The Crumble of Intimacy With the “His Money Her Money” Attitude
I think couples put too much emphasis on what is
his and what is hers. They focus too much on “my car”, “my
food”, “my money”. This is not good for marriage – it is
absolutely selfish behavior. God created marriage to be one institution
and everything within the relationship should be used toward the good of
the marriage to build it up and create a happy and comfortable home
life. The “his money her money” attitude teaches children to be
selfish and unable to be givers, which is a crucial ingredient for a
His money her money philosophy has become the norm
in many marriages today. As we all know, money is certainly not the most
important aspect of marriage, but when couples often bicker and fuss
over issues concerning money, they make it the most important NEGATIVE
aspect of the marriage.
When a husband does his own thing with his money,
and the wife does her own thing with her money it causes imbalance
within the relationship that upsets the apple cart for the whole family.
What happens when bill paying comes along and its time to pay up? The
spouse who makes less money at their job may feel resentful about having
to pay half of the bills? Or the spouse who makes the most money may
feel resentful for having to pay more just because they make more!
Unbeknownst to them, couples separate themselves
from each other on an intimate level when they each have their own money
in their wallets. I know of couples personally that when they go out to
eat in a restaurant he pays for his meal and she pays for her meal, and
they are married for goodness sakes! This is what people do when they
are dating and not committed to one another. Does this mean that couples
that have their own money in marriage and are not committed to one
another? It means they are not willing to share what they have with each
other and this is detrimental to the marriage.
Forty years ago, most women did not work, unless it
was in the family business. It was accepted that the husband be the sole
bread winner, while the wife stayed home taking care of the children and
managing the details of the household. When the wife needed money for
bills or for household items, husband would give her what she needed.
This arrangement worked out very well and put husband and wife in their
proper given roles and positions established by God for the design of
marriage. What happened?
Many wives rebelled because of the hot tamale train
of the feminist movement going full swing during the sixties era. Now-a
days the feminist movement has waned, but it has now become a normal
part of life for a wife to work and share in the expenses, but more
couples are becoming selfish over this kind of living because it is not
a part of God’s design for marriage.
According to God, a woman is being industrious and helpful when
she stays home to nurture her children and manage the home. (Proverbs
If couples are so adamant about having their own
money instead of having one checking and or savings account, there is a
solution to “his money her money” dilemma that will bring couples
closer together in the intimacy department, without either spouse having
to sacrifice their own earned money.
Add up all outgoing expenses, decide how much each
spouse will pay out according to their earnings, put that amount into a
shared checking account, and one spouse pay all the out-going expenses
for the month. Then the rest of the money that each earns from their
jobs can go into a private savings account shared amongst them. His
money is her money and her money is his money. It is always best to put
all money together in one shared account and not to fuss about money
matters. Focus on your marriage being one institution, not two. God
designed marriage for husband and wife to be one flesh.
“…And the two will become one flesh”
I believe that managing finances in this way keeps couples responsible towards their part of the expenses and also will limit the amount of fuss and arguing over money. Married couples should be looking for ways to get more intimate with one another and not for ways to separate themselves from each other. Don’t let money break down your spiritual resolve and tear apart the intimacy that is so special between married couples. Learn to share and be compassionate, kind, and respectful of each other at all times.