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Marriage Articles How a Christian Wife is to be a Helpmeet to Her Husband
Helping the Alcoholic You Love to Total Sobriety
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How a Christian Wife is to be a Helpmeet to Her Husband As Christians we are not only accountable to our
spouse but to God first and foremost.
Christ should be the driving force in the Christ follower’s life.
If this one important facet is written upon a woman’s heart, mind and
soul, she will not have a problem with her obligations as a
Christian wife. And the Lord God said, it is not good that the man
should be alone; I will make him an helpmeet for him.
Genesis 2:18 Scripture shows a woman how to be a good helpmeet to
her husband. Even when she doesn’t feel like being very helpful or
loving she tries to do the best she can because she knows it is what God
wants her to do. The reality is Christian woman have bad days too, but are
blessed with God’s presence (Holy Spirit) within them for comfort. God created Eve for Adam’s companionship, helper,
support and encouragement. It is not good that man should be alone.
There are many ways that a wife can bring the assets of helper and that of
companionship to her husband. A Christian wife “who fears the Lord” is
an asset to her husband in many ways. In what ways can a Christian wife be a good helpmeet
to her husband? She is called to be a companion to her husband in all
areas of the marriage, which include emotionally, mentally, spiritually
and sexually. A Wife’s Emotional Support Emotionally she encourages her husband to be the man
of God that was meant for him to be. She is an asset to her husband when
she supports him in his callings and endeavors in life and praises his
continual efforts in the Lord. She should refrain from trying to control,
browbeat or boss her husband around because that is not what God has
called her to do. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so
that he shall have no need of spoil. Proverbs 31:11 A nagging wife is worse than a dripping faucet. If a
wife cannot find anything uplifting to say to her husband or about her
husband she shouldn’t say anything at all. A husband needs an
emotionally supportive wife and vice versa, otherwise how is the oneness
in marriage met? It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a
contentious and angry woman. Proverbs
21:19 A Wife’s Spiritual Support
Spiritually a Christian wife connects with her
Christian husband because they share in the same values and principles in
life. And together they raise Godly children and have many fruits of the
spirit within their marriage and family. Together they create abundance
and prosperity for their lives and they realize and praise God because
they know it all belongs to Him. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her
life. Proverbs 31:12 She submits to her husband’s spiritual leadership.
A helpmeet does not argue and fuss with her husband; instead she works
with Him. Most husbands will eagerly listen to the opinion of their
wives when the wife does not demean him. Marriage is a partnership and a
team effort that takes considerable compassion and compromise from both
the husband and wife. Submission should always be voluntary, otherwise how
would it be submission any other way? Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. Proverbs 31:23 A Wife’s Sexual Support
Sexually she is there for her husband when he wants
to be close. Both husband and wife have emotional, spiritual and sexual
needs that should be met only through each other. God
created them male and female for this reason. Eve was made from Adams
flesh and bones, which symbolically make them one flesh. When a husband
and wife encourage one another in their roles and positions of marriage
the sexual and emotional intimacy between them will be a healthy and
productive part of the marriage. The goal for marriage should be of maintaining the
oneness that united them. Sexual intimacy between a husband and wife is
the kind of companionship that brings them closer together so they will
not want outside of the marriage parameters. They should never reject one
another unless of a woman’s menstruation or if either one of them is
sick. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and
eateth not the bread of idleness. Proverbs 31:27 On another note, women who are loved in the Lord are
more apt to be respectful and devoted wives. A woman who is truly loved
will utilize all of her creative talents and God given abilities that she
has been blessed with; her husband will never be in want or need of
anything.
What are the
commands of God? Besides the obvious Ten Commandments what other commands
of God are important for us to live by? Many of God’s commands may seem
burdensome because we do not understand how they apply in our lives or
because we don’t understand their purpose for our lives. God’s
commands are in place as teaching tools to correct us, instruct us and
offer us wisdom and love. God did not leave us with His instruction to be
difficult but because He loves us and wants for us to be with Him. God commands that
a husband love his wife. (Ephesians 5:25) What does that mean? How
can a husband be made to love his wife? God’s perfect ideal for marriage
is the picture of the relationship between Jesus Christ and the church,
which is an unconditional, sacrificial kind of love. In marriage a husband
is instructed to make his wife of prime importance in his life, and be
willing to sacrifice his own life, if need be, in the same way that Christ
has sacrificed himself for the church.
God commands that
a wife submit to her husband. (Ephesians 5:22) What woman is going
to find it difficult submitting her life to her husband if he is loving
her in the way God has instructed him to? I don’t think any woman would
find it difficult. At first glance at this scripture, without
understanding the purpose, women may find submitting to their husband
burdensome and difficult, but actually it is not that difficult if her
husband is loving her properly, in the ways of the Lord. God is the
architect of marriage. These two commands formulate the design that God
instituted for marriage and is what keeps the marriage running smoothly,
happy and successful. It is easy to love when we understand the purpose
for marriage and when love is seen as an action rather than something one
must feel. Love is an action
not a feeling. Do not confuse love with feelings of lust or desire because
it will always steer you away from doing what is right. Of course wives
should also love their husbands and both husband and wife are called to
submit to each other. (Ephesians 5:21) Do you have the wisdom to love your
spouse in the way that God has instructed you to? Sexual sin always
hurts someone. God did not forbid adultery, fornication, and lust to be
difficult. He knew that when a person succumbs to sexual temptations it
takes them away from what is good and right. God wants to protect us from
damaging ourselves with immoral sexual desires.
