|Marriage Alive! Newsletter|
& Frank's Video's
Ask Angie: I am with my husband for 23 years now I am a Christian and not my husband, he cheats and have 5 kids with 3 different women we have 8 kids together and now he is still cheating and has moved out. Would it be wrong if I divorce him?
Marriage Guidance: Dear friend in the Lord; you are married to an unbeliever. We're sorry that so many marriages are going through such painful problems as this. It is God's will that if our unbelieving spouse divorces us then we remain unmarried or reconcile back with them. What you must do is get yourself strong in the Lord and ask God what His will is for you as a woman who is separated from her unbelieving husband. God has a plan and a purpose for you.
If your spouse leaves the marriage it can be a devastating time. Sometimes they may want to get a divorce and bring papers for you to sign. But God says we are not to divorce an unbelieving spouse. In marriage, even if only one spouse is a believer, God says the marriage is sanctified and set apart for His purpose.
Let not the wife depart from her husband: But if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. (1 Corinthians 7:10,11)
Understand that the transgression is not that our spouse divorced us, but that we remarried. If a husband or wife divorces you, what can you do but "let the unbelieving spouse go", you are not in bondage to them any longer". You can't make someone stay married to you. But you can control what you do after your spouse divorces you. (1 Corinthians 7:15)
You cannot make an unbelieving spouse stay in the
marriage. But there are a few things you can do to help
them to see their erring ways, and come to Christ. Be an example to the
unbelieving spouse. Being a good influence has far greater spiritual power
than you think.
Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak
knees. Make level paths for your feet, so that the lame may not be
disabled, but rather healed. (Hebrews 12:12,13 NIV)
Believers have a responsibility to the marriage if they are truly living for Christ, as they claim to be. Your example should make it easier for your spouse to believe in and follow Jesus. If your example makes the unbelieving spouse confused and misled, they will not see Jesus in you. Sometimes you might not feel well enough spiritually or emotionally to be a good example for your spouse, and this is why you need to always stay focused on Christ for your own strength and comfort. If you need emotional and spiritual healing, ask Jesus and He will provide for your needs. Then you can use that strength to help the unbelieving spouse find their way back home again where they belong.
Make every effort to live in peace with all men and
to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. (Hebrews 12:14 NIV)
Pray constantly for the unbelieving spouse. Let them
see their erring ways not by what you say to them but by how you live your
own life. In many instances it is good to bring their erring ways to their
attention in a good way so as to restore him or her to God. Don’t
talk the self-righteous story with them by telling them how sinful or
rotten they are. Don’t say you are a Christian and they are not. This
kind of behavior will make them run from you as fast as they can.
“If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he
repents, forgive him. If he sins against you seven times in a day, and
seven times comes back to you and says, ‘I repent,’ forgive him.”
(Luke 17:3,4 NIV)
Last but not least, and I think this is very
important, do not allow the unbelieving spouse to take advantage of your
good graces and mercy. There will be times you will need to detach from
them and you can do this in a loving way. If they are doing something that
goes against your conscience, do not be a part of it or allow it to carry
on in your presence. Be humble but strong. Be
discerning but compassionate. Be careful that the unbeliever does not
bring you down with them. Always stay focused on the Lord and He will keep
you protected and strong in your time of suffering and need.
Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” (Isaiah 30:21 NIV)
What I am
about to tell you is NOT a new concept, although you will not get this
kind of advice very often when dealing with a cheating spouse, not even
from your pastor. If you are suspicious of your spouse then your marriage
is already in trouble. Why wait to find out if they are actually cheating?
Why not do something about your marriage while you can?
Stop Being Suspicious and Fix Your Marriage
If you are
living your life in suspicion of your spouse then the marriage has an
issue that is not getting remedied by either one of you. This issue needs
to get remedied immediately before a spouse does cheat, cheats again, or
you cheat. That’s right, you read that right, “you cheat”.
Are you still
dating or are you married? I ask this because in the dating relationship
it is almost a given that someone is going to cheat, whether emotional or
physical—its engraved within the dating attitude. But in a marriage
relationship being suspicious of one another and cheating should not be
going on and married couples should NOT be living their marriage in such a
reckless way. It is wasteful, disrespectful, impractical, ungodly and
immature and leads to divorce.
What Can You Do if Your Spouse is Cheating?
suspicions and cheating should be left back at the dating scene, or else
don’t get married. If we are married then we have to grow up and be
accountable, firstly to God and then secondly to our spouse. When one
spouse thinks the other is cheating it sometimes means they are doing
something that would merit cheating themselves by attracting the opposite
dress in revealing clothing. Or maybe you chat with the opposite sex on
social network sites or maybe you just can’t keep your eyes and
flirtatious escapades in your own fence. Now who is the cheater? Is it the
one who is cheating or the other spouse who is also cheating but they
don’t want to admit it. In other words, it’s all cheating, whether
physical or emotional, and do you want to know why? Because it is in your
attitude, in your persona, and how you carry yourselves, that’s why.
put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt
according to the deceitful lusts; And be renewed in the spirit of your
mind. And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in
righteousness and true holiness”. Ephesians 4:22, 23
Now for the
concept I was talking about in the first sentence of this article. Before
we can stop all of this suspicion, jealousies and cheating in marriage we
have to look at ourselves; we have to change our attitude and renew our
mind, meaning get rid of all the conditioning and brainwash that
circulates in society about the justification of these things. We
have to give our marriages to God! Don’t you know that God is the
Creator and Architect of Marriage? Why are you giving it to the world to
Stop Focusing All of Your Attention on Cheating Spouse
Let’s start by doing what Jesus did when the people wanted to stone the adulterous woman in John chapter eight. “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.” Do you think that just because you did not commit the physical act of adultery that you are better than your spouse in this area? Jesus is saying, “stop focusing on other people’s sins and look at yourself”.
