I Married to a Bull?
By Angie Lewis
What do you get when you
pair two bulls together in one corral? An awful lot of head butting! A Marriage
in this predicament will most likely head straight into the mud.
All this means is couples
need to pick themselves up out of the mud, stop butting heads with each other
and start putting forth more effort in the reconnection department. Isnít your
relationship worth it?
Remember your spoken
thoughts at the altar as you looked into your spouseís eyes, and swore to
commit to each other through thick and thin?
If you feel unmarried or
not in a relationship anymore it is time to bring out that pre-marriage energy
and get reconnected and bond totally with your spouse.
Unfortunately, the culture of today makes the
domestic diva feel deprived and worthless. Consequently more and more of
these seemingly deprived women are jumping on the band wagon and establishing
careers, leaving the husband and children to tend for themselves, leaving
household duties and responsibilities unattended.
How can couples in marriage be united when
there are needs and desires that arenít getting met? How can couples profess to love each other when they are so
busy doing the selfish things each wants? Outside opportunities and trivial
desires keep couples from growing together in the marriage.
For example, a wife might have her own
career, friends and agenda, which keeps the husband from wanting to get close to
her, consequently he has his own buddies and sports games that he attends to,
leaving his wife with her own agenda.
The husband in this scenario thinks his wife
doesnít need, love or want him anymore, and when issues are challenged the
couples behave like two bulls, butting heads every chance they get.
Neither spouse is involved with the other
except for getting on each otherís back because the lack of organization
around the home. What chaos! Lack of household organization is great cause
for neediness and disruption around the house.
It is a natural instinct for a "real man" to want to be in charge of
the home and family, and to protect, love and care for his wife. But now-a-days
many women feel they do not need this from a man, and rebel against it. This is
very sad indeed for it is pushing away the design that God intentionally planned
What happens when Godís design gets messed
with? It doesnít work out, plain and simple.
Two bulls in one corral will cause tremendous
head butting! No marriage can withstand the pressures of two bullies harassing
each other. Nor can love be sustained when bulls go their separate ways either.
What can two bulls in marriage do?
First off, remember the commitment you made
with each other. Does that not mean something to you? Isnít it important to
remain committed to what you started?
Many important issues outside of marriage
need a commitment as well to be successful. Commitments are like striving to
reach our goals. If we donít put forth effort to attain the goals we make in
life, they will probably not get accomplished. We have to work towards our goals
to have them come to light.
Marriage is the same way; couples need to
continue to put forth effort to retain the love they once had in the marriage.
They have to work towards keeping the marriage built upon the promise
they made with their spouse in the beginning for the marriage to continue to
shine bright in the darkness.
Marriage is a never-ending journey.
When couples shut down and stop communicating
is when they really lose touch with each other. The other communication problem
I see a lot is couples not expressing feelings properly.
Most of the time feelings get in the way and
when an angry bull tries to communicate with another bull they head butt, by
accusing, blaming and finger pointing instead of talking. Those horns can play
This is emotional abuse in the third degree.
If we become angry and hostile it will close
our spouse down and issues will never get resolved. Here we go again, back
to square one.
When issues donít get resolved? They get stored away in the mental capacities
until a later date when they can be used to justify the next heated argument.
War of the bulls!
Unresolved issues turn into resentment, which
escalate into more head butting. Pretty soon, because of this, and not knowing
how to communicate properly, couples eventually learn to avoid issues they think
would cause emotional outbursts.
They have finally decided head butting
doesnít work and so they shut down totally. They feel it is better to just
keep things the way they are instead of confronting each other, which invariably
causes more frustration, resentment, animosity and pain.
The bottom line is if you want to feel
married again and be loved, learn to express feelings of anger appropriately
without accusing and blaming. Try walking in your spouseís shoe for a change.
Try putting forth a little bit more effort
into the marriage like taking walks together, playing games, sharing a candle
lit dinner, and whatever it is that you enjoy. Try including your spouse next
time. Do it together!
And of course, allowing God's wisdom and love
into the marriage works wonders. Donít let your marriage turn into the
loveless doldrums. Stop being so bullheaded and give in to each other for the
sake of love and commitment! God will be pleased that you did.
And remember, Godís intention for marriage
is a bull and a cow together in the corral, not two bulls!
Copyright 2006 Angie Lewis ~ Heaven Ministries
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