Sex outside of the marriage relationship always hurts someone.
It hurts God because it shows that we care more about our own
lustful desires than Him. Did you know that
the things we allow into our heart and mind are acted out by us in our
lives? That means if we are looking at lustful images, having premarital
sex and thinking lustful thoughts we are essentially harming our emotional
and spiritual lives and physical desire for our future spouse. Lust hurts people
emotionally and physically and destroys the virtue of the preparation for
marriage. Many young people walk into marriage not in love but in lust
because they have not been taught the difference between love and lust.
This forms the bond of non-commitment upon their heart and destroys the
permanency of marriage. Love is always
sincere and would never cause pain and harm with you or with others. Lust
hurts people, marriages, families, and God.
For the married person having feelings of lust and desire with
someone other than who you are married to is considered mental adultery
according to Jesus. (Matthew 5:27-28) Lust outside of marriage destroys
the “oneness” of marriage that God planned for husband and wife. When we love
through principled actions of respect rather than lust and desire we are
walking God’s wisdom filled truths and doing what makes our walk with
God abundant, peaceful, hopeful, and full of blessings. Remember, love
never hurts because it is not self-seeking but rather serving others. (1
Corinthians 13:4-6) God commands us
not to put our hope in money and material possessions. Why does God forbid
us to put our hope and assurance with money and things? It takes a lot of
work, and a lot of our time to be rich in this world. It is much more
difficult to do the things of God when we are so busy trying to do all the
things that lead to worldly riches. The love of money
keeps us from wanting to increase our spiritual treasures, which are the
blessings and gifts from God. By distinguishing between our earthly and
spiritual treasures it gives us an idea of where our priorities lie. What
do you treasure now for your life? What values do you have over your
material possessions? If someone said you had to give up all your material
possessions before you could go to heaven, what would you do? God knows we need
things to live, but He also knows that many things we strive to have will
take us away from serving Him wholly. Can you think of anything in your
life that takes you away from serving God? Money can be deceiving because
lots of times we think that it can buy our happiness when in retrospect it
can actually create problems in our life. When we die we
can’t take our money and stuff with us. (1Timothy 6:7-10) But we can
take our spiritual gifts that we have been blessed with to heaven with us.
This is precisely why God wants us to put our hope in Him where we can
gain real wealth and blessings. God is a compassionate and loving Father
because He does not ask us to give up the material things that we have, he
only asks us to make Him come first over what we do have! Do you have
wisdom enough to not allow money to deceive you? (Luke 18:24-27) So do not worry,
saying, “What shall we eat?” Or “What shall we drink?” or “What
shall we wear?” For the pagans run after all these things, and your
heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first His Kingdom
and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
(Matthew 6:31 NIV) Forgiveness is
one of the most important aspects of our Christian faith. True forgiveness
is found through our faith in Jesus Christ. (John 20:23) How does it work?
Once we have experienced forgiveness for ourselves we can tell others with
conviction that their sins can be forgiven too if they repent of those
sins. We first must experience forgiveness of our sins through Christ
before we can encourage others to do the same. Learning to forgive is a very important part of our walk with God. If we have an unforgiving heart it prevents us from becoming the loving individuals God wants us to be. It is very damaging to our spiritual and mental growth to hold in grudges and resentment, especially towards a loved one. Christ asks us to bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances we may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. (Colossians 3:13 NIV) Forgiving others
of the wrongs against us can be a very difficult thing to do, especially
if we are struggling with pain and hurt. But forgiving others when they
trespass against us is exactly what Jesus asks us to do. God lets us know
that He will not forgive us of our sins if we do not forgive others of
their sins against us. (Matthew 6:14-15) When we refuse to
forgive others we are essentially saying, “I’m better than you because
I am white as snow.” Are you white as snow? The truth is we all sin,
even Christian’s sin and are in need of God’s forgiveness from time to
time. Put down the stones and try walking in the other person’s shoes
for a change. Do not take
revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is
written" "It is mine to avenge' I will repay, says the Lord. On
the contrary: "if your enemy is hungry, feed him' if he is thirsty,
give him something to drink. In doing this, you will be heap burning coals
upon his head. Romans 12:19-21 By giving an
enemy a drink, we are not excusing his misdeeds, but forgiving him and
loving him despite of his sins. Jesus Christ did this for us. This
is called "detaching with love", or Jesus called it,
"turning the other cheek." If you are having a hard time
forgiving others, remember that Christ has forgiven you. Is there someone
you need to forgive? Ask God to help you forgive and free your heart and
mind of pent up resentment and negative feelings that unforgiveness has
been feeding your heart. Remember that forgiving others frees you to love
others wholly. Helping
the Alcoholic You Love to Total Sobriety To help the alcoholic you love you first must help yourself. You will
never be able to help the alcoholic until you help yourself.