Jesus is not
condoning adultery, but Jesus is saying to take care of your own sins,
change yourself, so perhaps you can be a light of God for the cheating
spouse. We are not here to condemn but to love, and so first we must
learn how to love in the way that Christ has shown His love for us
through the forgiveness of our sins.
Start Focusing on Yourself
What can you
change about yourself? How can your example shine a light on your spouse
so they may follow your lead? Do you dress to please your ego or God? Do
you flirt with the opposite sex? Do you have opposite sex
friends without your spouse? Do you behave in ways that would give your
spouse reason to think you do not care about them? Many people do not
realize that their very actions merit suspicion by their spouse and could
even give justification for a spouse to cheat!
Heal Your Attitude and Restore Your Marriage
attitude and restore your marriage! Healing takes place when we repent
(give up living for self) and get right with God through forgiveness of
our past lifestyle. In other words, we have to stop living the sinful
lifestyle. Change your attitude and renew your mind. Keep your eyes in
your own marriage and ask God to help you to love your spouse in the right
ways, according to His design. In other words, get the healing you
need so your Godly influence may help your spouse too.
In other words, get the healing you need so your Godly influence may help your spouse too.
not need to cheat on each other, they just need to learn how to enjoy each
other in every which way, rather than seek attention, admiration and
praise from others. No one admires you more than God himself; let God
admire His wonderful works in you! Live your life for God! BTW, it takes
two to tango, send this article to your spouse today!
not commit adultery: But I say unto you, that whosoever looketh on a woman
(man) to lust after her (him) hath committed adultery with her (him)
already in his (her) heart.” (Matthew 5:27,28)
You can help
your spouse stop cheating indirectly by your behavior. Below
are ten sure-fire ways to help your spouse to stop cheating. These
principles can be used for the cheating spouse as well as for the loved
one of an unfaithful spouse. People cheat because they lack the spiritual
Christ in their life. Unfaithfulness has to do with still living to please
self rather than to please God. Put these principles to work in your
personal and married life. God gives us life and shows us how to lead a
pleasing life for Him.
Respect Your Spouse
Did you know that couples disrespect one another on a daily basis and don’t even know it? Being disrespected in our marriage gives those who are weak in their faith justification for being unfaithful whether physically or emotionally. People want to feel good about who they are and if they are not getting that recognition from the one they married they will ultimately look for it elsewhere. The truth is we ought to be getting our emotional needs met through the power of Christ living in us, the Holy Spirit.
Still, we should never blame our spouse for our moral
weaknesses because no matter what they do, it is not their fault that a
spouse cheats. Those people who are unfaithful in their marriage need
God's healing to help them to find their purpose for living.
When we wear revealing clothing, or when we flirt
with, look at, or think lustful thoughts about the opposite sex we are
disrespecting the person God created us to be. God created us in His
image; therefore we should glorify God with our body, mind and spiritual
self. God lives in us but when we do these things we are dishonoring
Christ. We may mean no harm when we show off our body or flirt with the
opposite sex but it says that “we are available” to others.
Be a Good Example
Do you suspect your spouse of cheating? Did you know
that you are probably just as suspicious to them? The truth is those
people who are suspicious of their spouse actually do not trust
themselves. If we cannot trust ourselves around the opposite sex, how on
earth are we supposed to trust our spouse? Make sense?
What can you change in the way you behave and carry
yourself to let your spouse see a positive change in you? It does not
matter if you are the one cheating or not, what matters is that you are
pleasing God with your lifestyle. Make it your purpose in life, from a
spiritual standpoint, to please God with the way you live and be a good
example to others, especially to the man or woman you married.
Be Accountable to God
Why do some people think they have no accountability,
and that they can do whatever they please? All people, even unbelievers
will be accountable to God one day, so why not be accountable now? Be
accountable to God with your behavior first and then you will
undoubtedly be accountable to yourself and to your spouse. If we live our
life to please God than we fulfill the law of accountability with the man
or woman we married. Do you see how that works?
Ask God For Help
Pride keeps us from seeking God because we honestly
think we don’t need Him. But the truth is, we all NEED God because He
makes us who we can become. Jesus gives us life! Without Christ we are
nothing. If you ask Christ to help you with temptation He will help you
but you have to let down your pride and ask. Jesus is God and from Him we
receive our life!
“I am the vine, and ye are the branches. He that
abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit. For
without me can ye do nothing.” John 15:5
Frank and Angie
Heaven Ministries ~ Marriage Healing Ministry
© 2002 - 2010 Heaven Ministries
To unsubscribe from the Heaven Ministries Newsletter Click here and type in unsubscribe in the subject