How To Productively Release Anger
Copyright 2009 Heaven Ministries ~ Angie Lewis
Anger is a deep-seated emotion that can remain
bottled up within a person for years, and maybe forever. Loving someone
who has anger problems is often difficult to do.
Living with an angry person is like an emotional roller coaster
ride because you never know when they might explode. Does it seem like
youíre always walking on eggshells? Are you afraid to speak up because
you might get yelled at and verbally abused, or worse hit?
The truth is we all feel anger from time
to time and most of us take the needed steps to relieve ourselves of that
anger. Some of us express ourselves through writing, while some of us go
jogging, or go on an eating rampage. After a time, the anger is gone and
we resume our lives normally. And then some of us angrily explode at those
we live with and love.
When a person who is considered to have
anger problems becomes angry it is because they have harbored pain from a
past event or situation. Often times the angry person will habitually lock
in their emotions and then explode during stressful situations and
circumstances that are going on in their life.
Angry people are usually more vulnerable
and they use anger as a way to express themselves and get temporary
relief. But they remain hostile inside of themselves because they never
truly get to the root of the anger problem. Anger is a symptom of a
deep-rooted issue within the psyche of a person.
Angry people often feel out of control
and have this intense need to control people and circumstances around
them. This is very unrealistic. What they donít understand is they
canít control what other people say and do, but they can control
themselves and circumstances that they create.
grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.
What Can You Do To Help Your Angry Spouse?
Anger never resolves issues. If you live
with an angry spouse you should learn to detach so the anger wonít
gobble you up with it. Anytime you retaliate with angry and abusive words
back to an angry person youíre fueling the fire. Simply walk away.
You want to put the fire out, not rekindle it.
There is no reason you should take the
brunt of anyoneís abuse, ever. Leave the room. Go to a friendís house.
Take the kids out for ice cream. Take a walk. But try not to fight back
with an angry personóthatís not going to get anything resolved. Let
your angry spouse know that you would love to talk with them when they are
calm and ready to talk. But as long as they remain filled with rage you
are unable to be around them. Donít facilitate your spouseís angry
outbursts. Be an exampleóshow the proper way for releasing emotions and
stress through your own actions.
Encourage your spouse to let go of hurt
and pain they may be feeling inside. Let them know it is ok to talk about
their feelings with you because you care about them and want to help. But
understand its like dealing with an alcoholic. They have to see the
problem or wound within themselves and heal that wound through the only
way I think works, and that is through the acceptance and forgiveness of
our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Pray for your spouse.
How Can an Angry Person Help Themselves?
Understand how to let go of emotions in
productive ways. Remember there is always an underlying reason for
deep-seated anger. Once you realize why you become angry, take the
needed steps to heal yourself from within so you can be a better
communicator and express yourself in productive ways rather than in
When you feel yourself getting angry,
donít abuse your spouse with that anger. Go outside and run around the
house ten times instead. Beat on a punching bag, or do fifty to a hundred
pushups, but never hurt your spouse with your emotions. Donít bully your
spouse around and make them walk on eggshells. Is that really what you
want? There are far more productive ways to communicate your emotions.
After you have calmed down, think about
what you would like to say to your spouse. Take several long, slow deep
breaths and exhale slowly. What are you thinking about when you become
filled with anger? How can
you relate your anger into words? Even if you think it doesnít make
sense you need to express your thoughts. Learn to get your feelings out in
the open so issues can be resolved.
Bottom line is itís perfectly ok to
feel anger. But it is not ok to abuse others with impulsive, violent
emotions. Exercise: Write down on paper how you can assertively and
productively express yourself in words rather than explode in a rage.
Write down what you will say. Keep the paper handy, where you can see it
and read it every day.