Ways To Love Difficult In-laws (Part 2)
1. Be Assertive
In-laws seem to have ideas of their own.
Out of respect, it is good to listen and sometimes heed your elderís
opinions, but sometimes itís not a very good idea. So what should you
do if you donít agree with your in-laws? First of all, use discretion
in matters that involve a weighty decision. And then be open and honest
about your feelings. Donít try and please your in-laws only to regret
it later. Do what you think is best, if it turns out you were wrong,
admit your mistake, and go on in dignity.
2. Keep Private
Most of the time, especially if newly
married, you might unintentionally involve your in-laws in your family
affairs by telling them about your private matters.
Or you tell them how you arenít getting along with their son or
daughter. Is it any wonder they are giving you unwarranted advice? If
you donít want something to come back and bite you in the tail later,
donít involve the in-laws in your private family affairs
Some in-laws like to give out a lot of
unasked for advice. They may tell you how to cook, what to wear, how to
discipline the kids, How to budget your finances, etc.
They may treat you as if you are still a child and donít know
any better. In-laws are older than us, but that does not necessarily
mean they are wiser. Be respectful at all times, and take what you want
and throw the rest out.
4. Detach With Love
Some in-laws are so troublesome, it is a
never-ending story trying to get along with them. Besides being
assertive with your feelings, detaching is sometimes a must for your own
mental health. Some in-laws have addiction problems or other emotional
problems and this is where detaching comes in real handy. Detaching with
love is not allowing their problems to become your problems. You can
detach without being rude or disrespectful. Be supportive and loving at
all times but donít allow their abuse or pain to cause your own
attitude to become negative.
5. Set Appointments
Have you ever watched the Ray Romano show?
This is a cute, clean comedy that depicts nosy and overbearing in-laws,
who barge in without knocking, whenever they feel like it. The daughter
in law does not like it that her in-laws just barge right into her home,
but she never asserts herself and tells them she doesnít like it. So
they just keep on popping over unannounced. She has set a precedent with
them that their behavior is ok. Set
schedules times that the in-laws may come over so they arenít
intruding on family time together. This also means that you should never
pop on over to their house without being invited first.
6. Set Boundaries
Set boundaries in a respectful fashion
without hurting any feelings. For instance, lets say your mother in law
showers your children with candy every time she comes over, but you
donít want the kids rotting their teeth out. There is a respectful way
that you talk with your in-laws that doesnít make them feel like you
are rejecting them, or that would make them rebel against your wishes.
Make them feel appreciated for their actions first, then state your
needs. If they still will not oblige by your wishes, keep all the candy
they bring over in a bag, and at the end of the year, give it back to
them, theyíll get the picture.
7. Talk To Your Spouse
It is important that you talk to your spouse about how you feel. They are your in-laws but it is your spouseís parents. In-laws will not take you very seriously unless both of you agree and stay consistent with them in regards to your relationship with them.