You’re Not In Love If…
Copyright ©2008 Heaven Ministries
You’re not in love if you expect
something in return. If you expect something in return for your
love, such as flirting, praise, gifts, or sex then you’re really
trying to produce a certain euphoric feeling within you that you think
love is supposed to feel like, and that is not love.
Love is not self-seeking
You’re not in love if your love does
not produce tangible actions. Your love should produce positive,
productive action from you. We can all talk a good talk, but when it
comes to our walk, many of us fall. What can we do differently to make
sure that our talk coincides with our walk?
Love is patient, love is kind
You’re not in love if you are relying on a
feeling to tell you so. What are your actions telling you? Are you
serving in acts of kindness through forgiveness and compassion? Or are
you relying on a feeling to tell you that you are in love? Feelings of
lust and desire can mimic love and make us think we are in love.
But what happens after these supposed love feelings
wane off? Can love just come and go like that? No, love is not a feeling
that can come and go like the rising tide. Love is an action that comes
through with the way we act and behave towards others.
It always protects
You’re not in love with someone you committed
adultery with. If you allow your lustful desires to control how you
feel about someone than you are a very confused person. Many people
confuse sex with love because they are afraid to love or don’t know
how to love. It’s time to let go of the unhealthy sexual attitude and
be free to love without disrespecting others sexually.
Is love something you get or something you give?
It is both. When someone loves you they will give a part of themselves
to you through an action – through a behavior. Maybe they have
forgiven you for committing adultery. Or perhaps they have sacrificed
their time and hobby for you. Or
maybe they have given up on having a baby because you don’t want
children. These are all tangible actions demonstrating what love is.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud
When you give love to someone it is in the same
way. Is flirting with someone you are not married to, love? Is having
sex with someone you are not married to, love? Is giving and receiving
praise, love? Is looking at porn, love? Is desiring someone you are not
married to, love? No, no, no, no, and no. Then what is all of these
things? Do you know?
So if you think you are in love with someone
other than who you are married to, it is only euphoric feelings
overriding true principles of what true love is, and those feelings
certainly will not last.
Have you ever thought about “why” the person
you are having an affair with would have a relationship with a married
person in the first place? Only those people who do not understand what
real love is or how to love others properly would have an affair with a
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth
You are in love if you share a part of yourself
through a tangible action. Love is learned. We are not born with it.
If you were brought up in a home that demonstrated unconditional love,
you will understand how to give unconditionally. But if you were brought
up in a home where everyone kept score and they loved with conditions,
you will love others in that same way.
The good news is you can teach yourself how to love
by going back to the principles of what real love is. Write them down
and attach them to the refrigerator. Teach them to your spouse and to
your children. We can truly love others when we understand what the
principles of love are.
And now I will show you the most excellent way.
I am nothing, if I give all that I posses to the poor and
surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
The Principles of Love
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it
does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not
delight in evil but rejoices in truth. It always protects, always
trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (1