Have You Really Fallen Out of Love With Your Spouse?
Heaven Ministries © 2007

Why do we use the words, “fall in love” or “fall out of love”? What does it really mean to be “in love” with someone? First of all, understand that you cannot fall “in love” or fall “out of love”. Love just becomes what it is when two people spend a lot of time together and get to know each other.

Marriage thrives on intimacy and closeness with one another and when that declines or discontinues couples feel they are no longer “in love” with their spouse, even though they still care for and love their spouse.  So what does that mean? It means they are confused about what love really is.

Loving the person we married will not always make us feel good inside, no matter how good the marriage is or how close we are in the intimacy department. But if we want the feelings of being “in love” brought back in our marriage then we can re-ignite the passion of intimacy by doing something about the attitude we have of not being “in love” anymore.

You didn’t “fall out of love” with your spouse, it’s just that those feelings of excitement are gone and it is up to you to do something about it.

What I am saying here is stop basing your marriage on feelings but on principled acts of love instead.  If you are looking for a feeling to keep your marriage alive then make that feeling happen! But don’t sit around brooding over how you are not “in love” with your spouse anymore and want out of the marriage. Take responsibility for your marriage and do something about it.

We have to bring passion and excitement back into our marriage – it is not going to happen without our efforts! We only need to shift our attitude from needing to feel excitement for our personal happiness to creating excitement in our marriage for both of our happiness.

The more we keep looking outside the bounds of marriage for the feelings we are looking for the more tempting outside boundaries will become to us. The reason is simple, what we perceive in our mind eventually becomes a reality. If we dwell on how boring or bad our marriage is, we will create temptation in our mind and act on it. Is that what we really want? 

What couples do not understand is they made their marriage to be what it is today. If their feelings are telling them that happiness is being with someone else then they are confused about what love in marriage is. It is not the feeling of dating or the feeling of being with someone else, it is the principled acts of loving and caring for someone until death do you part. It is not a feeling at all but actions.

The most important thing to keep in mind, if and when you do get tempted, is feelings don’t last – they are temporary. But love is for a lifetime – it is real and can be made more complete by your principled actions of love. Remember, you’re not dating anymore, you’re married, and that means you have a duty and responsibility to your marriage.