Marriage: Detach With Love
Heaven Ministries


As we all know there are times in marriage when we need to detach from our spouse.  We are imperfect people living in an imperfect world. Realistically, even in the best of marriages, couples do not get along all the time. It is at these moments, that it is far better to detach with love then to burst out with angry, destructive, or negative feelings. When we detach it gives us some time to think about the situation at length and then come back to our spouse with a satisfying solution.

What happens when we donít detach? Often times we come on too harsh with our feelings. We donít think before we spew out emotional garbage onto our spouse. Feelings are great for expressing our selves but if we use destructive feelings to abuse or otherwise keep us from finding a solution to our marital issues then feelings become a problem.

If we use impulsive and reckless feelings to dictate how we will treat our spouse it can become the way we decide to deal with all marital issues until it becomes a habitual way of behaving. If we let our feelings determine how we will love, for instance, we certainly wonít be able to deal with issues appropriately. Unfortunately, many marriages are like this; couples literally feed off of the feelings of each other.  But in reality destructive feelings starve the marriage of nutrients. 

For instance, your partnerís reaction to your reaction might trigger off a certain set of thoughtless feelings that have been played out before, but the issue never gets resolved, therefore it gets put on the backburner with all the rest of the garbage that didnít get fed properly.

It takes spiritual effort on both sides to have an almost idyllic marriage we read about in storybooks.  It takes spiritual effort to stay married!  Instead of looking for reasons to leave the marriage, we can learn to detach with love, which takes the spiritual resolve that I am talking about.

There is a difference between just detaching from our spouse and detaching WITH LOVE.  Detaching with angry feelings and not caring about our spouse is detaching inappropriately. This is NOT the kind of detachment Iím talking about.

Detaching with love is considering our spouses feelings and accepting who they are.  Sometimes it is just better to give up and give in rather than get in a messy and heated argument that isnít going anywhere anyway. It is at these times we can detach from our partner with love.

When we do this we come away feeling better emotionally and spiritually. Detaching with love means to turn the other cheek. For instance if your spouse is not doing anything hostile to you or the marriage, often times turning the other cheek is the better way to go. Detaching in this way becomes a learned way of behavior, which is far better for your psyche. Instead of being the antagonist we have been we can learn to be more accepting, caring and loving.

When you humble your self and turn the other cheek you will feel so much better about your self and about your spouse. Being humble and kind is not as hard as it seems. Especially when we see for ourselves the positive results it will bring into the marriage!

Detaching with love is being humble, forgiving, and accepting. Demonstrating all of these wonderful character traits is being loving towards the person we married. But in a heated battle with our spouse, angry words delete all of those traits from our mind and the angry words end up controlling our behavior.

Remember, take it one day at a time, and donít look at it as if you have to do be of these things right now this minute. Just knowing when you might be using destructive feelings when dealing with marital issues is a big start to trying to be humble and kind through proper expression of your self. 

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.  Ephesians 4:2-3

No marriage is ever perfect here on earth; it just isnít going to happen. But we can certainly enjoy the spouse we are married to by putting forth a little bit more effort.  We must learn to accept our spouse and love our spouse in spite of their faults if we want to be satisfied in our marriage.

When we see faults in our spouse that is when we should be gentle and kind and patient like scripture above says.  Does you spouseís actions or personality sometimes annoy you? Rather then dwelling on your spouseís weakness or looking for faults, detach with love.

If you continue being kind gentle and loving, you will see that you will want to spend more time with your spouse because you have LEARNED to accept them for who they are, faults and all.

 Copyright 2006 Heaven Ministries