King of the Castle
by Angie Lewis
Heaven Ministries Copyright © 2007

The wife who hands over the rein of king to her husband will have a happy and content man. Why resist what God intended for marriage to be? It is instinctive for a man to want to protect, defend, and provide for his wife, for the most part. If a husband "thinks" his wife should also provide for the household outside of the home, then he has his priorities confused.  If a wife stays home and manages the household duties, responsibilities, and family then she is not obligated to work outside the home to provide monetarily for the home because she already is and doing it in the way that God intended for her to. 

But here is the problem -- the confusion of her position in the home. Should she work outside the home for other people or should she work within her home for her husband and family? That is the question that needs pondered. 

When a wife struggles with her husband’s headship position she is allowing herself to feel controlled by him, rather than being the wife God intends her to be. And when a woman feels controlled she automatically takes on a different attitude. An attitude of career and gaining outside approval from others. 

The question is, is your husband really controlling you and misusing his position or do you only make yourself feel controlled? It's true some men are VERY controlling with their wives, they demand rather than love. When a husband goes by the principles of God in his headship position the wife is not in fear of submitting. In fact, it is the very opposite, she is willing and eager to surrender herself to the man she feels is protecting and loving her in the ways of the Lord.

But here is what's happening in many homes today... the husband is not allowed to be the man of the house. His wife has taken the lead in every aspect of the marriage, leaving him to load the dishwasher and take out the garbage. Ask your husband if he is truly happy having you dictate to him how to budget the finances, how to discipline kids, and how to talk to his boss at work, and what kind of car to drive. Would you be happy if your husband came home from work and told you how to cook, clean, put your hair up, and take care of the baby?  Wouldn’t you feel discouraged and demeaned as a wife and woman?

The main reason a husband would not take his God given position seriously is because his wife is already doing it for him. This is VERY harmful to the marriage in many ways, especially if the husband holds in his emotions and feels he cannot talk to or trust his wife. He may honestly be afraid to talk with his wife, because she is too overbearing with him. She may belittle the way he feels.  This makes him become embittered and resentful because of mixed up roles and positions in the home. It is disrespectful to takeover a husband's place in marriage? As it is disrespectful for a husband to think he can take over and do a better job than his wife. 

How would a woman feel if after giving birth to her baby, her husband took over all motherly responsibilities and tasks and dictated how she were going to take care of the baby?  She would feel restricted and VERY cheated out of motherhood, wouldn’t she? Well, it’s the same way for husbands. When a wife acts like she is the king of the house, or when she takes away her husband’s God-given roles and dictates how things are going to be, how do you think he is going to feel? Cheated and demoralized.

A Christian wife should never suppress the God-given position of her husband. She should never do anything that would stifle the ambitions and abilities of the man she married, rather she should encourage her husband to be all that he can be on the foundations of Jesus Christ. In the same way, a husband should never abuse or control his wife in any way shape or form. A Christian man should never misuse his role as head of the family. This is not how God intends for a man to love his wife. When a woman is abused and controlled by her man she becomes resentful and feels unloved and demeaned by her husband.

I encourage all married couples to work towards understanding their spouse’s position in the marriage and work towards honoring each other. When we stop focusing on what each other should be doing, but rather focus on what we should be doing, marriage just sort of falls into place like it should.

A husband should have the free rein to be the king of his castle, but he should also be a good king and never misuse his position.  If you treat your man like a king, he will love his queen. But if you suppress his rein and take over his position, he certainly won’t take his kingship in the home very seriously.  He may become grouchy, angry, and resentful that he has been demoted to taking out the garbage and loading the dishwasher - and this is emotionally and mentally demeaning. 

Questions to Ponder

1. Is it more beneficial for a wife and mother to work outside the home or within her home? Why is that? 

2. How can husband and wife work together to better understand what each others roles and position in the marriage are?

A) Accepting each others position in the home. (Explain)

B) Bible Study (Explain)

C) Healing self (Explain) 

D) Basing marriage on God's principles (Explain)

E) Answering the Declaration of Marital Status

3. If a husband does not want his wife to work outside the home, should she comply to his decision?

4. Is your husband really trying to control you or is it the other way around?

5. Why did God make Woman for Man?

6. In what ways are you being the woman for your man?

7. In what ways are you not being the woman for your man?

8. How can you change your attitude about submission and realize that it is the way God designed marriage to be?

9. Have you or are you suppressing your husbands God given spiritual authority in the home?

10. How are you doing that? What can you do to feel secure about your position has the woman of the home?

Book Resources

LOVE THE MAN YOU MARRIED! Biblical-based insights for married women and women who are thinking of getting married. From marital infidelity to forgiveness this book explains it all! God made man to be the protector of women. Men love to do it, they want to do it, and they feel like a man when we let them do it! Most married women don’t feel they need protected. They carry mace, a gun and take karate classes and act like a man and still, they are getting beaten, raped, manhandled, and murdered. What happens when we don’t allow our husbands to protect us? We reject their love for us. Don’t you want to be loved by your man? Don’t you want your man to show his love for you? Did you know that when we don’t let our husband’s love us the way God meant for a man to love his wife, we are actually rebelling against God?
Available as a instant download and hardcopy.