Why does the bible say for the wife to submit to the husband and the husband to love the wife? What does it really mean?

In marriage both husband and wife are called to submit to one another. (Ephesians 5:21) For the husband that means putting aside his own interests and desires and caring for his wife. Mutual submission between husband and wife sustains order and increases love and respect for each other.

For the husband who is appointed the spiritual leader and counselor in the home means for him to be in service to the Lord. Just as Christ served His own disciples by washing their feet, so is the husband to serve his wife. This is using Christ's example appropriately as it was intended.

Unfortunately many woman think the act of "giving in" to their husbands somehow makes them feel inferior or inadequate and not in control of who they are.  But this is not true. When a woman allows her Christ-honoring husband to lead the household she is putting her faith in God. and respecting the role of her husband as well. Husbands are the covering and protection of the wife. 

Submitting to your partner is a choice that we all need to make.  When you do submit to one another, you're not giving up your individuality or your rights as a person, but are respecting one another.

When a husband orders  that his wife submit to him, then it's not true submission. Taking advantage of scripture and using it out of context as a  mere tool for intimidating and hurting your wife is wrong and leads to resentment.
A Christ-honoring man will not take advantage of his leadership role and a Christ-honoring wife will not try to undermine her husbands leadership role.

Submitting to one another shouldn't be made into a control-power issue. If it becomes as such, both parties are not honoring themselves and more importantly, God.

When we use the scripture incorrectly to take advantage of our partners, both parties will resist and the marriage ends up going nowhere fast. Marriage is one institution, therefore there is no room for disagreement during major crisis or the decision making process.

Giving in to the authority of your husband doesn't mean you have lost your rights as a woman or individuality.

Submission is being respectful. Just as the wife submits to her husband so should the husband submit to the Lord.

In authority matters, a woman can disagree with her husband, but yet still approve of who he is.

She may also have her own opinions and believe the way she feels and still be who she is.

When a woman rebels against her husbands authority, it makes him feel less of a man. When this happens, he will become even more controlling in matters of difference. This is very harmful towards the marriage.

Many feminists have a hard time submitting to their husbands authority, or any man for that matter, because of mistrust (of men) and low self esteem. When we have to prove ourselves to others in such a head strong way,  it is because we feel we are lacking in other areas of our life.


 Let's look at it another way and pretend that this scripture was never written.

There is only one captain to every ship and with that ship there is only one first mate. The captain needs his first mate, she is the one who reads the navigational charts and brings out the sails and brings in the lines. She is there for him when storms come and waves are washing up onto the deck. She cooks for him to bring him energy during the storm because while she is sleeping, he is still steering the ship through the storm to safety. The husband is the helmsman and the wife is to be the first mate.

The first mate is a helpmate beyond belief, that without the first mate to help in times of need and decision making, the ship would sink. And the first mate needs the captain for without a captain to steer the ship, there would be no destination-no purpose to why you were together in the first place.

If both the captain and the first mate try and take the helm and lead the ship to separate shores, the ship ends up adrift because both are steering in separate directions.

When we rebel against our husband's divine authority, we are actually rebelling against the will of  God.

The bottom line is, someone has to be the head of the family and in nature, history and scripture this has always been the male. God gives him this position not of demanding ruler-ship, but of responsibility and honor.

Men, Love your wives with the wisdom God gave you and she will submit out of her enduring love for you!

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