The Independent Minded, Married,
Can a married Christian woman who submits to her
husband, and, who stays home to raise her family be an independent
thinker? They certainly can! Many people believe, especially certain
women that married Christian women cannot be independent thinkers. But
this notion cannot be further from the truth. People are led to believe
a certain way in their viewpoints, and think that what they perceive to
be the truth is the one and only way.
This is what I call thinking and living in a box. Ironically, it is those who believe they themselves are independent minded that do not see how a woman so different from their own way of living can also be independent thinking too. The world has been filled up to their ears about how stay at home moms cannot be independent people! Or how a Christian woman who submits to her husband cannot think on her own free will. "Poor thing, she must be really dependent on her husband." Not!
Married couples should be dependent on each other
for many of their needs any way. It is the way marriage works best. If a
husband were not dependent on his wife for sex, who should he depend on?
If a wife is not dependent on her husband protecting her in the middle
of the night when robbers break into their home, should she take matters
into her own hands? Women who think they can do everything and be
everything without a man are certainly afraid of something.
Peek out of the box you are used to staying in and
see for yourself, there is another way to think independently and not
have to have a career. Closed mindedness does not give the mind any
independence to think outside the box. What you see is what you believe.
What you have been taught is what you believe. What you have been
conditioned to believe is what you believe.
I have been told by a reviewer that feminists will
be affronted by the lifestyle I talk about in my new book, Love
The Man You Married. Why is that? Well, it shows women how to love
their man, and enjoy doing it too. What is so offensive about that? Are
they slighted because they have experienced abuse by a man, or was
controlled by a man, or maybe it is because they have been conditioned
to believe that a woman is not an independent thinker unless she bosses
men around and wields a little power around in her career? What do you
I was also told in this same review that a married
Christian woman who submits to her husband couldn't be modern. Modern? I
don't understand that. I am a bit confused here. I am the most modern
and contemporary person I know, and yet I still enjoy giving my husband
the love he deserves. I make him feel good about who he is. That is
surrendering myself to him, and itís called loving (submission). When
she said that Christian woman cannot be modern I had to write this
What is submission: Giving up selfishness and
rebelliousness and becoming all of what you can be so you will be
independent enough to let go of the need to control, and
submit to another. It's really that simple. It is so ironic, but it is
those women who submit to their husbands freely and lovingly that are
the most independent minded! Why is that? These women are not dependent
upon things or people to make them feel good about who they are, that's
I submit fully to my husband, and yet here I am, everyday, giving out precious pearls to those who will listen, because they are so beautiful. How could I do that if I was dependent minded and stifled by my marriage? Career? I have a career! I don't go out of the home to pursue it, and I don't make a bunch of money at it, but it's what I do, and itís who I am. That is independence and satisfaction all rolled into one. I am blessed that I don't have to work outside of the home.
I am not at all against a woman who is married who has to work. But if a woman is selfishly establishing herself outside of the home and leaving husband and children behind to tend to themselves, then yes, it is not right. Our families need us!
A married Christian woman is independent minded
under the standards of God's word. Her independence does not harm others
in any way, but instead she reaps the benefits of a healthy and happy
family. Her independence has freed her mind to the point that she is not
threatened by a man, or by marriage or by submission, or by not having a
career. She is full and whole in life through the spirituality within
her. She is free to be who it is she is without worrying about being
something other than what God intended her to be.
The career minded married woman, on the other hand
is independent minded under the foundations of society. She is always
striving to be something that she is not. This form of thinking is not
whole, it is selfish and shallow, and is boxed in by the standards of
society. In all actuality she is dependent upon the changes of society
to give her the independence she so craves to keep her feeling good
about herself. Independent thinking is not bossing men around, being in
power, and having a career. That is what dependent minded people think
because they are actually living in a box.
Once the independent minded married Christian woman
becomes who it is that she is, her life flows freely and peaceful like a
sparkling clear river with pearls lining the bottom. At each phase of
her life she grabs a handful of pearls and throws them out into the
world. Those that understand their meaning grab the pearls and make
a necklace out of them and hang them around their neck. Those who do not understand think they are garbage and leave
them on the ground where they landed.
A Christian woman's mind grows spiritually with
God, but yet, nothing ever changes with God's word, and it stays as
magnificent as ever. Her independent thinking is richly blessed because
it remains the same all the time, which gives her the stability and
consistency to love her husband and children properly. Because she is a
free to think independently and not be dependent upon husband, career,
children, money or friends to fill her up, she actually fills everyone
So yes, a married, Christian woman who submits to her husband, and who does not work out of the home, can be independent thinking. Peek out of the box and see that not all women who stay home to raise babies are living in the dark ages. Come on out and take a walk around the block and see for yourself that you really can be independent minded and love the man you married at the same time.
1. How would you define an independent minded Christian woman?
2. Do you submit to your husbands spiritual counsel now? Why or why not?
3. Who is the boss in your home?
4. If you had several major decisions to make regarding your home, who decides on what those decisions will be?
5. Do you think working together as a team makes marriage less stressful?
6. What areas now does your husband spiritually lead the home and you like that lead? Have you told your husband that you like it when he leads the home and disciplines the children in the ways of the Lord?
7. What one thing can wives do to surrender their love without feeling intimidated, controlled or abused?
8. If a husband is not taking the lead now, how should a wife influence her husband to take more of a spiritual lead in the home?
1. By expressing herself assertively and lovingly about it. (Explain how you can do that and what will you say?) should she use scripture to support her statements? Yes.
2. By being a godly wife and loving her husband through "principled acts" of love rather than by how she is feeling. (Explain how you would do that.)