How To Submit To The Person You Married

Copyright © 2006 Heaven Ministries

Why are women apprehensive about submitting to their husbandís spiritual authority? I think it is because they feel they are putting themselves in a vulnerable position. What woman wants to feel vulnerable with the man she married? Why would a husband demand that his wife bow down to his authority? For many of these Christian men, I feel they do not understand the proper ways to love their wives. 

The fact is both husband and wife are called to submit to one another. If a husband does not ďfirstĒ love (accept) God, then he will have a very difficult time loving (accepting) his wife the way God has commanded him to? If a husband doesnít allow God to direct his spirit then he cannot love and care for his wife properly. 

Sincere love for our spouse involves selfless giving. By accepting God's love and forgiveness for our life, it will free us to go ahead and take our eyes off of self so we can begin to love our spouse unconditionally. That is what submission is. Jesus Christ submitted His will to the Father, and we honor Christ by following his example. So when we submit to God, like we are supposed to, then we are able to better understand how to submit to the person we married and all others we interact with on a daily basis. 

Now that you have purified yourself by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart. For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God. (1 Peter 1:22)

The problem is couples donít understand Godís formula on submission; they have taken Godís words on submission out of its context to use to their own advantage. Some Christian men believe they can be bossy, controlling and demanding with their wife and that she needs to automatically give in to those demands. But this is not love. This is boot camp! 

Rebelling against the design of marriage is rebelling against God - it is an attitude problem. I can understand an unbeliever having a difficult time conforming to God's standards and design for marriage, but I certainly cannot understand a Christian couple rebelling against God's Words. If we claim to be Christ's Ones, then we must walk as Christ Ones and heed the word of God!

If a woman does give in to a demanding and selfish husband she will feel resentful about it, and eventually rebel against it. I do not blame her. This is whatís happening in most Christian marriages today, and that is why Christianís have a higher rate of divorce than non-Christianís. They are trying desperately to work Godís formula on submission, but they arenít getting it right! 

God ordained submission in all types of relationships to prevent chaos. It is essential to understand that submission does not mean inferiority, because God created all of us in His image and all of Godís creation has equal value in His sight. Submission is mutual commitment and cooperation. God did not make the man superior over the woman; on the contrary, He made it so a husband and wife could work together harmoniously. Forget what society has labeled submission to mean, they are wrong folks. Submission among equals is submission by choice not by force. 

Submit to one another out of reverence of Christ. (Ephesians 5:21)

A wife should never feel manipulated and controlled by her husband on the submission issue. She should feel properly loved and cared for by her husband so she will want to willingly submit to the man she married out of her love for her husband. Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the Church. 

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for herÖ (Ephesians 5:22-25)

A husband needs to take his position in the marriage with seriousness so he can lead his family properly in the Lord and love his wife properly in the ways of the Lord, not in the ways of the world. A man can never love a woman properly in the ways of the world. The world does not know what real love is. The world confuses love with lust. Society tramples on the sanctity of marriage every single day. 

Love one another and love the person God has blessed you with. 


Questions For Couples


Why would a husband demand submission from his wife?



Why would a wife rebel against her husband's spiritual leadership?



What can a husband do to help his wife WANT TO SUBMIT to his guidance and protection?



What can a wife do that would help her to WANT TO SUBMIT to her guidance and protection?