all the day of her life.” (Proverbs 31:12)
© 2002 - 2010 Heaven Ministries
To unsubscribe from the Heaven Ministries Newsletter Click here and type in unsubscribe in the subject