Pre-Marriage
Preparedness
Pre-Marriage
Questions
Compatibility
Guidelines
Articles
Sex
or Love
Do
Opposites Attract
Do I know Myself?
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Go to Heaven
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Pre-Marriage
Preparedness.
For women
Do you notice the faults of your future
husband and are you willing to accept those faults after you are married?
Do you think that you can change him to
meet your expectations?
Don't rush into marriage expecting your
husband to change or that you can change him. This isn't going to
happen.
Think of it like this, what you see now is
what you get later on. Of course he will grow and change as the marriage
grows, but so will you.
Many things can happen during marriage.
Your Knight might fall off his horse and be unable to get back up. If your
Knight continues to err in the relationship, what will you do?
Are you prepared to give more of
yourself-in all areas of the marriage if your Knight continues to fall?
What if you fall?
Know what your position will be in the
marriage. Will you go to college, work, or stay home?
Does your future husband agree with your
choices?
know what you want for yourself. Have
you both agreed on what position each will take in the responsibilities of
marriage?
Do not get married thinking that you have
found your knight in shinning armor. There is always another knight out
there some where that you are more compatible with.
My Grandma used to tell me, "There is
lots of fish in the sea."
Don't leave home and rush into marriage because you're having problems
with your parents. Try to work things out at home.
I know it is very hard to stay at home with
parents who seem to be restricting your activities and social life. It is
only because they love you and don't want anything to happen to you in the
big wicked world.
One day, you too will be a parent and then
you will understand.
But until that time, be mature enough to
hang in there-getting married because you are having problems at home will
not cure your emotional problems or help your future marriage either.
Know what you want for yourself before
marriage.
Knowing before hand what you need and want
will save you from stressful warfare within the marriage later on.
Speak up now
about any known issues you have had with your future spouse or forever
hold your peace.
Know in your heart that you are prepared
emotionally and mentally to withstand the tensions and upheavals of
marriage.
Realize the man you marry will be your
husband for life. If you can't see this as a future realism of the
"whole Picture" then you are not ready for marriage.
Most men, want to be treated like a man. It
is in their instincts to protect and defend their wife and family.
Value this great responsibility in your
husband and respect this position from him.
Give him the freedom to be the man of the
house, as it should be.
If you are unsure if you can give your man
the manly respect he needs in your marriage, then I would reconsider the
marriage. submission
article
Here are three pre-marriage issues that you might
overlook before getting married:
- Ask your future husband more questions about
himself.
- Don't ignore the Warning signs of potential
problems later on.
- Put Commitment first before anything else.
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Do
Opposites Attract
Do opposites really attract? I
believe there is some truth to this saying, but I also believe that people
of like-mind attract each other just the same. A secure marriage takes
more than being an "opposite type" or of being of
"like-mind" though. The people in the marriage need to
grow and work together, not apart if it is to sustain itself.
Opposites will attract and can
have a happy marriage as long as they can actually "give" of
themselves through the acceptance of their differences.
I think opposites attract
because of the unpredictability of the other, it keeps the marriage on
"alert." But a happy marriage needs the people in it to be
secure and happy with themselves to be able to give of themselves
instead of to be in need of the other.
Compatibility questions?
If your future husband is an avid hunter
and you are involved in the conservation of animals, will you be
compatible? I think not. But I believe that if you
"give" of yourself through supporting your partner's hunting
habits instead of trying to change him then the marriage can work. But he
in turn must support you in your animal conservation efforts as well. This
doesn't mean you need to physically involve yourself, but support each
other through acceptance.
What if your future wife wants four
children and you don't want children, how compatible is that? Not very
compatible. This is a major issue and I would advice not getting married.
What if your future husband wants you to
stay home, raise children and bake bread, but you want to have a career
and not have any children, is that compatible? No it is not, and
again, this can become a major problem in the home if it isn't cleared up
before marriage. Some men just don't want their wives to work and so
should be looking for a wife with more traditional values.
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Freedom
To Be You
I believe that two people can be totally
different in thinking and believing on many major issues and the marriage
still survive. It all boils down to the people in it. If they have
discussed their differences through the acceptance of each other, they
have essentially given each the freedom to be who they are. Because of
this the marriage is happy, alive and FREE.
This issue of differences only becomes a
problem when self righteous behavior, and or insecurity issues
develop and stops the marriage and people in it from further growth.
A major issue in marriage
today is when one partner ceases to grow while the other partner continues
to grow, spiritually, mentally and socially.
What happens when one partner
stops growing in the marriage is the lack of compatibility. The
partners stop sharing and giving and the love diminishes.
In essence, this calamity is
losing touch with each other. Marriage can not sustain itself without the
natural qualities being acted upon from the people within the marriage.
