Another area that can and will dampen any sex life
is our attitude towards each other. What is your attitude like? Are you
harboring bad feelings about your spouse? Has your spouse done something
to merit distrust? Do you need to forgive your spouse of something?
Couples want to get close with each other through the sexual
relationship, but end up allowing their negative thoughts to keep them
from enjoying intimacy with one another.
Most of the time, couples just are not assertive in
telling each other what they want, and how they feel about everyday
issues that arise in the marriage. This is one way couples lose
emotional intimacy. Being there for your spouse on all levels, physical,
mental, and emotional is how couples remain bonded with one another. If
you arenít there for your spouse on the emotional level, what does
that do to your sex life?
If you want your sex life to be intimate again you
absolutely need to let go of the unconstructive thoughts within you and
forgive if you need to. Give the bad attitude and negative thoughts to
God. God wants you to enjoy every single aspect of the sexual union with
the man/woman you married, and He will surely give you the answers you
need, if you would only ask.
I suggest you talk with your spouse about your
feelings and express yourself openly about the need to forgive. Just by
releasing your pent up emotions will help you to better understand who
you are and what you need to do to begin enjoying intimate moments with
your spouse. Donít let harbored resentment or a bad attitude keep you
from enjoying the lovemaking process.
The most regretful part about having a bad attitude
or keeping our feelings inside is we start to look at our spouse in a
negative way and that will definitely keep us from wanting to be
intimate and close with the person we married. So if you feel this is
happening to you and your sex life, sit down with your spouse and
express the way you feel openly and honestly.
You will be pleasantly surprised with the new light
you perceive your spouse in after you get all that negative stuff off
your mind. The more we harbor negative thoughts about the person we
married, the less apt we are to even want to get intimate at all. But
understand that those thoughts are only feelings, and we make ourselves
feel the way we do.
There is no reason for any married man or woman to
feel they need to go outside the bounds of marriage to find intimacy,
whether it is sexual, mental or emotional. Make intimacy happen again
with the person God has already blessed you with. At first it may seem
hard to do, but once you start getting feelings and doubts off your mind
about areas of the marriage you feel negative about, you will see there
are solutions to every conceivable problem!
And be renewed in the spirit of your mind. And that
ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and
true holiness. (Ephesians 4:23 KJV
Questions For Couples
1. Are you harboring negative feelings about your
spouse? Do you often feel resentful about sex? Explain in detail why you
are not enjoying getting close with your spouse. Many times when we
express ourselves to our spouse we feel much better about the situation
and can then enjoy sex without feelings resentment.
2. Do you need to forgive your spouse of something?
Usually unforgivness makes us not want to have sex with our spouse. By
not forgiving you are hurting the marriage tremendously. Go back
and read the articles on forgiving.
3. Have you lost trust in your spouse? When we feel
like we can't trust the person we married it will damper any sex life.
Write down why you don't trust your spouse, and then talk with your
spouse about it.
4. Write down four things you feel negative about
with your spouse.
Now write four things positive about your spouse.
Now look at the four negative things; is there
something positive that you can exchange for those negative character
traits? For an example, if your spouse is a slob and does not pick up
after themselves, look at the positive traits you wrote down and see what can you exchange
for the negative. How about that your spouse is a good provider or that
he is honest. Try and not focus so much on the faults and weaknesses of
your spouse but look for the positive in them. Look for the positive and
your outlook will become positive!
We can change the way we feel about our spouse by
shifting our attitude from a negative one into a positive one. God has
blessed you with the person you married for a reason - be joyful and
happy with who they are. Bring out in them all the wonderful
character traits that God has given them. (they may not even know they
possess such a great traits.) :-)