Heaven Ministries 
Issue # 6    
2002 March/April

Articles

Making Your Marriage More Fun

Happiness comes From Within

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Articles

Making Your Marriage More Fun

Happiness comes From Within

*****

E-book
On discovering self

You can do all things through Him that strengthens you.
Philippians 3:14

Making Your Marriage More Alive & Fun!

Is your marriage heading into the doldrums? Do you do the same things every night after work?  Marriage doesn't have to be boring, after all, there is so many different ways to apply fun and pleasure into the relationship that I am surprised more people don't do just that.

I think that we are so accustomed to the familiar day to day living that to change our schedules and do something different doesn't really sound like very much fun. Is it worth the time and effort to do something different?  Absolutely!! Once you are involved in something different and fun with your partner, you will be glad that you decided to turn off the TV.

Bring out the creative person you are and bring your marriage alive! Below are just a few things I have drummed up while working on this newsletter that you can do from home together without breaking the pocketbook. Try and do something different from your ordinary schedule at least once or twice a week and watch your marriage come alive. Doing things together like those listed below will bring  the bonds between you and your partner closer.

• Play a board game with your partner instead of watching TV (scrabble, Clue, etc.)

• Take a leisurely stroll around your neighborhood

• Listen to some Jazz music and have an intimate conversation with your mate

• Instead of dinners indoors, have a picnic and eat outdoors

• Get on the floor together and do stretch exercises

• Take turns reading out loud an interesting book that you both like.

• Make your own home movie or music CD

• Cook a scrumptious meal together

Here are a few things you and you partner can do together away from home

• See a movie or a play at the theater

• Go to the beach or mountains for the weekend or longer if permissible

• Take up a hobby together, such as sailing or photography, you name it the world is yours

• Spend the night in a hotel in your hometown (make sure they have a Jacuzzi)

• Take up roller skating or ice skating (fun way to keep those legs in shape)

When we feel like our marriage is heading into the doldrums and we kind of feel like we are in a rut of sorts it means it is time to share more of your self with your partner, sharing activities and other pleasurable times together will not only bring you closer to your partner, but will help you to remember who your partner is. Often times, we don't realize the growth process that has taken place over the years and we lose touch with our partner-so turn off that TV and get to know each other again through sharing of yourself.

Above all, while doing these things together, remember to always share the best part of yourself with your partner. There is no better gift of love that you can give your partner than your willingness to accept them just the way they are.  Acceptance is love. By showing tolerance, understanding and patience with your mate, the marriage can endure through the tough times as well as the good.

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Happiness Comes From Within Yourself.
"You can love your spouse again and be happy as if you were first married
by applying your positive self to the marriage"

That's what I said----YOUR POSITIVE SELF!

We all want love. We want to be loved, cherished and adored by someone until death do us part. And some of us actually attain this idealism usually later on in life and marriage. But how is this possible? We all have a positive side to us. Sometimes we just don't use it, know how to use it or forget how to use it. If we are unhappy it is because we have been using more of our negative self to deal with issues in our marriage and relationships.

Those men and woman who love their partner unconditionally and cherish and adore them through all of their faults and liabilities are those who are not only happy and content, but are accepting in nature. Acceptance is Love. The lover has a content and unflustered heart and what is generated from that heart is unconditional love. The lovee is probably very giving and unselfish as well, but that does not mean they themselves have never placed demands on their love.

Marriage is not perfect, therefore accept that there will be problems at some point in time during the union.  It is how one deals with those issues which will inevitably make or break personal happiness. When we become too attached to the inner being of our partner and focus all our energy on them-we make our own unhappiness even worse. This is because we expect them to change to make us happy.  But this is selfish thinking.

As part of human nature, I would guess that at least 95% of people place unwanted demands and bargains on the table when they love. "Okay, I'll give you sex tonight if you will not go out with the guys." or "I won't go out with the guys anymore if you will quit your job." If all has been settled appropriately for the lover, they will then agree to love in the best way they know how. Much more can be said about "conditional love" but not in this newsletter. see previous newsletter on conditional love.

On the other side of the coin, without being too extreme, if we are continually unhappy, angry, frustrated or resentful over our marriage, we will invariably love our mate with these emotional burdens on our backs.  When we bring these negative emotions into the marriage, we end-up placing conditions and demands onto our partner, without even realizing it, just so we can feel better-totally forgetting about our partners feelings. If only "they would change", we think everything will be okay. Have we ever asked ourselves, "what is it that I can do to change to make me happy?"  By humbling ourselves and letting go of negative emotions we can remarkably improve the outlook of our attitudes, which invariably rubs off onto the marriage.

It is through our negative emotions that we bring unhappiness onto ourselves. Until we realize this and stop blaming our partner we will continue to be plagued by discontentment. The key here is acceptance.  Learning to accept the differences in others is the key to success for a peaceful life. On the opposite end, what we don't accept we will invariably try to change and control. Some of us may go through our whole lives unhappy while trying to change others.

Sometimes we don't want to look at ourselves-afraid of what we might see. If we always find fault with our partner and blame them for the problems in the relationship, than we are free from faults. We truly think, we're the good guys and we'll do anything to stay that way, even if it means hiding our real selves from others and pretending to be something we are not. Eventually this kind of thinking leads to divorce. The grass may look greener on the other side, but it browns out over a short period of time.  If a person is unhappy and miserable, they will remain that way in any relationship, no matter who they are with, until they change their own negative outlook.

We might think, "If she would only see life the way I do, she would love me." or "If he would stop working so hard maybe he would have more time to love me." But this kind of thinking is wrong. When we think like this our actions aren't positive in how we deal with many issues in our relationship. We must try and think what is it, "I can do for the relationship" and start taking the vocal point off our partner. Give them freedom to be who they are. Not only is this kind of thinking behaving selfishly, but it is so unfair to the partner who is taking this emotional abuse.

What is the solution?
Try applying the positive side of yourself that you have, such as realizing that your partner did not cause your unhappiness and remember for every flaw your partner has, you also have flaws.  Problems in relationships happen because of negative emotions and the inability to accept differences. knowing this, work at seeing what you can do for yourself and happiness will invariably come to the marriage as well.

We all need to look into and through ourselves for the happiness and  peace we crave. We can not change our partner, but we can change our own outlook on life and ourselves by realizing it is through our Creator that we bring happiness into our heart, mind and soul. Once it has entered our inner being, there is no other way to be but positive.  This constructive thinking can then be used in every aspect of the marriage for complete contentment and peace.

Don't forget that as much as a person attempts to gain happiness through others, they will only end up disappointed. Stop searching for something that you already have. Happiness is found within yourself, start using it!

Understand that total contentment and peace of heart is gained through God. It is through faith that God gives us the tools we need to take on life and be happy here on earth. Once you have learned to achieve this contentment and can sustain it through your faith is when you can bring your peace onto your partner for the benefit of the marriage. 

Ironically, you must try and find ways to make your partner happy for your own happiness. When we do find peace and contentment within ourselves, we no longer need to find it through others, such as our partner. This frees them to be happy - no one wants a rope tied around their necks. A good marriage is one that is accepting of each other.

Have a question or comment about this newsletter? email me

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