Major Reason Why
Christian Marriages Cannot Be Saved
I often remind couples when they are going through
problems in their marriage that before they can save their marriage from
divorce they need to work on saving themselves. In other words they need
personal healing and restoration. In utter disbelief they reply, ďBut
Iím not the who committed adultery!Ē Or they say, Iím not the one
with the alcohol problem; I donít need healing!Ē I believe it is
time to get off the pedestal.
Sadly people are so wrapped up within themselves
and their selfishness that they actually donít believe they need any
kind of personal healing. But again, reality says that we all need some
kind of inner healing, first, before we can even begin to be the loving
and giving marriage spouses that God wants us to be.
Some people carry more baggage into their marriage
than others but we all have had baggage at sometime or other in our
marriage. The reason for baggage could be for many reasons; perhaps you
had a bad childhood experience that is buried within your conscience.
Maybe you were unloved or abandoned by a parent as a child. Or perhaps
you had too many breakups and heartaches that the dating scene caused.
And finally maybe you are just emotionally and spiritually immature.
Many pieces of baggage may be lurking within us
just waiting to get out, while other parts of our baggage are buried so
deep that we donít even know we are carrying it. Most of the time we
donít do anything about the baggage and in our mind and soul there it
sits for years, keeping us from fully loving others properly. Baggage
causes resentment. The hard cold fact is you need forgiveness just as
much as your sinning spouse needs forgiveness.
Accepting Christí forgiveness for our weaknesses
is how we heal. If we are holding in pain then we are harboring
resentment. We must be willing, ready and able to give up our selfish
lifestyle and start a new lifestyle with Jesus. If weíre too proud to
recognize our need for Christ in our journey in life then we will
continue to limp through our marriage and other relationships just
barely getting by.
Only when we deny our wretched lives and give up
control of managing life under our own wisdom and understanding will we
truly ďknowĒ what it means to be a whole person, healed from the
inside out. Healing can only take place when we humble our lives to the
living God and stop trying to be God.
When we lord over our marriage as if we were God,
of course it will have troubles. Thatís not how God designed marriage
to be. Marriage is first a
lifetime commitment to the one-flesh of marriage and secondly a service
towards one another, which is Godís purpose for married couples.
So the bottom line is to save our marriage we first
have to save ourselves by taking up our own cross and denying self and
follow Jesus. There really is no other way. Healing is a gradual
learning and development process we go through in our personal
relationship with God through Jesus Christ.
How will we know that healing has taken place? We
will begin to see our life and purpose with a totally different
perspective than we do now. What we once believed as truth for our life
becomes a lie. We will grow to be more like Jesus every day. This is
what Christianity is all aboutóitís not a religion until you make it
a religion. It is a lifestyle that we make for ourselves and to please
Christianity is learning to love ourselves and others in the proper ways. And finally, as Christ Ones we will see our marriage in a different light and will understand what Godís will is for us and how we can restore our marriage to Him where it belongs. Your marriage can be saved!