Learn To Reconcile Differences And Stay Married

Heaven Ministries Copyright © 2007

 

I believe we make marriage out to be more complex and difficult than it really is.  Itís very true; no one gets married and knows everything there is to know about marriage, it is an ongoing growth process that we learn to share ourselves with the person we married.

Reality is once we are married we have to think about the concerns of another person as well as our own. Itís not just about us anymore. If we can get that idea into our head and keep it there then I believe that any and all irreconcilable differences can be reconciled. Here are some of the more common Irreconcilable differences.

She Is Too Bossy and Controlling

Have you ever thought about why she may be bossy and controlling? Are you appreciating all that your wife does for you and the rest of the family?  Is your wife the only one doing the tango, is that what you are saying? We so often want to blame our spouse for the disarray of the marriage but it is both spouses unable to come to amicable agreements on issues.

He Loves His Friends More Than Me

This is not true! What is true though is he would probably rather be with people during his off time that treat him with respect and who does not badger him all the time. Guys hang around the guys so they can be ďwho they areĒ and have some peace of mind. If you tend to focus on your husband and his faults all the time, then maybe thatís why he is with his friends a lot.

She Wonít Get A Job

Give me a break! Anytime a wife wants to stay home and be a home creator she should be given her husbands blessing. God did not create woman to be a helpmate to other men and women in the workforce. He created woman to be a helpmate to her husband, period! Do you want your wife helping another man at work just so you can have a four-bedroom house instead of a three-bedroom house?

He Wonít Do Anything Around The House

So what? Wives should not complain because her man wonít load the dishwasher and vacuum the living room floor. If your husband is working all day providing for the family, why on earth would you expect him to come home and clean the house? You donít really need your husband to do any of the household chores anyway Ė you just feel resentful because you are the only one doing any chores. I know because I have been there before.  But that is an attitude problem that can be completely eradicated from your mind once you realize that it doesnít really matter that your husband doesnít want to help out around the house.

She Committed Adultery

Okay, and you looked and ten women last month in a lustful way. Put the stone away. Why would your wife have an affair? Do you not show her that you love her by appreciating her and by sharing yourself with her? A woman would not just go out and have an affair unless she feels unloved and under valued by you. Women arenít made like men, they donít have the same kinds of pleasure thoughts coming into their mind like a man does, they just want to be appreciated and loved.

He Doesnít Make Enough Money For The Lifestyle I Want

Money should never come between a husband and wife. When money becomes more important than the person you married, the marriage will always have problems. Itís time to grow up folks and take responsibility for your part in the marriage. Money does not bring happiness and never will but apparently people have to learn this lesson the hard way. The above attitude is how money becomes the root of all evil. It is an attitude thing. Instead of being content with what we have we are never content even when we have more.

She Wonít Have Sex With Me

Why would a wife not have sex with her husband? The only reason I can think of is because she feels used by her husband. For some reason she feels that sex is all her husband wants or needs from her. But it is not true. I think a lot of men just have a hard time expressing themselves, and if his wife is always rejecting him, he probably wonít feel like telling her how much he appreciates her.  Husbands need to express themselves to their wives because that is what she needs from you. The more you share yourself with her, the more she will share herself with you.

He Looks At Porn

When a husband looks at porn it will most likely keep him from needing and wanting his wife in a sexual and emotional way. Viewing porn takes a man away from his emotional troubles only temporarily, and this is why it becomes and addiction because they go back to it over and over again.

Addictions are all the same, the alcoholic goes back to booze because they cannot deal with life on lifeís terms, the glutton goes back to food to deal with emotional problems, and sex addict goes back to porn to deal with their emotional problems. All three, the booze, food, sex are secondary to the addiction, meaning they are only symptoms of an underlying issue going on within the addict and their inner emotional self.  We must be willing to look outside of ourselves for the answers we need and decide what source we are going to humble our lives to.

There are many more irreconcilable differences that can be rectified in marriage.

When you look in the mirror what do you see. Many of us see a person who can achieve whatever he or she sets it in their mind to do so, so then why is marriage so tough for most people to manage? It is because it is personal and about us and what we expect from the marriage. Do you know why divorce happens? Couples cannot see through the irreconcilable differences because that is all they focus on!

If you told your self over and over again how you canít get a long with your husband, and how his faults annoy you like a drippy faucet, and how he canít seem to do anything as good as you, you will actually start to believe it is true. But that is your opinion. That is the way you feel. Did you know that there are probably five women that you know that would love to have your man for their husband? Believe it. Donít think for a minute that what you see and feel in the man you married is what anyone else sees.

My point is we make our marriage what it is by our attitude. And we can make our marriage better by our attitude, and that is all it takes. Having big expectations is an attitude, a selfish one at that. Being demanding is an attitude problem. It is a problem because the person who is demanding never seems satisfied. They have not yet learned to give up their way as being the only way or the right way. The more disappointed they become the more demanding and controlling they get.

We reconcile differences by becoming unselfish Ė by giving in Ė by collaborating with the person we married. Not until we finally give up ďour way as the only wayĒ will we be able to actually reconcile any differences, itís really that simple. Marriage is not that hard, but we make it hard by being stubborn and intolerant, and that is something that we can grow out of as we learn to be compassionate and caring people.