Pornography Addiction: What
Can a Wife Do?
by Angie Lewis
Don't give up on your
marriage! Porn addiction doesn't have to mean the end to marriage. In fact, it
is time to nurture your marriage with the tender loving care it so needs and
deserves. You can actually learn from this and have a better marriage over it. I
encourage you to put forth every effort to reinforce the bonds of trust and love
that may have been broken between you and your husband.
The moral outcome of a
husband viewing pornography does not only affect him but the wife as well. A
wife may feel unloved, invalidated, and sexually unattractive. "Why doesn't
he want sex with me anymore? Why does he look at all those gorgeous naked women?
What's wrong with me?"
Nothing at all is wrong
with you! This problem has NOTHING to do with you. It is your husband's problem.
Don't make yourself feel victimized by this issue in your marriage. Your husband
is looking at porn and acting out sexually because of an underlying problem
within his inner awareness that is still haunting him. He may not even be aware
of it himself.
Most likely your husbands
porn addiction is caused by something unpleasant that happened to him in his
childhood that is manifesting itself within his mind. He may be feeling anguish
over his past and for a temporary "feel better" fix your husband is
acting out his emotional pain and feelings of grief through the use of porn. It
makes him feel better emotionally and mentally.
The "fix" for
your marriage is to figure out what the underlying cause of your husbands
emotional suffering is so you can find ways in which to make him feel better
about himself through upright and moral objectives rather than through the use
of lustful imagery. This mission can be accomplished with the help of God and
with your loving support.
Is your husband trying to
quit his addiction? Is he willing to repent for his actions and seek God for a
healthy spiritual mind? If he is ready and willing to make the effort to work on
himself and the marriage then he needs your support now more than ever!
You should make every
effort to help him through this demoralizing time in his life. Be strong for him
but guide him through it so he will not feel alone in this endeavor. Don't blame
yourself for this happening in your marriage. Have the faith to know that you
both can overcome this marital issue in your marriage with the help of God on
Your husband's self esteem
is probably at its all time low right now because of what the addiction has done
to him mentally and spiritually. The battle for him is he really thinks he
cannot stop looking at porn. He thinks he NEEDS it. It's
like an alcoholic who thinks he really NEEDS a drink. The thought of not having
that drink (fix) is terrifying. I know this, I've been there. As with any
addiction there is an underlying emotional battle waging war within the addicted
Don't expect anything from
him in the bedroom for while. Realize that the addiction has messed up his
arousal department for a short time. But don't worry because it won’t last
long. Do not demean or poke fun over
this or you will make things worse for him. It is not because he doesn't find
you attractive or that he doesn't love you. Remember, this is your husbands
problem, not yours.
Let your husband tell you
when he is ready for sexual intercourse. In the meantime, the best way to be
supportive in this area is to be patient and loving.
to help your husband to open up to you and find out what the underlying
reason for the addiction is. Be open and honest by communicating your
feelings properly and carefully. Be gentle and sweet instead of blaming and
accusatory. This will only shut him down.
alcoholic is addicted to alcohol and the symptoms are drinking. A sexually
addicted person is addicted to sex and the symptoms are the acting out part of
it. As with the alcoholic, there is an underlying problem that causes the
alcoholic to drink and or the sexually addicted person to act out in lustful
everything in the home that would be sexually tempting and or invite sexual
visual stimuli. Put a filter on the computer or stow it away in a closet
temporarily until your husband feels he doesn't need to act out sexually.
your husband's self worth everyday. Do things together that would help him
to get his mind off of lustful stimuli and sexual imagery. Encourage him and
give him hope. Search for success stories on the Internet and print them out
for your husband to read. Let
him know that he is not alone. Your husband and you can conquer porn
addiction together WITH the help of God.
is the most important aspect of recovery, after recognizing the underlying
cause; seek out God's will for your troubles. Study, learn, and research the
bible together. Read out loud to each other different passages. Move
yourselves closer to having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and He
will help your husband from being tempted.
Blessed is the man who
preserves under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the
crown of life that god promised to those who love him. James 1:12
You can still love and
support your husband. Tell him you love him but that you don't like the
addiction in him. This gets him to see that he is a separate person from the
sexual addict, and that he doesn’t NEED it.
Some men are still in
denial that there is even a problem, but when you separate the addict from the
person, he understands that the addiction is NOT really who he is or who he can
become. He is a child of God; therefore the addiction comes from satan. He needs
to fight it, that's all!
Copyright © 2006 Heaven Ministries ~ Angie
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