Marriage: Desperate Matters
Copyright © Heaven Ministries


Sometimes married people email me when they are desperate, and want a solution to their problems right away. If a spouse left them, they want to know how to win them back. If a spouse is in the depths of addiction, they want to know how to get them to stop the addiction. If a spouse commits sexual sin against the marriage, they want to know how to forgive, so they can hurry up and “feel” better.

I let them know that my position is not to tell them what to do, but rather to encourage and guide them in the direction they need to go through that encouragement. I let them know ahead of time, there is no fast solution to fixing their marital issues.  I can steer them on the right path, but they have to walk that path. All of these marital issues should be rectified through the workings of the Lord. 

Ultimately, the end results come from their faith in God and how far they are willing to allow the power of Christ to go to work in their hearts and minds. What are you willing to do to save your marriage? Are you willing to focus on what YOU can do to change yourself, and bring harmony into the marriage? Are you willing to give of yourself without asking for anything in return? Are you willing to ask for forgiveness for yourself so you can forgive your spouse?

A biggy in marriage is when couples wait until they are desperate to do something about their marriage instead of resolving problems as they come up. Many problems in marriage become compounded and multiply until the marriage hardly has any hope left. I have seen this happen over and over again, and then in desperation couples want a miraculous restoration of the marriage!

Well, it doesn’t work like that.  The longer couples wait to work on marital issues, the more difficult it will be to restore the marriage. Overtime, couples lose touch with each other, and they talk to outside influences about their marital problems, all the while getting reassured they are indeed married to the wrong person and to leave them. Or they become intimately involved with someone else, etc.  These situations always give couples validation for leaving the marriage. 

The most beneficial method for dealing with issues in marriage is to resolve them as soon as possible. Don’t sweep problems under the rug and then feel resentful about it later. If you need to forgive, forgive. If you need to stop doing something that you know to be wrong, stop doing what is wrong. If you need to apologize for something you did, apologize, if you feel a certain way about something, talk about it. Don’t let negative and destructive feelings dictate your actions.

The most beneficial way to handle marital issues is from the foundation of the Creator of marriage. No one cares more about your marriage than God.  Ask God – He will provide.

“I am the vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit, he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain on the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. “I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” (John 15:1-5 NIV)