Alcohol addiction tends to involve everyone the alcoholic is in
contact with on some kind of level. Those who are in the path of the
alcoholic, usually a spouse, desperately need to know how to emotionally
detach from the abuse of the alcoholic. In some cases the mental,
emotionally and even physical abuse is so bad that couples must separate. If the alcoholic begins to get mouthy—calling you names and putting
you down, you must leave the room or the house. Remember, the alcoholic is
sick and when they drink they are more apt to have emotional outbursts and
flared tempers. Don’t allow this abuse to sit in your head where it
festers and causes emotional problems for yourself. Let it go in one ear and out the other, literally! You can do this when
you understand that part of the sickness of alcoholism is the underlying
emotional pain harbored within the alcoholic. Loved ones are usually a
scapegoat and temporary outlet for the alcoholic to emotionally unload
their demons on, so to speak. I know this first hand because I have been
there and done that. Remember, most of what comes out of the mouth of an alcoholic is the
addiction talking. Never take what they say as the gospel truth. When the
alcoholic drinks they think they know everything and they may try and get
you to believe in the lies and manipulation they are forcing on you. This
is how the loved one or enabler becomes sick with the alcoholic. They
believe what the alcoholic tells them, at least for a while. Alcoholics favorite quotes are: “I am not an alcoholic”. “I can stop drinking anytime.” “I promise I will never drink again” “You are the one with the problem, not me”. “I only drink to unwind” “Oh no, I don’t have a drinking problem”. “I drink because you treat me bad”. “I’ll stop drinking when you stop ____”. Even though none of the above is true the alcoholic may truly believe
that what they tell you is true. In their mind, if they are in denial,
they may actually believe they can quit just because they say so, but
unfortunately addiction doesn’t work like that. One thing that confuses the alcoholic is when you start taking care of
yourself, such as reading the bible, praying for them, going to ALANON
classes and taking up hobbies. When they see that you are getting
emotionally and spiritually well and not letting what they do or say
distress you, they will really be miffed. Walking away or going into another room of the home when the alcoholic
starts on a rampage will really annoy them. They expect and even want for
you to fight and argue back, scream, yell, cry, or drink with them, not
walk away. Don’t give them a reaction except for letting them know that
you are not going to go down with them into the alcoholism trap. By all means, let the alcoholic know that you moving on
with your life without them. Let them see you becoming emotionally and
spiritually well. Nine times out of ten this stirs the conscience within
them to start taking responsibility for their problem. They have to want
to get sober for themselves and not for you or
anyone else. If you are separated from the alcoholic now because of abuse it is best
to make sure the alcoholic has been sober for a full year before they move
back into the home. He or she needs to be sober for a while
to get used to dealing with life on life’s terms. Much healing needs to
happen for the alcoholic. Hopefully after a year of sobriety the alcoholic is not just sober, but
has healed emotionally, spiritually and physically from the triggers that
made them crave the drink in the first place. Deep inner healing needs to
take place within the alcoholic before the alcoholic can actually manage
happily without drinking. This is called total sobriety. Emotional and physical addiction is the areas you will want to look into
before total sobriety can be achieved. Know the difference. There is
sobriety and then there is total sobriety. Anyone can become sober but not
everyone can achieve total sobriety and that’s because they still need
inner healing, whatever that may be. Many sober alcoholics continue to go to alcoholic’s anonymous years
after sobriety. What for? Because it is a crutch they hang onto to keep
them from drinking. Other crutches might be another addiction such as sex
or food. This is not total sobriety but just a person barely getting by
without a drink. That’s sad. God created us to be whole people with the ability to love others and be
happy without being a slave to sin, which is what addiction is. We make
ourselves become the people we are because of our past and future
environments and events and people in our lives. How we manage these
circumstances will produce in us the person we become. If we handle our problems from our own understanding we will walk in err
because our own understanding is almost always flawed. We need God in our
lives! God does not make
alcoholics—we choose what our life is going to be. How we manage
life’s problems and how we have managed past problems in our life
creates a certain lifestyle for us. This lifestyle is made through
our choices.
Take care and God Bless! Angie and Frank Heaven Ministries ~ Marriage Healing Ministry Marriage God's Way!! ********************************** Copyright
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The
Alcoholism Trap: Complete book on alcohol addiction in two parts. The
first part is written for the alcoholic. Why does the alcoholic drink and
how they can beat alcohol addiction for good! The second part is written
for the loved one (enabler/rescuer) of an alcoholic. Do you feel trapped
with the alcoholic? Do you feel like you are married to a Jekyl and Hyde?
You're not alone. You can break free when you stop trying to rescue the
alcoholic and rescue you instead!