When one partner is growth
stunted, they can become needy and clingy of the other. They can not give
of themselves because they don't know how. They are still enmeshed with
past hurts and their highly emotional child-like qualities cease to grow
with the marriage. They are essentially living for the past, instead
of for the future. Alcoholism and addiction will typically do the same
thing to the marriage. This puts tremendous strain on the partner who is
secure and confident in themselves and their position.
If you aren't growing with
your partner in the progression of the marriage, your partner may tell you
that they don't know you anymore. Your character traits and personality
change as you begin to experience and discover new things. Maybe you don't
see eye to eye on everything like you once did and you begin to move in
separate ways- living for your own life, instead of moving towards the
same goals and rewards. What you once shared together as a team has
dissolved. Dissention and resentment develop and you become unhappy. This
is what I call falling and not picking yourself back up, as I mentioned
earlier.
This might sound pessimistic
to you, but it is not. This is REALITY. Reality is being able to envision
the "whole picture" of marriage and all that comes with it.
Marriage takes work and so you must be willing to work it.
Compatibility
Guidelines
Guideline # 1
Know what you are striving for in your marriage. What will your
responsibilities be. Who will you be in the marriage? Talk your answers
over with your future partner. Set boundaries for yourself-be in control
of who you are.
It is true, marriage is a union of two
that establish a system of one, but you are both still individuals with
different needs and wants. If you don't know what your position will be
then you're not ready to get married and you certainly won't get any
support from your partner when times get tough when you don't understand
yourself. If you don't know what you want how will they?
This is why I stress how important it
is to understand yourself and know what it is that you want for yourself.
Agree on the roles and responsibilities
that you will share in the marriage. Get to know what it is your future
spouse would like to achieve as far as goals.
Guideline # 2
Know what your partner wants for himself/herself and apply this to what
you want. Will you be supportive of your mates choices?
Will you be accepting of your differences? Even if you now agree on
many major issues, people do change through growth and you need to be
prepared for that change and either evolve and or accept.
~~
Above all, if you do not know God now,
please seek out His wisdom and guidance in all that you do.
God's design for marriage is meant to
be honored by both in the marriage. By using the foundations set forth in
the bible you will have a happy and content filled marriage.
It is important to do things to show
your love to your husband, and those things may mean to give up something
that you want. But that is ok. Learn to be unselfish and you will see that
God will bring it back to you ten fold.
Commitment is very important in
marriage!! The promise you made with your husband on the day of your
marriage is meant to be kept holy and sacred and never to be broken.
This is what commitment is all about!
Honor, respect, and love your husband.
Submit to your husbands spiritual counsel and you will see the benefits
flowing back to you from within.
Please read article on submission.
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Pre-Marriage
Preparedness.
For men
A happy marriage is like two flowers that
continually germinate and develop stronger roots as the years progress.
An unhappy marriage is like two flowers who once
were, but they ceased to germinate and the roots withered away.
Are you ready to germinate with the Princess of your
dreams for the rest of your life?
Marriage is about growing with your spouse. Both of
you must grow, learn and discover at the same tempo and then share together
what you have learned and discovered.
Know who you are and what you want for yourself and
marriage? What position will you be taking in the marriage? Are you the
take-charge type who likes to make all the major decisions? If so let your
future wife know this in advance.
Marriage needs love to sustain it's being. Women
need and want love in different ways then a man.
Are you ready to support your future wife's
emotional needs?
When she wants to be held, touched and coddled, will
you do that?
Are you going to be there for her and really listen
when she needs a shoulder to cry on.
Your future wife will want her concerns validated
more than receive advice from you.
Do you know who the future woman is
that you are marrying?
Have you spent considerable time together and have
found that you are compatible on the spiritual, social and mental level?
Do you share in the same activities?
Have you made provisions to financially protect your
marriage and or family incase something happens to you or your career/job?
What issues, if any have crept up between you and
your future wife that might triple-fold after the wedding? Speak up now
about any issues that have led to problems in the pre-marriage, or forever
hold your peace.
Be respectful and considerate at all times. Don't
let your anger get the best of you, don't let the emotions of anger
control your being. If you find this hard to do-walk away until you
can maintain considerate composure.
Give of yourself instead of holding back. Let her
know who you are and what you want. Your wife will yearn to have all of
you-not just a part of you.
Women are often categorized or labeled as naggers
and complainers and this may be true, but one reason for this attack is
that women call for more emotionally than a man, such as validation to
complete themselves.
A woman is more likely to look up to her husband and
family for completeness of herself, while a man looks up to his
peers, father, workplace, etc.
This is the difference of male and female and of
course the traditional way of how the sexes are brought up.
I believe a great pre-marriage assignment would be
the thorough study of the differences of the opposite sex. It is
what we don't understand that we can't fix or work on.
Any marriage in any condition can be
repaired if the people in it understand each other.
Do I know Myself?
As you attempt to answer these questions about
yourself, know that there is no right or wrong in your answers.
If answered truthfully, your answer is right-because
it is who you are. After you have answered them, share them with your
future mate. Your answers are the essence of your being and what you
believe yourself to be.
