What constitutes intimacy in a relationship? Is it
having great sex once a day?Is
it being romantically involved? It could be those things, but intimacy
is sharing yourself with the one you love because you trust them and you
appreciate them. Sex alone is not what makes intimacy. Romance alone is
not what makes intimacy. But if you put romance, sex, respect, honesty,
communication, and appreciate into the equation and you balance those
areas out in the marriage that could very well constitute
intimacy in marriage.
To feel close to the person you married, you first
have to trust them. That includes knowing that they are there for you if
you need them. An intimate relationship is a supportive one. When you
appreciate, and encourage the person you love on a consistent basis you
are forming an intimate bond. Rejecting your spouse in any way is
pulling away at those trust levels that marriage so much needs. Couples
need and want to feel secure and emotionally involved with their
It is quite ironic that couples feel closer and
more loving towards each other the more they give of themselves in the
marriage. Intimacy is not something that just happens, it is made. It
takes two to become intimate, and it takes two to bring and maintain
intimacy in the marriage. If only one is working towards being close and
the other is pulling away from getting close, then intimacy will not
In marriage or in any relationship if you want to
be intimate and share a close bond with the person you love, then the
effort most definitely has to be put into it. Intimacy is communicating
on a deeper level than just talking about the weather and “what’s
for dinner”? Many couples take this area of the relationship for
granted. They do not realize that their marriage actually thrives on
Not sharing closeness with the one you are married
to is one of the underlying reasons for infidelity in marriage, not just
physically, but emotionally as well.And this brings me to communication in marriage. Emotional
infidelity is becoming the new fad. It starts out innocent enough, but
having an emotional involvement with someone other than your spouse is
dangerous to the marriage. Couples do not need to go looking for someone
who understands and appreciates them. All they really need to do is to
be open and honest in their conversation with the person they married.
Communicating on an open and honest level is a part
of intimacy process. So it is very important to learn proper
communication skills on that level. Productive communication brings
something into the relationship to help couples to know and understand
each other. From the communication below, ask yourself what you could
learn from each other.
“I like it when you touch me there?” “I feel
it easier to tell you my true feelings when you don’t discount my
reject me, I don’t feel very close with you.”“I felt hurt last night when you made fun of me in front of our
guests.” “Please do not make jokes about me in front of our
friends.” “I would like it if you would try and come home earlier at
night, but if your job keeps you working late so you can take care of
us, I understand.” “I would like it if you would not wear that
skimpy shirt anymore. I want you all to myself, and I don’t think it
is a good idea having other men stare at your breasts.”“I want to protect you, that is one of the ways I feel that I
am loving my wife.”“Could
you please not cook spinach soufflé anymore, I just don’t like it,
but everything else you cook for us is wonderful.”
This kind of communication is productive because it
is open and honest. If you happen to say something negative always say
something positive in the same sentence. Productive communication brings
couples closer together because they are opening up to each other.And this is what you want in marriage. It is my belief that
couples have productive talks a couple of times a week. These
communications keep you updated and emotionally involved with the person
you married, which couples thrive on for an intimately satisfied
Marriage is like
a tricycle. One of the back wheels is the mental (emotional) area in
marriage, another back wheel is for the physical (sexual), and the front
wheel, which is the leader, is for the spiritual aspects of the
marriage. If one of these facets of marriage is missing, what is going
to happen? The marriage is going to be unbalanced and topple over.
Did you know that
your feelings could affect your sexual appetite? For instance, if
you’re feeling bitter, resentful, or guilty towards your spouse, you
won’t feel like having sex with them. Should we deprive our spouse of
sex because of how we are feeling? I don’t think
It is not right
to deny our spouse the sexual fulfillment that marriage so much needs
just because we’re mad at them or we’re having a bad day. Nothing
could be further from the truth.
bitterness are caused by an unforgiving attitude. Please go back and
read my articles on how to forgive properly. Jesus said we are to
forgive seventy times seven…forgiving properly means that we don’t
harbor the pain anymore, and that means we don’t bring up the issue
with our spouse again! Period!
Ladies, we are in
control when it comes to the sexual aspects of the marriage. Learn to
use that to your advantage. After sex is the best time to discuss any
other issues that are bothering you. Be nice, and express yourself
lovingly and appropriately. Don’t nag and complain.
don’t discuss their sexual preferences with each other. But this is
not the time to be shy either. It’s very vital to
the sexual health of the marriage that couples express their pleasures
in the bedroom arena. Both need to know and be acquainted with the zones
and parts of the body, which are capable of producing pleasurable
Below are a few
guidelines to take note of for a great sensual and passionate marriage,
even after ten, and twenty years of marriage!
the freedom to be who they are. Be understanding and considerate of
their feelings at all times, not just in the bedroom.
any sexual issues and problems that have developed in the marriage.
Let go of your sexual inhibitions and express your pleasures in the
lovemaking arena. Ladies, men like to give pleasure to their wives,
so now is your chance to speak up and tell him what you like.
everyday that you are married to a person who is willing to discuss
and express these issues with you.
loving and available. Sometimes we women just aren’t in the mood.
But it doesn’t matter; give yourself to your husband anyway,
unless you are sick or going through menstruation.
appealing bedroom that you both like. Redecorate it with tasteful
decor that you both have picked out.
attractive and pleasing to each other. Buy a new skimpy nightgown,
and men buy some bikini briefs. If you already wear that kind of
under clothing, buy some silky cartoon boxers - something different
that you wouldn’t normally wear.
and loving. Light some aromatic candles for a sensual and romantic
This is for the
ladies reading this. I have learned through experience that men NEED to
have sex. Some men like it everyday, others every other day, while
others maybe two times a week. Be ready when your
husband wants to have sex. Don’t reject your
husband for just any reason; make him feel loved and good about himself.
Men love this kind of sensual pampering.
When we reject
our husband, that is when they begin THINKING about looking elsewhere to
find fulfillment, and we don’t want that, do we ladies? So often we
take our husband for granted in this area, and don’t realize the
importance of sexual fulfillment for the man in our life. Don’t give
him any reasons to look elsewhere, take care of him!
This is for the
men reading this. The most important thing you can do for your wife is
to not rush into the lovemaking act in 30 seconds. Come on now, be more
considerate. You know it takes your wife a bit longer than you. Tell her
how much you love her, and rub her all over, wherever she likes it. Be
more patient in the bedroom, your time will come soon enough.
Bottom line, do
not deprive or reject each other! A happy sexual relationship involves
right attitudes. It is God’s will that married couples enjoy sexual
relations with each other. Find out what wheel is missing in your
marriage and fix it.
body does not belong to her alone, but also to her husband. In the same
way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his
wife. Do not deprive each other except by MUTUAL consent and for A TIME,
so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so
Satan will not TEMPT you because of your lack of self-control. 1 Corinthians 7:4-6
1. Would you
consider your sex life to be satisfied? Why or why not. Explain.
2. What areas can
you work on that would help the lovemaking department?
3. Do you think
rejecting your spouse of sex is going to help you and your spouse become
close and intimate? Explain
4. How is your
attitude about sex? Good? Mediocre? Not good? Explain.
If you and your
spouse are having sexual problems it is because something else is amiss
in the marriage. Communicate and find out what that area is. Sometimes
when we stop doing fun things together or when we stop having alone time
it causes our attitude towards sex to falter too.
5. What do you
think causes emotional infidelity in marriage?