How An Attitude Can Harm Your Sex Life
Copyright 2007 © Heaven Ministries

 

Another area that can and will dampen any sex life is our attitude towards each other. What is your attitude like? Are you harboring bad feelings about your spouse? Has your spouse done something to merit distrust? Do you need to forgive your spouse of something? Couples want to get close with each other through the sexual relationship, but end up allowing their negative thoughts to keep them from enjoying intimacy with one another.

Most of the time, couples just are not assertive in telling each other what they want, and how they feel about everyday issues that arise in the marriage. This is one way couples lose emotional intimacy. Being there for your spouse on all levels, physical, mental, and emotional is how couples remain bonded with one another. If you arenít there for your spouse on the emotional level, what does that do to your sex life?

If you want your sex life to be intimate again you absolutely need to let go of the unconstructive thoughts within you and forgive if you need to. Give the bad attitude and negative thoughts to God. God wants you to enjoy every single aspect of the sexual union with the man/woman you married, and He will surely give you the answers you need, if you would only ask.

I suggest you talk with your spouse about your feelings and express yourself openly about the need to forgive. Just by releasing your pent up emotions will help you to better understand who you are and what you need to do to begin enjoying intimate moments with your spouse. Donít let harbored resentment or a bad attitude keep you from enjoying the lovemaking process.

The most regretful part about having a bad attitude or keeping our feelings inside is we start to look at our spouse in a negative way and that will definitely keep us from wanting to be intimate and close with the person we married. So if you feel this is happening to you and your sex life, sit down with your spouse and express the way you feel openly and honestly.

You will be pleasantly surprised with the new light you perceive your spouse in after you get all that negative stuff off your mind. The more we harbor negative thoughts about the person we married, the less apt we are to even want to get intimate at all. But understand that those thoughts are only feelings, and we make ourselves feel the way we do.

There is no reason for any married man or woman to feel they need to go outside the bounds of marriage to find intimacy, whether it is sexual, mental or emotional. Make intimacy happen again with the person God has already blessed you with. At first it may seem hard to do, but once you start getting feelings and doubts off your mind about areas of the marriage you feel negative about, you will see there are solutions to every conceivable problem!

And be renewed in the spirit of your mind. And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness. (Ephesians 4:23 KJV

 

Questions For Couples

 

1. Are you harboring negative feelings about your spouse? Do you often feel resentful about sex? Explain in detail why you are not enjoying getting close with your spouse. Many times when we express ourselves to our spouse we feel much better about the situation and can then enjoy sex without feelings resentment. 

 

2. Do you need to forgive your spouse of something? Usually unforgivness makes us not want to have sex with our spouse. By not forgiving you are hurting the marriage tremendously.  Go back and read the articles on forgiving.

 

 

3. Have you lost trust in your spouse? When we feel like we can't trust the person we married it will damper any sex life. Write down why you don't trust your spouse, and then talk with your spouse about it. 

 

4. Write down four things you feel negative about with your spouse. 

1.

2.

3.

4.

Now write four things positive about your spouse.

1.

2.

3.

4.

Now look at the four negative things; is there something positive that you can exchange for those negative character traits? For an example, if your spouse is a slob and does not pick up after themselves, look at the positive traits you wrote down and see what can you exchange for the negative. How about that your spouse is a good provider or that he is honest. Try and not focus so much on the faults and weaknesses of your spouse but look for the positive in them. Look for the positive and your outlook will become positive!

       Negative Trait                                                                                Positive Trait

1.                                                      Exchange with 

2.                                                      Exchange with

3.                                                      Exchange with

4.                                                      Exchange with

 

 

 

We can change the way we feel about our spouse by shifting our attitude from a negative one into a positive one. God has blessed you with the person you married for a reason - be joyful and happy with who they are. Bring out in them all the wonderful character traits that God has given them. (they may not even know they possess such a great traits.) :-)