Who Am I?
Where Am I Going?
What do I believe in?
What do I value for my life and
marriage?
Sex
or Love
Men attain their peaceful feeling in
marriage through the gratification of sex. Of course there is a bit more
to it than that. It is through sex that men release the tensions of the
day and repair emotional feelings of ill will within the marriage. It
might be true that some men will pick a fight with their wife just for the
gratification of making up afterwards.
Sexual intimacy brings love into the
heart of a man. Women enjoy sex too, but it is not where they find love.
For women it is more of an emotional need to feel loved by their
man and to know that they are loved. The act of sex then becomes
love and that's where the saying "making love" comes in. A
woman will put all of her being into the act of love-making. A woman
doesn't just want to have sex, she wants to "make love." She
not only wants to hear love, but wants to see love with her eyes and be
loved.
A man likes all this too, but it's not
as important as the sexual act itself. And this is okay when one realizes
this to be true of all heterosexual males, not just "your
husband."
Unfortunately many women feel unloved
and invalidated because of this abruptness in the marriage bedroom.
This means for the husband to take a
little bit more time to show you care through your feelings and to make
more of an effort to let your wife know she is loved by you.
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Am
I Really In Love?
I don't believe in love at first
sight-there is no such thing. The desire you feel for someone shows itself
in the form of lust. Lust is sexual, while love involves being sexual at
times, but is not the "whole picture."
Lust can progress into love or it
can't. The feeling one gets when being "in lust" mimics
love, but doesn't share the same qualities and behaviors as love does.
If you are fairly new in your
relationship and don't really know your partner, the novelty of lust gives
off the feeling in the brain and body of love, but is probably only lust.
Lust can last for several years before
it disintegrates, so be careful in your desire of wills. Unfortunately if
you marry real young and not yet sure of yourself, lust, looks, acts, and
feels just like love.
Being "in lust" for someone
and being "in love" are two different things. Lust can survive
without sharing, giving and compassion, love can not. Lust is a selfish
desire, while love is a giving desire. If your partner has sex to fulfill
only their desire, they are in lust of the moment, not love.
Lust doesn't see the whole picture of
marriage with seriousness, but rather sees only what it wants to see. Lust
can easily give off the impression of love for sometime, but soon lust
disintegrates into a dead end marriage or relationship. Many incompatible
marriages survive only on lust, but are unbearably unhappy.
Love on the other hand is a growth
process that two people share through giving and receiving. One does not
instantly fall "in love" like you read in Harlequin Romance
books or what you watch on TV.
It may be that the image you see of the
knight or knightess in shining armor, will become the wicked witch of OZ
later on.
Time and growth with each other brings
about the development of being "in love." To be in
love with someone you must share the same things and utilize the
natural qualities that you both might possess. Such as sharing, caring,
compassion and giving of your self. All of these traits require
action to accomplish.
When you act upon your
compassion or act upon your giving, you are essentially being
loving.
When this course of action between two
people is balanced then the process of loving comes in to realism and you
can say that you are "in love" with someone. One must give of
themselves to know what love is.
What I mean when I use the word
"give" is not giving monetarily or materialistically, but giving
of oneself through acceptance and tolerance. Marriages that do not
give of themselves in this fashion have a hard time relating to each other
and that is when they grow apart.
Depending on the condition of the
marriage and the people in it, love can take years to accomplish. Giving
of oneself is the hardest for most people to accomplish in the marriage.
It's easy to buy your wife a bunch of flowers, box of candy and take her
out to dinner, but it's hard to accept her for the way she is.
Both of these take action to accomplish
one takes money and the other takes love.
Real love, which is unconditional can
sometimes never show up in marriage because of the circumstances of
the partners.
Some people can't love because they
don't love themselves. They don't really know how to give of themselves to
another person. If they are "inside of themselves," they can't
give of themselves, therefore can't love either.
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Pre-Marriage
Questions
1. Why do I want to get married? Is love
enough to keep my marriage together? Do I even know what love is?
2. Who am I in this
marriage? What position will I take in this marriage?
3. Do I agree with the role and position of my wife
to-be?
4. Am I willing to handle the bad times as well as
the good in my marriage?
5. Am I sure I love this person or am I in temporary
lust?
6. Am I, (we) financially ready to get married?
7. What qualities do I see in myself to assist
positively in my marriage.
8. Am I prepared to raise a family?
9. Will I allow my partner the freedom to be
themselves-to think and feel on their own, without trespassing on their
being? Do I accept my partner for who they are?
10. If you can't accept a portion of your future
wife before marriage, will you after you have been married for 3 or 4
years?
11. Have I set boundaries of what I will and will
not tolerate by my future wife?
Commitment is very important in
marriage!! The promise you made with your husband on the day of your
marriage is meant to be kept holy and sacred and never to be broken.
This is what commitment is all about!
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